My Secret I Never Knew

Why Me cont…

Neesh’s POV

“WHAT THE HELL NIK.” Eric yelled as he ran to Nikki sweeping her into his arms in a swift and gentle motion. He carried her to the bathroom turning on the shower

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” Anthony asked him

"I need to clean this blood away so I can find her wounds, go get the first aid kit NOW,.” He explained causing his brother to run to the hallway to find the kit

“Please, please don’t let her die” Candice was crying hysterically from the bathroom door

“YOU’RE NOT HELPING EITHER SHUT YO CRYBABY ASS UP OR GO AWAY, YOUR BEST FRIEND COULD BE DYING AND THIS IS HOW YOU ACT INSTEAD OF HELPING. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD FOR” Eric screamed at her, we all froze wide eyed looking at him in shock. Eric was the most level headed twin, honestly he was the most level headed out of all of us, always calm and centered even when everything is chaotic. The way he just blew up at Candice was not like him, true her crying wouldn’t help anything but there was no need to go off on her.

“Calm down bro” Anthony said while placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder 

“I can lose her Ant, we can’t lose her especially not like this” Eric said to his brother 

“We won’t buddy this isn’t like before, you’re older now you can help her and we’ll get out of your way.” Anthony said while heading his brother the kit, he then ushered us into the living room. 

The sun was beginning to set as we all sat around, Candice was still sobbing while Holly and Anthony were in the kitchen. I walked to Candice and rubbed her back, trying to calm her. Nikki was usually the only one that could do they had a very close connection. I was only able to calm her a bit whereas Nikki would’ve had her completely relaxed.

“I’m sorry I’m such a big baby, I just make things so much worse.” She said while sniffling 

“Hey your best friend is hurt, it's ok emotionally, Eric is emotional too and he just took his pain out on the wrong person in the wrong way.” I told her, but then I heard Ophelia and I walked to the window to see what was happening outside.

“Guys there’s a panther outside in front of the stairs with a bloody mouth” I yelled. “What” they all yelled back and ran to the window. The four of us looked out at the Panther for what felt like two mins before Anthony spoke.

“I’m going to get a knife and kill that thing before it gets all of us” He grabbed a butcher’s knife and headed towards the door.

 Nicole’s POV

I opened my eyes and saw a ceiling. I was in a bed but not my bed. I looked around the room, there were posters on the wall of beautiful nature scenes, one of which was what looked to be taken on top of a snowy mountain. All the pictures were breathtaking even the ones deep under sea, there were pictures of animals in their natural environments as well from all over the world. There were also two fish 50 gallon aquariums near the windows, this is no doubt Eric’s room. I sat up then yelped in pain, my body hurt, and my abs felt like they’d been sliced down the middle. I looked down and noticed I wasn’t wearing my clothes. I had one of Eric’s white tanks. I knew it was his because I burned it  at the bottom left in the back by accident a few years ago. I didn’t know he kept this, as an apology I had bought him like twelve new ones in five different colors.

I realized there were bandages wrapped professionally around my right arm and around my abdomen, I removed the covers to see I was wearing a pair of red basketball shorts. My left leg was wrapped in bandages from my thigh to my shin. Suddenly I remember the Lionesses attacking, I needed to get up, I needed to make sure Bella and her mom were ok. 

I couldn’t remember how I got home, I needed to find them. I tried to stand, and instantly fell on the side of the bed. Just then Eric opened the adjoining bathroom door, he looked down at me taking a deep breath walking towards me.

“Nik, what are you doing? You're hurt badly and you need to rest.”

“What time is it?”

“Just after midnight, come on, you need to get back in bed and rest.”

“I can't, I have to get to the cave, Bella and her mom are in danger. I have to check on them.”

“Is that what you named the Panther Cub, hmm that’s cute. I would’ve thought you would pick a name like Xena or one of the other warrior women you loved.”

“Starbella is the name I chose, it just fit her instantly. Since she’s beautiful and has a star, Bella for short. And how do you know if she is ok!?”

“She’s fine they both are, they’re up in your room resting like you should be. I’ll carry you up there once the sun is up. Now sleep, please”

“I can’t sleep. Can you…… can you maybe sing to me please.?” 

“Fine one song then promise me you’ll rest, we need to take you into town to get looked at properly.”

