Loves moves in mysterious ways

Kirstin just finished cooking the food's for Lunch,she took a walk and going to the garden. The wind smelled of the coldness outside winter season. She breath it in slowly, and smelled the breeze of the wind the scent of it,and locked at the leaden winter the sky. A thin curl of smoke from the father bonfire amudged the skyline before mingling with the greyness of the cloud. Beyond the garden lay a vista of field broken by clumps of woodland. backed by the slopes of the Border hills,their peaks already whitened by the first fall of the snow. Everthing lay intensely still beneath the cold December atmosphere. It was all so a very different from Germany and the life had lived there but it was familiar as well. After all,she had spent the first eighteen years of her life in this Border Hills,and the last eight years away from them her parents,sometimes just apart from just a short visits thier parents home. She reached the bottom of the garden and stood up for a moment watching her father as he threw the last of the rubbish on his bonfire. He was wearing the same tweeds she remembered from the teenage years, shabby and well worn. He turned and saw her, and smiled affectionately at her,a tall on to her, his height,and she is the only child. Dad,lunch time is ready she told him. Good I am hungry. I'll just damp this fire down and then I'll be in inside. If her height had come from her father, then her oval blue eyes had come from her mother Celtic ancestors, like her rich banner of brown hair,and her quick temper. Across the Border for centuries. But her mother's family had been Mountaineer from mountain Greenhills. and she had often bemoaned the fact that Kirstin seemed to have inherited their fierce warring spirit. Kirstin waited for her father to finish putting out the fire. You know Kirstin he said it's good to have you home, we're both happy me and your Mum,although I wish it could have been happier circumstances. You don't have to stay,you know your mother. I want to stay, Dad.She interrupted firmly. I would have to come home even if Mum, hadn't had to have the operation. You know in Germany it's all too easy to get out of touch with reality with everything that's important in life, she signed faintly, a frown touching her smooth forehead. I've given up my job,Dad. There hadn't been tie in the frantic telephone call telling her of her mother's emergency operation for Kirstin to tell her father her own news, but now that the danger was over and her mother was safely back at home, it was time for her to talk of her own plans. Now it was her father's turn to frown, and Kirstin looked away from him. She could sense his surprise and concern,and bit down hard on her upper lip. But to seemed so pleased to be working for John Pancho, he said. When you came home last summer to visited us you seemed so happy. I was,but John has been asked to write the music for a Tv series film and to do that he has to go out to USA. He asked me to go with him. But I didn't want to,so I refused,so I handed in my notes. She prayed that her father would accept her explanation at face value and not press her any closer. What she had told him was in effect the truth, but there was great deal that she had concealed from him. There was John's desire for them to become lovers, for a start. She shivered slightly, a frisson of sensation running through her that had nothing to do with the breath. She didn't love John,but he was a very magnetic and masculine man,"she know that if he continued to press her she might have been very tempted to give in to him and how she would have hated herself if she had done so. She wasn't blind or a fool she knew that John was almost consistently unfaithful to his wife Carol and that Carol accepted his infidelities as the price of being married to a man whose artistic abilities had made him world-famous by the time he was twenty five years old. The sort of affairs John indulged in meant nothing in any emotional sense he was an intensely sensual and sexaul man who enjoyed women and shamingly, she knew that there had been the odd moment when she had not been sure of her own moment when she had not been sure of her own ability to withstand him should he choose to use the full force of his sexaul power against her. She had worked for him for five years and had been accepted by Carol and his children almost as an honorary member of the family. She knew what his brief affairs did to them,and the last thing she wanted was to inflict further hurt on them, so she had done the thing possible she had run away. He had flung that at her in their final confrontation. She had told him just before January that she was resigning. There had been no need for him to ask why, and remembered how his mouth had compressed with anger and mockery. There was almost childish side to him that loathed being thwarted or denied anything he had set his heart on, and he had wanted her Consequently he had used that skifull tongue of his mercilessly to destroy her defenses, bringing to her to the edge of tears and total self-betrayal, but somehow she had managed to hang on to her self-control. A small, bitter smile twisted her mouth. She knew whom she had to thank for self-control, for that hard-won ability to refuse to give in yo her feelings. It seemed that was doomed to be unlucky in the men in her life. She had spent Christmas alone, refusing Carol's please to join them in their huge Luxembourg house, as she had done at other Christmases, and then, just when she had felt that her loneliness and misery might cause her to give way, she had received a telephone call from her father telling of her mother's collapse. She hadn't wasted a moment in racing home,and now that she was here she intended to say. She felt calmer, safer, more secure than she had felt in a long time. Her mother was going to need careful looking after for at least a couple of months plenty of time for her to think about what she was going to do for her father in his busy country solicitors practice if need be,his secretary of thirty five years was on the point of retiring. She knew she had stayed in Germany, John might have found a way of persuading her to go to Hollywood, with him after all ostensibly as his personal assistant, of course. But she had her agreement to Thier affair. So instead, she had ruthlessly cut all her links with Germany,giving up her flat and her few friends. It had been disturbing to release how few friends she had to show for eight years in Germany, but then she had always been something of a loner, cautious about revealing or giving anything of herself, and even more so after that disastrous summer when she was eighteen. Her mouth compressed again as she opened the back door and went into the warm kitchen. Her parents home stood almost alone at the end of a narrow country lane, some fifteen miles outside the town where her father practiced. They had come here shortly after their marriage,when her father had bought himself into the partnership. Now the other partners were either dead or retired, and her father ran the business alone with the help of a young article clerk. the house was solidy built of local stone, sheltered from the harsh winters that could affect the Borders by the small valley in which it stood. The village, with it school and church, wad less than a mile away, and Kirstin could vividly remember the long winter trudges through the