He Smiled as I Bled

The Knife was at my throat before i even realized i was awake. Cold steel against my skin.Mark's breath hot in my face, his eyes wild, glowing in the dark like a predator who'd finally cornered its prey. "Shh," he whispered. "Don't scream, Aliya,you'll wake the neighbors." My heart was in my throat, i couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, because this wasn't the first time, but it was the first time he'd done it while smiling. "Mark... please," I choked out, "put it down." His smile got wider. "Please? after what you did today?" I didn't know what he was talking about. i hadn't done anything , but saying that would make it worse. I'd learned that in 3 years. "I didn't-" "I saw you," he cut me off, pressing the blade just hard enough that i felt it bite. A thin line of warm blood slid down my neck. "Laughing with jake, at the party, you looked happy, happier than you were with me." Tears spilled before i could stop them. "Mark, he's leaving the country tomorrow. I was just saying goodbye." "Goodbye," he repeated,like he was tasting the word, "that's what you said to me 3 years ago too, remember? 'Goodbye, mark, I'm done," His voice dropped in a whisper." But you came back, because you need me," I did need him, that was the sick part, i needed him the way a drowning person needs air, even if the air was choking me. The knife trembled, my blood was on his hand now, "say it," he said. "say you're mine, say you'll never leave me again." "I'm yours,"i whispered,voice breaking, "I'm yours mark, please." His smile softened just a little"good girl." He pulled the knife away, i gasped, my hands flying to my neck, checking of i was still alive, i was for now. Mark tossed the knife onto the bed like it was nothing, like he'd just set down fork after dinner, then he just sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me into his lap. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured, brushing the blood off my neck with his thumb, he kissed the cut like he was apologizing to it, "i just get scared, you're all i have." I should have pished him away, instead, i melted into him, because 2 minutes ago he was trying to kill me, and now he was holding me like i was the only thing in the world. That was mark That was the cycle He carried me to the bathroom, cleaned the cut, bandaged it himself, he talked the whole time "never again, okay? never make me feel like that again, i love yountoo much to lose you." I nodded, i always nodded , because when he held me like this, i forgot about the knife, i forgot about the blood, i forgot that i was scared of the man i loved. We went back to bed, he held me until i fell asleep Safe.loved.Pathetic. --- At 4AM, i woke up to the sound of crying, Not mine, His. Mark was sitting on the floor, his back against the bed, hugging his knees, tears were his face, for a second my chest cracked open. "Mark,?"I whispered, sliding off the bed to sit next to him."what's wrong?" He looked up at me, his eyes were red,swollen. "I had a dream," he said."you left me bleeding on the floor." "I'm not leaving you," I said instantly, "i'd never" "I know," he cut me off, grabbing my hands. "but what if you did ? what if one day you woke up and realized I'm not good enough for you?" "Mark, stop-" He stood suddenly, dragging me with him, his expression changed, the tears were gone, the smile was back At this time, it didn't reach his eyes. "If i can't be sure you'll stay," he said softly, "then I'll make sure you cant leave." My stomach dropped. "Mark, what" He pulled me to the window, outside was a 15-foot drop onto concrete, "jump with me," he said "if we die together, you'll never leave me. Ever" I froze. "Mark you're scaring me." "Good," he said, "you should be scared, scared of loosing me." He climbed onto the windowsill, pulling me with him, the wind hit my face, my legs shook. "Mark, please, we can talk about this." His smile was calm now, peaceful "There's nothing to talk about,Aliya., love means forever, means together, even in death." He looked down at me, his hand were on my waist, and he was still smiling. "Close your eyes, baby, it'll be over fast." The ground was 15 feet below, mark's smile was inches from my face, and i realized something too late: He wasn't crazy. He was in love. And love made him want to kill us both. ---