HE WAS A SHE

CHAPTER 10: WHEN LOVE SUDDENLY WALKED IN

“Life has taught me that the people who often love the hardest are the people who have been hurt the most.” That’s the line of one of my favorite books. Honestly, I do agree with the author. That the more you love, the more you’ll get hurt. That’s how it has been for me. When I lost my sister and dad so quickly, it was very painful indeed. It hurts a lot, to the point that I can’t feel the pain anymore. It makes my body numb with pain and all kinds of emotions. I wanted to cry but no tears would come out. I wanted to shout my anger but I’d become speechless all of a sudden. I wanted to run away but my feet wouldn’t move a single step. I wanted to sleep to forget everything, but I couldn’t. I’d just sneak out into the corner of our house, covering my ears with my hands while trembling with fear. Looking back, I was a coward. Always on the run. But never did I know that while I was in pain, someone was hurting more than me. It was my mom, who had to cry alone—who had to suffer all by herself. And that selfishness of mine made her sick. That’s when I realized that maybe if she didn’t devote herself too much to her family, maybe then, she would hurt less. Or, maybe, goodbyes won’t be so tough. Maybe it would be easy for her to let go and move on. That’s when I realized that those fleeting moments like sudden goodbye and death were even much harder for people who love me the most than those who were not. That’s when I told myself that I shouldn’t be in pain anymore. Never will I allow myself to get hurt and feel pain because I know there’s someone else who would be hurting than me. And that was the same moment that I also closed my heart on the idea of falling in love.

***

“Go!” I uttered while pointing out at my boss to get in his car. “Hurry! It’s cold.” Luckily, he followed my orders without murmuring. “Buckle up!” I said while helping him with his seat belt. “You should never forget this of all things. You don’t know when and how accidents might come on the road. You should always be cautious enough. Prevention is always better than cure. Do you remember? Aigoo! You’re the one who told me that and now… Never mind. Bye!” I added while closing the door of his car.

Meanwhile, I stepped back and was about to leave when he suddenly beeped his car and pulled down the windows, and shouted. “Hey! You won’t come with me?” He blurted with sadness in his eyes. “You won’t go back to that house, right? You won’t stay with your friend, right?”

I became speechless. “Hey! What’s up with him this time? Why is he blurting out some nonsense today?” I asked myself.

“Tell me! Where would you go after here?” He was utterly serious this time. “Hey! Why won’t you say anything? You won’t, right?”

“I’ll head home, okay? Are we good now?” I replied. “I’ll take the rest of the day. I need to sleep for more. I was sleeping soundly earlier until you suddenly barged in and caused early morning turmoil.” I explained.

“Are you sure you won’t go to his house?” He asked again.

And now, my blood is boiling and suddenly rises in my head. I feel like a ticking bomb has just exploded inside of me. I had a sudden headache after getting caught in between their childish fights. And now, it aches a lot. “Hey! It’s none of your business if I go back to his house or not. Plus, he’s my friend. And not just any kind of friend, he's my best friend, too. And, who are you to dictate where I should go and not? You might be my boss and I’m just your employee. But that doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do with my life.” I sighed and left quickly with heavy steps.

“Hey!” he shouted. But I didn’t look back. I continued striding away from him. “Hey! I’m not telling you what to do. Nor did I want to control your life. Just don’t come back to his house. Go everywhere! Just not at his house. Stay wherever you like! Just not with him.”

I suddenly halted. “What’s with him today? Why was he spewing some nonsense? Is he out of his mind?” I asked myself. “Don’t tell me.” A thought came to mind. “No. It can’t be. Ah! Never mind.” I told myself while continuing my steps.

***

After walking for more than half an hour, I reached the bus stop. It was the bus stop going to the foundation where my mom was staying. I don’t know, but suddenly I just missed my mom a lot. I know I’d made a promise not to visit for a while, not until I fulfilled my goal. But as days passed by and as I slowly learned the truth about the past and the sudden gap between me and Bob, things became so difficult. I know seeing mom would make me cry even more. But, I also knew that seeing her would also give me that kind of comfort I’d always had long since she was transferred to the foundation. Her touch. Her warmth embrace. And her words told me, “it’s okay, my daughter”. I’m still in awe as to how she does it but mom has had that kind of magic since then.

