Unexpectedly Bad

12: The Cure to My Pain

                                                                            L U N A

It was never a good feeling when you were remembering the very first person that you saw when you first came into this world from a womb of an angel, one of the two people that you had loved since that very day, and that one person who had been taking care of you, that one person who had always woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of your cries, that one person who taught you how to ride a bicycle, that one person who had always bought you candy when you were having a bad day, and that one person who you always knew loves you entirely.

The feeling was never any better when you remembered that the person was no longer here with you. It was also never any better when he left after the most memorable four years of your life. Thinking about the old days, when you used to feel loved and cared.

It felt like I still remember when I breathed for the first time. It was in a hospital room when I first came out from a dark space into a space with bright light that had almost blinded my eyes, and now I knew, that bright light was the hospital light on the ceiling. At that moment, I could not see anything, it was all blurry and I could only hear things. The heavy voice of a man that said how beautiful and tiny I was, then it was followed by a soft voice of a woman that was saying in between sobs and soft laughter how much I looked like the man with that heavy voice.

Later when my vision become clear and I was able to see the world I'm going to live in for the rest of my life, I saw the most beautiful faces. Two pairs of eyes was twinkling and looking right into mine as if they were seeing the most precious treasure, the hair of the woman who had her arms around me was tickling the side of my bare body causing the both of them to laughed when I giggled, and I remembered them saying how cute I looked when I giggled. A tear slipped down the woman's cheek when I reached my hand out to caress her left cheek, she darted her gaze to the man beside her so I followed her gaze to the man, then back at her, then I smiled. And right at that very moment I knew I loved them and I knew I will always do. The angel and hero who I had learned to call mom and dad.

It was all crashing down when dad left. I was four and too young to understand and prevent my dad from leaving. All I remembered was the sound of my mom crying continued by a lot of yelling between mom and dad as I was hiding behind the cupboard on the living room and silently prayed that this problem would end soon, so daddy did not have to leave. The second later I was trying my best to stop myself from crying and not letting out any sound since I was too scared that they would find me eavesdropping. And guess God didn't answered my prayers, because the next thing I heard was a door slammed and when I peeked from behind the cupboard, dad was no longer there.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I was recalling the most breath-taking memories in my life and how perfect my family was until it was perfectly ruined. Perfect. There was no better words than "perfect" to describe it.

The first thing I had always dreamed of happening when I woke up from my sleep every morning was hearing my phone rang and accepted the call to hear my dad's voice from the other line. But, it had never happened.

Not until tonight after a tiring trip to The Cloisters and Federal Hall National Memorial when I heard my phone beeped and opened the text message from an unknown number.

Good morning, cupcake. I am very sorry I haven't contacted you for years. I wished you'd answer one of my phone calls but I guess you don't want to talk to me. But, it's okay, cupcake, I understand. I'm guilty for everything I have done and you're sixteen now I can't believe how much my little cupcake has grown and I'm very sorry I can't be there to watch you grow. If you changed your mind and decided to give me a chance to talk to you, don't be afraid to ring me. I miss you, cupcake.

Cupcake. Dad.

Quickly, I checked my phone if there was any missed calls, and yes, there were five missed calls from an unknown number who matched with the number that sent me the text. He called me when I was asleep and he got the wrong idea by thinking that I didn't picked up his calls on purpose. I missed him so badly and ofcourse I wanted to talk to him. So, without thinking I called him back.

"Hello, cupcake?" he said from the other line. I froze. My body was trembling and tears slipped down my cheek. I heard his voice for the first time after twelve years. It didn't changed at all, it was still the same voice I last heard twelve years ago. It was him. It was really him.

"Dad." It was the only words that was able to came out of my mouth. My voice was shaking as I tried my best not to let out a sob.

"Cupcake, how are you?" his voice sounded softer this time.

"I-I'm great, d-dad. H-how are you?" I said before I bit my lower lip to prevent my self from crying out loud.

"I'm great, cupcake. How do you know it was me?" he asked.

"No one else would've called me 'cupcake'." I laughed a little.

"Ofcourse." even though I could not see him, I knew for a fact that he was smiling. Oh, how great it felt to finally heard his voice again and I was very relieved when it didn't changed one bit.

"Where are you now, daddy?"

"I live an hour away from you and your mom's place, cupcake. I'd like to invite you for dinner next week." he sounded nervous.

I wasn't ready to face him. He was the person that changed my life. He was the reason why nightmares kept haunting me in my sleep, why I couldn't communicate and socialize with people easily like how people around my age do, why I had trust issues, why I shut people out of my life, and why I had trouble trusting people. I was not ready to forgive him. I couldn't forget those sleepless nights, uncountable thoughts, and unbearable fears I had been living with for the past twelve years. I was a complete mess and there was nothing to heal me. And it was all because of him.

