Hate You Forever

The Queen’s Last Letter to Her Friend Dear Farenheight, I can no longer escape. As I read your latest publication about a foolish queen in love with a monster, I was hurt to see you had replied to my previous letters through your book. Now, the whole of Ihydra thinks it’s my fault and I am just like Gabriella. Well, Gabriella made a foolish mistake by still loving him despite the odds. While I chose to feed on my hatred and hopefully it is enough to consume us both. You used a different pen name, hoping that I wouldn’t discover your book. But there is only one writer in this world who ends and begins a book with ‘darling.’ My life has reached a point where I can’t even save myself before I save my kingdom. You were right, I am probably making a terrible mistake and the price for that mistake is paid forever. Please don’t reply to my letters anymore unless you hope for a response from the grave. If it were possible, I would rather be buried with a bottle of ink and tell my best friend what death is like. Though, one thing in your book remains unclear to me and I hope you will provide clarity on it before it is too late. Is Gabriella only loved by the monster she calls her man or will her best friend, Fredaris, keep loving his friend only within the confined walls of their friendship? It kept me awake all night thinking, though it wasn’t just a mere coincidence that his name happened to be your first name. If you will ever send flowers to my grave, please do so and send the black lilies instead. Maybe yours, Naomi. ☆ The Beginning—First POV Mom said to become a queen one must first live as a princess and serve as a knight. I was too beautiful, too curvy and attractive to distract the knights during training that dad said it was better I just be by myself. A pretty princess with a jade crown to wear on her head at every masquerade ball. At first, I never complained. To be a princess everyone served, loved and pampered was fun until I was twenty-one years old and was still an unloved virgin. The smile I wore each time I moved with elegance and grace past the long corridors and in the royal garden turned grim and most of the time, lifeless. There was an unbroken rule that for a princess to become a queen, she must first need a king. Where on earth was I supposed to find one? I prayed and showered in many temples for a miracle according to rites and tradition. I did good all my life and never oppressed those who looked up to me for survival. My maids loved me, and those who worked under me prayed daily for my well-being. I was the perfect princess that no one wanted to become a queen. Not that they were against my progress, they just got so used to calling me princess and seeing me in charge that the thought of a king terrified them. What if he became a tyrant and changed their lovely princess and turned her against her own people? I was a sadist inside but a legend outwardly. I no longer feared becoming a knight and bringing my people to victory at every war because I was convinced no prince was interested in a princess that was too perfect and controlled the world. Not to mention that she had been cursed with agelessness since birth. Though, my late mom said it was a gift. A divine gift I will carry for almost a thousand years until I am permitted to die. I never age. I am never sick or weak. I remain radiant and ever shining like the sun. It irritated me, and most men preferred the likes of Lady Laundry. She was petite and slim and talked too much with the IQ of a squirrel. The likes of women who don’t believe paper, flat, thin and fragile was a product of something strong and sturdy like a tree. They love them flirty, loud with a great fashion sense. ‘’Your Highness?’’ I leaned sideways on my seat, the glaring light of the afternoon sun entering my eyes as I stared down at the criminal about to be beheaded. Definitely, no man loves a woman that loves to execute men. A small nod and my bishop turned to the executioner and gave him the go-ahead. The executioner raised his axe and the silver blades and edges of the weapon gleamed in the sun before it took the life of one of Ihydra’s many problems. His blood splattered everywhere and I was the only one who didn’t blink. It bothered everyone around me, and most women turned the other way and spoke behind their fans, loud enough for me to hear. ‘And she wondered why she would remain a bachelor forever.’ I stood up and everyone fell on their knees and bowed. I was like a princess acting like a queen until I found my king. I turned inside and told my maid Gwendolyn not to follow. ‘’Will you be all right by yourself, Your Highness?’’ Why shouldn’t I? It was just a mere execution I watched and I have been there a thousand times. What about that wouldn’t make me survive the night myself? But I had to be kind and patient, if I did not want the whole of Ihydra to think my lovelessness and loneliness had finally made their strong princess bitter and resentful. ‘’Yes, I will be.’’ Gwendolyn, my maid since I was five. We grew up together and you could say that we are sisters except she was older. ‘’Do check my Sorrow garden on your way out and water my spear grass, will you?’’ Gwendolyn looked up slowly. It had always been a wonder why I plant and cultivate weeds instead of plants or flowers. Weeds are stubborn and have better survival tactics than beautiful plants and flowers watered everyday. They are strong and are found everywhere. They grow and survive on their own and they mostly do not need special treatments or care to prosper. ‘’As you please, My Princess.’’ She left and once again, I was alone. But loneliness had never terrified me more than it terrified the people around me. I sometimes can’t tell if they truly care about me and my happiness or don’t want me to lead a life that is different from societal expectations. I walked through familiar halls and turned the other way to walk through them again and again. I paused at the paintings and sculptures of my parents— the first monarch of Ihydras and the head of states that succeeded in bringing all the principals, states and districts of the world together and under one solid rule and government. I wasn’t aware it was already dark, and I was trying to make out the face of my mother in the darkness until Gwendolyn returned with one of the castle lamps rumored to burn forever. She stood beside me and brought the lamp close until I could finally see the face of my mother. Ah. I could see again why people said I had her nose and eyes but my father’s stubbornness and kindness. I smiled. ‘’You have a very beautiful smile, Your Highness.’’ I turned and saw Gwendolyn by my side. She smiled at me and said, ‘’Your Sorrow garden is fine. I made sure I watered the Spear grass and Dew weeds thrice before I came looking for you, my princess.’’ ‘’I was also surprised you hadn’t changed yet or returned to your chambers. There is even the blood of the sinner on your dress.’’ Oh. I looked down and found out that she was right. The blood of the criminal we executed today formed little dots on my dress once exposed to light. ‘’What is the matter, Your Highness? Is something on your mind pulling you back from rest?’’ I sighed, bringing my hands to fold behind my back and thought of how I am going to explain it to her. ‘’I am like a rose insects passed by to settle for the thorns and bushes.’’ ‘’The sweetest honey ignored by bakers. The fattest lamb no one dares to make a feast of.’’ Gwendolyn listened, and I loved how she had never shown that she pitied me even when she did deep down. ‘’It’s not like I don’t want romance,’’ I said as my polished nails moved to trail the exquisite painting of my mother. ‘’But romance doesn’t want me.’’ Gwen wanted to say something, but paused and decided to be the listener this time. ‘’Mother said love will teach you how to be softer, gentler, lovely and passionate.’’ I smiled with traces of tears in my eyes. ‘’She said it’s like magic that transforms one and takes you to a place only lovers could go.’’ Gwen agreed as they both turned fully to stare at the paintings of the previous monarch for a while. The trees outside and under the moonlight cast long, irregular shadows on the walls of the corridor and on both of them. ‘’How amazing will it be…’’ I paused because my lips trembled and my eyes teared up so much. ‘’If I could also find someone who will love me like my dad loved my mother and stay by my side until the end?”” The silence was so tense that even the crickets mating outside dared not interrupt. ‘’Will I remain this way forever?’’