But when I reached the foundation, I saw her from a distance. She was busy watering the plants. Even from afar, I could see that calmness and peace in her face. She seemed to relax today. I feel relief after hearing the good news of her recovery. She got fewer tantrums and she took her medicine without exerting force on her. She does it willingly. She eats her food well and she sleeps soundly at night, too.

“That’s nice, mom,” I told myself while tears flowed from my eyes.

“If she continues following her medication and therapy, she will get out of here in no time. She listens well and cooperates with her attending caregiver. She even interacts whenever you ask her something. Although she can’t sustain a long conversation, she can talk more compared to before. She can even smile now. Look! She’s smiling at the flower that has just blossomed.” The doctor uttered.

“Right! Mom was really smiling.” I told myself. Just seeing her improving and hearing good things about her gives me comfort and erases all my disgust. As expected, mom is truly the best. Even from a distance and even without physical interaction or any embrace and her comforting words, her magic still never fails to work on me. “Thank you, mom! Thank you for being well. Thank you for coming back even little by little.”

“You can see for yourself how much she improved.” The doctor added. “You won’t see her?” The doctor asked after I took a step back.

“Maybe next time. I’d just drop by because I missed her a lot. I guess I was so thrilled to see with my own two eyes the one you told me over the phone a week ago. You’re right, she’s doing well with the treatment. She’s recovering beyond my expectations. Thank you doc for being patient with my mom. Thank you so much.” I uttered.

“No worries, Eli.” The doctor replied. “A, I don’t know if she was recovering because of the treatment we did to her or was it because of what they say, happy hormones. I thought it was only possible with a coma patient. That when they feel happiness and joy with their surroundings, it’s like magic, their condition gets better and, just like magic, they will wake up from a long sleep.

Honestly, I don’t believe in those. As a doctor, I only believe what I see. But after treating your mom, my beliefs changed a bit. I don’t know exactly what makes her happy, but it did help her to respond to the treatments well.” He added.

“I'll go, doc. Thank you so much for everything.” I uttered.

***

After visiting mom and regaining comfort just from seeing her from afar, I went home to rest fully and to go back to work and to continue my goal. But I didn’t go to Bob’s house, nor my house downstairs to his, because I know we’re still not okay. There’s a ceasefire between us but it’s not yet over. Neither of the condo units had my boss let me use for work purposes because I knew he would be pestering me about some nonsense he was shouting earlier. Instead, I went to the hotel and booked a one-night stay just to space out everything that troubles me and give myself time to breathe.

“Wow! The room was not bad, even if it wasn’t a VIP suite. The bed was very comfy.” I mumbled as I laid down on the bed while rubbing my hands on its bedding. “Nice!” I added. “Oh!” I uttered after seeing the wide window. I stood up and slowly put the curtains away. “Wow!” I exclaimed. “No wonder most people stay for the night at the hotel, especially when they’re in trouble or sad. I didn’t know staring outside from here would give me that kind of healing.” My eyes glared up while looking at how the cars became like stars glistening in the night.

I prepared for bed after devouring the food I ordered. But even before I can sleep, my phone keeps on beeping as text messages keep on flooding like crazy.

“Where are you? You’re not staying at your friend’s house, right? You’re not spending the night with him, right?”

Just reading the messages, I already knew where they came from even without looking at the name of who sent them. And my gut feeling is right. It did come from him—from my boss who was acting strangely since he suddenly barged into Bob’s house. His text messages were the same as the words he shouted early in the morning. Exactly, the same that makes me cringe my bones. I sighed deeply while turning off my phone when another message arrived.

“What does he want from me this time, huh?” I added irately while scanning my phone.

“Where are you staying? Just come home. You’re not feeling well. Call me once you receive my messages.”

My eyes rolled in shock because it sounded different from the previous messages. The first one irritates me at all, as if ordering me what to do and not while this one was like from someone who is deeply worried about me. And my instinct is to tell me who this person is who never stops worrying about me. Just like before, even if we had arguments and misunderstandings, he would always send me a message asking my whereabouts and telling me to come home. His words were always like that. “Just come home”. It was just that simple and yet somehow it carries comfort telling me to come home and everything will be fine. And my instincts were right. It was from my best friend, Bob. But this time, I didn’t listen to him. I choose to stay at the hotel not because I’m still mad at him, but because I don’t think I have the face to show in front of him. Instead, I sent a message to him so he wouldn’t worry at all.