snow to the village bus stop, where as a teenager she had waited with the other children for the bus to take them to school. Those had been good days, life had been simple then,and she had been happy, if somewhat alone. The other children had often teased her,calling her Corn 'beacuse of her golden hair. What was the past was past, she reminded herself as she dished up the lunch.She had already been up to see her mother and supervise the very light meal that was all she all she was allowed at present. I had a massage from the surgery this morning to say that the doctor would be out to see mother this afternoon. Do you still have a Doctor Davison? She asked her father as he sat down. No didn't your mother tell you? Chris Davison retired early just before Christmas. James Sampson is our doctor now" Kirstin's arm jerked and she spilled some corns. She was glad that she was facing the Gail and that her father couldn't see her expression.James? I thought he was in LA? so he was but he decided to come back.I suppose it's only natural in a way. His grandfather was the only GP here for a long time,and he was responsible for starting up our present practice. But James always seemed so.....so ambitious People change her father smiled and there was a slight twinkle in his eye. Look at you for instance.I seem to remember a time when we couldn't mention James's name without you colouring up like a sunset. She fought down the panic and pain clawing through her stomach and summoned a brief smile. Yes I was rather obvious in my adolescent adoration wasn't I?thank Goodness we all grow out of that sort of thing i must have driven you all mad,specially James. Oh I don't know, always seemed to me that he had rather a soft spot for you.A soft spot! If only her father knew. The last thing she had expected or wanted when she came running for home and safety had been to meet up with James savage again again the very last thing. She doubted her ability to face him with equanimity a coolness even at her most self composed, but having to face him like this, when she feeling so venerable and torn. She shuddered slightly, remembering how his cold grey eyes could see through her defences, and how that deep incisive voice of his cold shred through her puny arguments. Her heart was pounding as he served the rest of the meal.If she could have, she would have got on the next plane to Germany and stay there,but it was too late, she had burned her bridges, and then there were her parents to consider. Her mother needed careful looking after someone to watch over her and make sure that she didn't do too much. Kristin knew her mother, she had always led an active busy life,and she wouldn't take kindly to her restricted regime.James savage back in Bavaria, that was the last thing she had expected, or wanted.While she cleared away after their meal,her father went upstairs to sit with her mother. James was due at there o'clock and Kirstin wondered cravenly if she could find some excuse not to be there when she called.Her face burned as she remembered their last honorific meeting it was true that at eighteen she had had a mammoth crush on him, but what her parents didn't know was that it was James who had been indirectly responsible for her decision to leave home and go to college, and ultimately to work in Germany.after that last traumatic meeting she had not been able to endure the through of seeing him again, and so she had virtually run away.Quite needlessly, as it turned out, for James himself had left Bavaria than autumn to continue his medical studies in LA. Unable to stand the pressure of the old memories surging inside her,she paced the kitchen. She needed to get out,to breathe in the cool,calm air and gather her composure. An old anorak from her college days was still hanging on its peg in the laundry room, and she pulled it on with jerky, uncoordinated movements. Outside the sky had grown more leaden and meaning, the scent of snow stronger now. On the hills she cold see a shepherd and his dog working the sheep, bringing them down to lower pastures. She started walking at a speed that set her hair bouncing on her shoulders, tension bracing her muscles, the cold air stinging her face. The path she took was a familiar one,climbing up towards the foothills, and gradually as she walk she felt her tension ease slightly.She passed the Personage, disturbing a dog that set up a clamorous barking. The house and its grounds had recently been sold, but she didn't pause to wonder about the new inhabitants of the study Smith building. James back! her body shook with renewed tension and she expelled her breath on a pent up sigh.Her father had said that James had had a soft spot for her. How little he knew.Sampson by name and Sampson by nature,that was James,and God, how she had suffered from that savagery! with words that even now were engraved on her soul he had torn apart her childish fantasies and destroyed her innocence, holding up o her his contemptuous awareness of her adolescent feelings, giving her a distorted mirror image of them that had scorched her with shame and anguish still lived on in her soul. It had all been her own fault of course. She should have been content with simply worshipping him from a distance,and blissfully cherishing their longstanding friendship. Their parents had been friends, and from an early age she had attached herself to him even though he was nine years old older. James had lived with his parents in the house attached to the medical practice while he worked as a very junior doctor at the hospital in Paul. Her crush on him had developed the year she was seventeen.No doubt she would have been content with simply seeing him, and sighing over him, if it hadn't been for her schoolfriends. For a reason she had never been able to define, during her last year at school she had been befriended by a crowd of girls led by the precocious daughter of their local MP. Mariel Aguilera was far more sophisticated and worldly than the other girls in the class, and she had sought out Kirstin as her best friend. How flattered and delighted she had been!Until then she hadn't had many friends. She was to quite and shy to make friends easily, but she had glowed and relaxed in the flattering warmth of Mariel's friendship, pushing aside her own doubts and natural reticence about the wisdom of joining in the giggled discussions on the s*x and boyfriends initiated by Mariel. Naturally ,since Mariel was the one with the most experience, she was the one who did most of the talking, and although sometimes she had experienced a sense of revulsion when Mariel described her sexaul exploits, for the most part Kirstin had been caught too deep in the adolescent t****l of having such a wonderful friend to question too deeply Mariel Values and morals. Of course ,it was as inevitable as night following day that Mariel should worm out of her her feelings for James, and that once having discovered them, she should exhort Kirstin not to be such a baby. If you want him,you ought to go out and get him,she had informed Kirstin, giving her a sly sideways smile as she added softly,it's good when you know how, and trying to show him your feelings,your love how you wanted him to be yours. I know it dear is not easy to fall someone no feelings, but who knows you and him have a mutual feelings," to try aleast you know it. maybe he loves you too,your best child crush. Mariel give a bit crazy smiled.