“I promise, uhm who bandaged me and changed my clothes, aannnnnnnnndddd why am I in your bed?”

“I cleaned you, I needed to see where your wounds were, I had the girls wrap you in towels so I wouldn’t see anything private. Then I disinfected and wrapped your wounds then placed you in my bed before I had them place my clothes on you. I’m sleeping in Anthony’s room and he’s downstairs in the extra room across from Holly. I figured it’s best I stayed close in case you needed anything. Now pick a song so you can sleep.”

“I can’t decide.”

“Hmmmm let me guess, you’re stuck between choosing WIND BENEATH MY WINGS, DANCE WITH MY FATHER AGAIN and SADIE right?”

“Yea, I can’t help it.”

“Fine, I’ll do a mashup of the three. Just lay down please.” Eric began to sing, making me feel happy and warm on the inside. I let sleep take over me.

Eric’s POV

I looked down and saw Nikki was asleep before I even finished singing. I smiled. She had the same three songs that she listened to when she wanted a little comfort. When she was really down, I noticed she wouldn’t listen to HIS EYES ARE ON THE SPARROW. She would cry as well whenever she listened to it, but she tried to hide it. I still noticed, I noticed everything even though no one realized it.

I walked through the adjoining bathroom into Anthony’s room, the pig’s room was disgusting and that’s putting it nicely. My brother is such a slob, I’ve already found food in three different stages of molding under the bed and behind the dresser and on the windowsill. I had to clean and bleach those areas, and clean the bed to sleep on. No way was I cleaning the rest of his mess, I was going to sleep on the clean couch in the living room so I could be close to Nikki but then he offered his room. He offered to sleep in the spare room in the basement saying it would be nice to switch things up, I knew he was really going to sleep in Holly’s room. They’ve been sneaking around for months now, but I noticed them.

I laid down and let sleep take over, I need rest for tomorrow.

I heard a loud thump and shuffling, I looked at my phone and it was 6:30 in the morning. I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the bed, I heard another thud and realized it was coming from my room. I got up and walked through the bathroom to my bedroom. I knocked on the already opened door while looking down at Nikki who was on the floor. She looked up at me and I could see determination in her eyes, immediately I knew what she was determined to do.

“You could’ve called me, I would have taken you upstairs.”

“Why, when I can do it myself, I just need to try.”

“You keep falling because there’s a chunk of your leg missing, you’re not physically strong enough yet. That’s why I wanted to take you into town to the clinic, you do know it’s ok to have someone to help sometimes.”

“Fine since you have nothing better to do and refuse to let me be, you can carry me upstairs, but if you drop or hurt me I’m punching you in the family jewels.”  I rolled my eyes gently picking her up, I could tell by how quiet it was that everyone was still asleep. I made my way with her upstairs to the master bedroom, she opened the door and we saw the mama Panther and her cub asleep on the bed. I sat her down on the bed beside them, which was composed of two Queen sized beds pushed together to make a giant bed for when all the girls had their weird slumber party things. I watched her pet them and checked over their bodies to make sure they were ok. I walked over to the windowsill, turning on the tablet that she kept there. I opened her music app and began to play, SUPERWOMAN by Alicia Keys. This song fit her so perfectly to me, and it was one of her favorites. I sat down in the rocking chair near the window and listened to her sing off key. Smiling.

“You guys are having a party without us.” Neesh said while walking into the room with Candice who was looking down to the floor as she walked. I needed to apologize to her especially before Nikki got well, I wasn’t sure if she could kick my ass but I had no desire to find out. The girl is a beast when she’s angry.

“Candice, I really want to apologize about last night. I lost control of my emotions, I was afraid of losing one of my best friends, someone else I loved, and I lost control.” I said to her, she looked up staring into my eyes with her brows furrowed. I took a deep breath and went into details. “When Ant and I were 10 our mother was attacked by animals. Our dad had taken Anthony to a baseball game and I wanted to stay home so mom stayed as well to work in the garden. We lived on a farm over 40 acres and she had about 5 or 6 acres just for her flowers. She loved flowers, especially Chrysanthemums and May Lilies. I heard the growls from upstairs in my room and saw two wolves. I yelled for her as she took a stance between them and the house. I ran downstairs as fast as I could to her and by the time I made it the wolves were dead and she…. She was hurt badly. I saw the claw marks going across her chest and I took my shirt off to apply pressure to her wound but blood kept pooling around her. I was confused and didn’t know what to do. I kept trying to put on more pressure begging her to stay awake, I didn’t even know when dad and Anthony had arrived.” My voice began to catch and my hands were shaking, I could feel tears threatening to fall from my eyes as I looked down at my feet. I couldn’t look at them not now , especially not her, she lost both her parents. I didn’t want to see pain in her eyes from remembering them being taken from this world, from her.