“Don’t worry. I’m good. I’m sorry for worrying you a lot. But, I’ll drop by at your house tomorrow morning before coming to work. We have a lot of talks to do. And you know what I mean, right? We need to fix our friendship right away, Bob. I missed my friend so much.”

I woke up as early as 5 am. I quickly took a bath and changed into the new clothes I had bought before coming here. I ate my breakfast first before checking out of the hotel. But as soon as I get on the bus and turn on my phone, it keeps on beeping suggesting a text message has arrived.

 “Ding!” The first one. “Ding!” Then, the next. “Ding!” And so, on….

And since it wouldn’t stop from beeping, I decided to open one of the messages. It was from my boss. And now he’s asking me if I would be going to work or not, what time I would be reporting for work, and stuff. “How irritating!” I exclaimed and replied to him once for all.

“Yes, I’ll be reporting for work today. But, I’ll be late. I need to go somewhere. Bye!” I told him via text.

***

And as I told Bob last night that I'd be dropping by at his house today, I went to his house as early as 6 am. Even after coming here, I don’t how we should fix our friendship after what happened between us. Now I don’t know what to say to him, just to express how sorry I was. I have been so clueless since last night while reading his messages. But one thing I know, I can’t afford to lose a friend like him. Not today. And never in this lifetime.

But before knocking on the door of his house, I breathe in and out, trying to shake off negativity and only invite positive energy, since I’ll be needing a lot of those. I don’t know how this conversation will end up, but I do hope it was for good. I didn’t get tired of betting my hope on him and even on our friendship, because it’s not something that had to happen just yesterday and will easily be shattered by some unexpected issues. Our friendship has been tested through time and went hoops and loops over the years. But we managed to stay friends—we remained who we are from the moment we became friends.

After regaining some strength and courage, I was about to knock on his door when suddenly it cracked open. And I saw him standing at his door with the same eyes, he always looked at me whenever I came home after our argument. I suddenly felt the depths of my emotions and I hugged him tightly. And tears slowly fell on my cheeks. At first, I felt his coldness, but later on, he hugged me tightly. And whispered, it’s okay. His same words since then.

“I’m sorry,” I uttered first, although I didn’t know what I should be sorry for. But I just felt like I should.

“No, you shouldn’t be.” He replied. “It’s not like I can force you to love me like how I loved you. Love isn’t meant to be like that.

That’s what you told me, right? You said love is about making the people you loved truly happy, even if you won’t get anything in return. That’s what true love is all about.”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Bob.” I added.

“Don’t be, Eli.” He responded. “It’s not your fault that you fell for someone else.”

“It’s not what you’re thinking. I don’t like him at all,” I uttered.

“I know what I saw on that day. You’re falling for him. You might deny it for now. But soon, you will realize your true feelings for him. I won’t argue with you about it. But I just hope that when it happens, I hope you will know what the best thing to do is. I just hope your feelings won’t be a hindrance to your goal,” he added.

“It will never be because it didn’t happen in the first place. So, rest your worries.” I strongly affirmed.

“Whatever will happen by then, always remember, you have got a friend in me. I can’t promise that I won’t get jealous or whatever, but I will always be here for you no matter what. And what’s best for you will always be my priority,” he uttered.

“Thank you. Thank you for coming back. You just don’t know how much I missed my friend so much, huh!” I added while giving him another hug.

“I missed you, too. So much.” He replied.

But our reunion was suddenly halted after someone rang the doorbell of the house. We were both startled.

“Are you expecting someone other than me today?” I asked.

“No,” he replied.

“Who could it be?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he added while walking towards the door.

He slowly opens the door. But even before I could react, my boss suddenly sneaked out of the door. He paraded into the house as if he was invited and approached me bluntly and grasped my hands. “Let’s go!” He uttered with some urgency in his voice. And since things happened so quickly, I couldn’t say no as I was being dragged out of the house. I tried to let go of his grip. But he was very strong enough to lead us downstairs. I gathered all my strength and used all the energy I had to get away from his grasp. Thankfully, I succeeded, at last.

