Facade

The cold night air whipped my hair around me and and was almost drying my tears as soon as they fall, as I ran out of the house. I can still hear the sound of music and laughter carrying in the quiet night around, I stumbleda but in the dark but I was determined to put as much distance as I can between me and that mad house with all the cruel people in it. My lungs are starting to burn from exhaustion. The sound of their laughter is barely discernable from this distance and I felt safe enough to stop and catch my breath, I felt in my back pocket for my phone and thanked God that it didn't get lost during my ordeal which I'm determined to never think about again for as long as I live. I took out my phone and dialled the one number I always call when I need reinforcement without questions, little did I know that, that would also be one guilt I would also have to live with for as long as I live. ____________________________________________ 3 years later I have always wondered what it is about human nature, that makes us ask questions we don't really want answers to, or see a certain thing and not want to try to look beyond the surface. Like subconsciously a part of us is always afraid of what we will find out, like they say 'ignorance is bliss'. Everyone wants to matter, some have that need more than others. Some people want to have at least one person they matter to while others want to matter to so many people that they could never be forgotten. I guess that inherent fear of being forgotten makes people do foolish things, or in some cases not do anything at all. People see the face you project to them, some of them deep down know that something is wrong, but it's like they can't just spare a few minutes from thinking about themselves to think about others or bother about anyone else. I guess it takes special kinds of someones to know that something is wrong and even work to rectify it. You might be thinking that these are quite strange thoughts to be thinking, especially as it's 12 am here, but who cares? I mean when is the best time for strange thoughts if not alone in bed at night, or is it morning? Just whatever. I don't really care what anyone says (well if I say it enough times it might become true, what do you know). Besides I'm far from normal.