“He tried his hardest to save her even though he wasn’t trained on how to treat those types of wounds.” I looked up to see my brother and Holly standing by the bathroom door. I didn’t even hear them come in. He started talking again, “he tried his hardest to save her, the EMTs actually said that if it hadn’t been for him she would have died hours sooner.”

“But that doesn’t matter. I didn’t save her, we lost her because I didn’t notice that she was bleeding from a bite on her lower back that needed pressure on it too. She bled out from it, slowly I should’ve checked her whole body.” I said clenching my fists and staring down.

“Bro YOU WERE 10! You didn’t know it’s not your fault! Stop blaming yourself and you saved Nikki last night. Mom was proud of you then and she would be proud of you now.” My brother said to me

“Eric, may you please come sit next to me?” I heard Nikki ask in the softest voice, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her speak so gently. “Please I can’t walk to you right now, and.. and I want you to sit here beside me. It’s important.” Her voice, her being so polite. I slowly got up and walked to her sitting beside her with my head down the entire time. After a few seconds I felt her arms wrap around me and she laid her head on my chest, it’s rare for her to initiate a hug. I gently placed my arms around her, moving her closer and hugging her back.

“Thank you for helping me, thank you for apologizing to Candice and thank you for telling us your story. I consider you one of my loved ones as well and I want you to open up to you too.” I took a deep breath at her words. No one but Candice really knew her story, not even Neesh and she was extremely close to her as much as Candice was. I looked around the room and everyone was quietly staring at us, at her. Candice came sitting on the opposite side of her rubbing her back but Nikki didn’t move, she didn’t release her hug on me so I kept hugging her too.

“My parents were the best in the world, I only knew love and adventure because of them. We used to camp out here sometimes, we loved exploring nature together and seeing how deep we could go before the sunset. One morning I went to jump on their bed to wake them like I did every morning, but they wouldn’t move. They just kept sleeping so I jumped harder calling their names and still nothing, I reached down and touched them. They were cold, so cold to the touch like they had been in snow overnight. I laid down between them, crying, I didn’t want to move. I laid there until Marina came, she was our house cleaner and used her key to get in. I thought I cried all the tears I had in me out, until they tried removing me from in between my parents. I was only 7 at the time but my parents had already helped me understand the circle of life. I stayed with Candice and her family for two weeks then two days after my 8th birthday I went to live with my foster parents. They already had three children born from them, they just wanted me to help keep the house clean. I was fed barely anything and had to sleep in the broom closet, if I was late with breakfast or didn’t clean something correctly I was punished. Either by sleeping in the dog cage for days or with my foster father’s belt buckle on my back, sometimes my foster siblings participated in my punishments. One night my foster dad creeped into my bedroom and hurt me the worst that he’s ever done, this was the night my innocence was completely stolen from me.” I looked up shocked at what I was hearing, what type of people would do this and they had kids of their own. My heart was crying out to her and I was pissed, but I needed to control my rage right now for her. I looked around studying everyone’s faces. They were all as shocked as me, except for Candice. She knew all of this. I admit I wondered about the past when I caught glimpses of Nikki’s scars. I saw the full extent of her back last night but I wanted to respect her privacy so I never asked about them. She continued on while still holding on to me. “They were evil, horrible people and I needed to get out of there so I did one night when I was strong enough I did. Came into the A.S., since this is where I felt my parents the most, the love they had for me and our adventures. I actually found this place by following a bunny family and I decided to make this place home. Candice found me three weeks after I ran away and started bringing me my school work and supplies so I wouldn’t have to keep sneaking into the Guide cabins for everything. During the four months that I lived out here alone my foster parents never reported me missing. I was only found because Rebecca found me in a guide cabin that I had broken into so I could shower. She took me into town to the station everything came out thanks to a stupid two way mirrors, those assholes didn’t tell me about it and we’ll everything came out about my foster home that day. I even found out they gave their own children the punishments they used to inflict on me, causing them to die. I still don’t know why I survived and they didn’t, why me there’s nothing special about me. I should’ve told someone something when I escaped, before I escaped but I didn’t. They told me they would kill Neesh and Candice and I believed them. I should’ve done more, or died trying.” Her voice trailed off getting lower at the end, and she allowed me to hug her a little tighter.