“What’s your deal, huh?” I blurted out, looking so pissed off.

But instead of explaining himself, he just ordered me to get in his car. “Let’s go!”

“No!” I insisted.

But he abruptly grabbed my hands and dragged me inside his car until Bob arrived and took me away from my boss’s grip.

“Ouch!” I muttered.

“Are you okay?” Bob worriedly asked.

“Yes, I’m okay,” I uttered while touching the wrist. “It just hurt a bit. But it’ll be fine.” I added.

“Stay here, okay?” He he

But even before I could rest, my boss suddenly dragged me to his side. I was about to rant at him but Bob suddenly punched him in the face, making him stumble to the ground. I was so stunned to see blood dropping onto the ground. My eyes rolled in shock. My body felt so stiff and I couldn’t breathe at all. Now, he’s spitting more blood as he stood up.

“Are you okay?” I worriedly asked but I guessed I shouldn’t after seeing how he blew out a punch against Bob. Now, they’re both even. Just as he stumbled and spewed out some blood, so did Bob. And without a blink, everything became chaos. They’re both fighting fist to fist. I wanted to stop them but I couldn’t. They’re both too strong and too stubborn to listen. I dragged Bob further but my boss wouldn’t stop getting back at him. I ranted at my boss telling him to stop, but he was as stubborn as Bob. They were both hard-headed. I almost got punched in the face if not with Bella’s help. Yes, Bob’s younger sister. If not because she was an athletic person, she would also be a drag just like me. Thankfully, we were able to separate the two of them apart. She held on to her brother while I apprehended my boss on the other side.

“Come here quickly.” Bob urged my boss to punch him.

“Kuya, stop this nonsense, okay?” Bella blurted. “You’re not a kid anymore.”

“Hey! How dare you look at me like that, huh? You really don’t know whom you’re against. I can clinch you into my hands like trash.” My boss uttered, trying to irritate Bob’s ego. And he succeeded as Bob’s face turned red and was fuming with anger, cursing at him. “Why? Are you a scaredy-cat now?”

“Hey!” He yelled as his eyes were about to burst with rage. “Scared? Who? Me?” He was obviously pissed off. “Hey! Hurry! Come here so I can tell you who’s scared or not.”

They were about to have a second-round when I suddenly shouted, “Hey! Stop it!” I was damn serious looking at my boss. “Both of you!” Staring at Bob, who wanted to throw another punch at my boss. Finally, they both listened.

“Bella, take off your hands from your brother. You can release him now.” I uttered.

“But…” she wanted to insist.

“Let’s stop from here, okay?” I said. “They’re old enough to know what’s right from wrong. If they want to punch each other, just let them be. The more we stop them, the more they will try to let us do it. So, let’s not waste our energy on them, okay? They’re useless.” I added. “Let’s go!” I held on to Bella’s hands as we went upstairs.

“Ate Eli! Is it really okay to just leave the two of them? What if they fight again?” She worriedly asked.

“Don’t worry. I doubt it.” I tried to ease her worries. “Five. Four. Three. Two. One.” I dropped the countdown while the two of them arrived in front of us. “See? I told you they wouldn’t, right?” I added while smiling at her.

***

After the fight, I tried to settle down the conflict between my boss and Bob. I tried to persuade them so they would realize their wrongdoings. But instead of making amends to each other, their ego and pride were getting in between. And no one would let the other get ahead. So, Bella and I decided to just call off the day. My boss and I went home together instead of going to the office. On the way, I dropped by a nearby pharmacy and bought some medicine for treating wounds.

“Ouch!” My boss shouted as soon as I dipped the ointment on the wound around his lips.

“Hey! Why are you growling with pain?” I denounced. “Earlier, you were so bold and shameless in fighting. But now, you look like a puppy who couldn’t even bark.”

“It’s because you’re dipping the ointment with force into my wounds. You should do it gently. That’s the basics of the first aide. You don’t know about it?” he added.

I glared at him for a minute. I just thought how hopeless he is.

“Why? Why are you staring at me like that?” He asked.

“Never mind,” I replied.

“Where are you going?” He softly asked.