None of us said anything, we just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours. Slowly everyone came closer one by one until we were all in a group hug all. She is definitely one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, to go through so much so long and still be standing was so amazing. I felt closer to her, I’m sure everyone else did too, but I felt like I was closer then the others. 

“I like the Chrysanthemum too.” We heard a muffled voice say, we all moved and Nikki lifted her head staring into my eyes while everyone stared at her. “What?” Holly said but Nikki never broke eye contact with me she just smiled and said. “I like the Chrysanthemum, that flower means honesty. That’s it just a simple message to the world, HONESTY. Many Lilies are also known as the Lily of the Valley, they mean the return of happiness and are considered a sign of purity. Maybe you should forgive yourself and try to be happy, I think your mother would want that. She wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. You should embrace happiness.”

I placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and smiled at her. She’s always been smart, I knew this back when I met her for the first time in fifth grade. Well we were all in the fifth grade and she was in the seventh, she had skipped multiple grades and after she moved in with Rebecca she took a break from school to heal. We all knew she was smart so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that she’s wise as well. 

“I hate to break up this sensitive moment but shouldn’t we all eat and discuss the elephant or more precisely the Panther in the room.” Anthony said, causing a mood shift in the room.

“Oh yea, this is Starbella, or Bella for short and her mom hmmmmm I’m going to call her Midnight. Anyway I found them in this cave that led to an oasis and helped mama here give birth. It was beautiful until two lionesses came out of nowhere and attacked, unprovoked might I add. I remember fighting to protect these two but I have no idea what happened afterwards. I guess you guys found us and brought us here?” The last part she asked looking at all of us with furrowed brows.

“Well no actually you came here and collapsed downstairs after walking through the door asking for help. Eric ran to you and took you into the bathroom to tend to you, and then Neesh noticed the mama Panther outside so Anthony grabbed a butcher's knife to kill it but then I noticed it was on a makeshift gurney made of branches and stuff. I also noticed the tiny baby wrapped in your shirt and stopped Anthony from killing her, I figured you were bringing them here back for a reason.” Holly said with a smile

“Wait, you named her Starbella, isn’t that what Eric used to call you.” Candice asked 

“Oh yeah he did, well until she kicked him in the shins and made him stop.” Neesh added

“Well I’m going to casually change the subject and request food since none of us have eaten anything yet. Also, you guys should clean and pack up before time gets away from everyone, I’m pretty sure your parental units would want you guys home tonight.” Nikki said

None of our parents knew about this place, it was just our secret, a place to get away from everything sometimes. The girls would tell their parents that they were sleeping over at each other's house, and none of them would ever call to verify that the girls were indeed at one of the homes. Anthony and I always told dad we were camping which is technically true, he just assumed it was in the woods near our house not in a completely different town. Nikki was the only one who had no one to make an excuse to, Rebecca was her legal guardian until she had her emancipated four years ago. She said that she didn’t want Nikki going back into the system if anything happened to her, so Nikki pretty much did what she wanted when she wanted. Even though most of us were 18 we still had to answer to our parents, it’s how things worked.

While Anthony and Holly cooked I changed Nikki's bandages, we decided she would go into town tomorrow once everyone else was out of school since today was such a heavy day. Once the food was done we all ate together in Nikki’s room and talked about Candice’s upcoming birthday party. She was turning 18 Friday and her party was going to be in the town square. She always had the most interesting birthday parties.

Nikki would be turning 17 a month after that, then than four months after graduation my brother and I will be 19. Neesh and Holly wouldn’t celebrate their birthdays again until next year, they called each other birthday twins since they were born on the same day. 

Eventually everyone except Nikki left to head home, we all wanted to take her to Candice’s home but the girl was stubborn and was not having it so dropped it. I might just leave school early tomorrow and come here.