“I’ll just throw this in the garbage bin and keep the remaining medicine in your bathroom. So, you can use it well whenever you get into a fight again in the future.” I added. “Okay? Sir!”

I stayed in the restroom for a bit while looking at myself in the mirror. I tried to recall everything that had to happen earlier. From how my best friend confessed his feelings for me to how my boss suddenly came into Bob’s house and until they both got into a fight. I tried to look for answers and reasons just to justify his actions. But, it all leads to one thing— love. “No way. No. It can’t be.” I told myself. “I mean, how could he fall for me? I’m a guy in his eyes. And I’m very sure I wasn’t caught in my act. So, it’s really impossible for him to like me. Unless… He’s…” I added. “No. That’s too impossible.” I laughed. “Hey! Listen to yourself, Eli. Are you crazy? Why would you think that way?” I reiterated. “He’s not gay or something. So, drop those crazy thoughts of yours, okay?” I washed my face with water, trying to get back my senses after assuming that my boss was gay. I went outside of the restroom after getting my thoughts straight.

“I’ll go ahead,” I announced while picking up my things from the couch. But, as soon as I headed out, he suddenly grabbed my hands and wrapped me in his arms. “Don’t go.” He whispered. I was startled that I quickly dodged from his embrace. And as soon as I got up, he quickly knocked me out of his senses. I tried to wake him up but he wouldn’t budge.

“How could he sleep so easily like that?” I asked myself. “It’s still early in the morning. And it’s not like he's been overworked since last night, either.” I added. “Goodbye, Sir! I’ll go ahead.”

I had to leave then when he was growling if he was in pain or sick. I watched him closely until I placed the palm of my hand over his forehead. I was startled to feel how hot his body temperature was. My eyes rolled into shock after confirming it the second time around.

“He was burning hot,” I uttered.

I covered his whole body with a piece of blanket I saw on the couch. But since he was still shivering, I searched for a thicker blanket.

on his drawer. “What did he do last night when he was so sick today?” I asked while placing a cooling pad on his forehead and wiping his arms and neck with warm water. I let him drink a fever medicine even in his sleeping state. And after more than an hour, finally, his body temperature dropped a bit lower. I spent the entire night taking care of him. Changing his cooling pads once in a while as well as his clothes so he won’t get dried up from sweat. I continued wiping his arms and his body. And the last time I checked, his body temperature was now normalized. I felt relieved to see his recovery.

I sat on the couch on the opposite side facing him and slowly closed my eyes. I guess tiredness has finally hit my body as I easily get knocked out of my senses.

“I love you.” A voice I heard. “I really like you a lot, Eli. I really do.” The voice became familiar as I slowly opened my eyes. “Mr. COO?” I asked. And, he smiled back at me. “I like you, Eli.” He added while slowly drawing his face closer to mine. My heart stopped a beat. And after a second, it beats faster and races like crazy. As he was just an inch closer, I suddenly screamed. “Hey!”

Then, I opened my eyes. I scanned the room from every corner only to find my boss sleeping soundly on the couch. “It was just a dream?” I asked myself. “It wasn’t real?” I added while pinching my cheek. “Ouch!” I uttered. “Thank goodness!” I breathed deeply.

“Wait!” I told myself. “Why did I dream about him in the first place though? Why was he in my dream? And why am I dreaming about him confessing his feelings to me? And, the supposed-to-be kiss… No way!” My eyes rolled into shock. “No! It can’t be. Don’t tell me Bob was right. Am I falling for him? Do I really like him beyond my knowledge?” I stood up like a block of ice. I couldn’t move. “Love?” I asked. “Don’t Eli. Not him, please.” I sighed, looking pathetic. “How can you talk about love, Eli? You shouldn’t fall in love. Not this time. And definitely, not to him.

We all had reasons to fall in love and not to fall in love. Me? I only have more reasons why I can’t. I shouldn’t fall in love because I have a goal I need to focus on. I shouldn’t fall in love because that will only cause me trouble. I shouldn’t fall in love, especially with him, because he will only get in the way—he’s the son of the family you want to get revenge on. I shouldn’t fall in love because you will only get hurt at the end, especially someone like him—he’s a Cruz and forever will be. But, how could you stop your heart from not falling for someone despite having all the reasons you shouldn’t when love just walked in so unexpectedly.