"No." I said with certainity.

"Cupcake, I know, it has been really hard for you and I totally understand. But, don't you think I deserve a chance? I didn't leave you because I didn't care about you, cupcake, I do care and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I want to make it right and you deserved an explanation. You're sixteen now and it's about time you should know." his voice was sincere and I couldn't lie, a part of me wanted to meet him.

"I love you, dad. I really do. But, it's not easy to forgive you and I need time."

"Okay, cupcake, you need time, I understand. I'll text you my address and remember my door will always open for you. I love you, cupcake."

"I love you, dad." then I hung up.

My head was aching so bad from the crying, it was very unbearable and I could not even thinking straight. It was pounding and my vision started to blur. I blinked several times to bring back my clear vision and when I can see things clearly I reached out for my phone. The next thing I knew, I was scrolling through my contacts and clicked Aiden's name.

All I need now was someone or something to calm me dow. Someone who would know what to do when I was feeling low and who would just hold me close until my tears stopped falling. I didn't have a single clue of why I thought that someone could be Aiden. But, everytime I was with him, with just looking into his eyes, I suddenly felt calm and it was like all my problems are slowly fading away.

"Luna?"

"Aiden." I said below a whisper with shaking voice.

"Are you okay? Who am I kidding, ofcourse you're not okay. Are you in your cabin?" he asked and I kept silent. My mind couldn't make up the right words. "I'm coming." with that, the line went dead.

He sounded so worried. It felt good to know that at least someone cared about you. No one would understand. Not even you. When the world seemed so against you, even the smallest thing that happened to you in your life mattered.

As I was thinking about my life, suddenly the door opened. Aiden walked in looking so worried, his chest heaved up and down in a fast motion, his eyes started to wonder around until it landed on me. In a blink of an eye, he had his arms wrapped around me. And with him sitting beside me on the bed, his hand held the back of my head closer his chest, his other hand wrapped around my shoulder, I burst into tears once again.

"Shhh, it's okay." he said.

How could he know that it will be okay? He did not know what kind of pain I was feeling. It sure would not be okay when your dad left you without no reason, without saying goodbye and all you could do was to blame it to yourself. What a four year old girl can do? Were you expecting me to yell at my father or suspecting that he left me and my mom because of another woman? I was too young to be able to think about those things. All I could do was thinking that maybe I was a burden to my dad, that I was such a burden until he decided to leave.

I wanted to say my thoughts aloud but I felt too weak to do that. So, I wrapped my arms tighter around him. In his arms, I felt so safe, it must be weird for you because I had only actually known him from weeks and then suddenly I had this vague feelings towards him. But, it did not felt weird at all for me, because sometimes you feel the most unexpected feelings at the most unexpected times. And you could never blame your feelings for anything.

"I'm scared, Aiden." I said as I continued to cry.

"It'll be okay. You will be okay." he rested his chin on top of my head.

"It's not, Aiden. Dad just called me earlier and he wanted me to come over to his place next week. But, I'm so scared to meet him. I mean, it has been twelve years since he left, Aiden. I'm so scared that I can never forget him. Even after all the things that happened, he is still my dad. He will always be my dad. And what kind of daughter I would be if I can't forgive my own father?" I was talking so fast, I wasn't sure if he could manage to understand what I was saying.

"You will forgive him. You'll find a way. And I'm really sorry I'm really bad at this kind of talk and I'm not the best at words. But, just believe me that you'll find a way." I felt him kissed the top of my head before he continued, "And you'll be okay. I promise."

"How could you be so sure?"

"'Cause I won't let anything hurt you. As cheesy as it sounds, I mean it. I'll protect you." he said the last part below a whisper, then he continued, "From everything."

With that, I found my self stopped crying and smile started to appear on my face. He would protect me and I was sure I had never felt safer before this.

I pulled away from his chest and looked up to him, his arms still wrapped around me. "Just like how you saved me from being bullied by Shelby and her friends a year ago. That's when we first met, remember?" I said before I laughed a little remembering that day.

"Yeah. Am I not always your knight in shining armor?" he teased while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Don't you remember when you called me your knight in shining armor the day after you fought with Nathan?" his body tensed to the mention of Nathan's name. But, then, his eyes lit up and he smirked.

"So, I guess we're each other's knight in shining armor then." he said.

"Yeah." I said before I yawned.

"You're sleepy. You should go to bed." he said while he lay me down.

"Will you stay until I fell asleep? Hailee and the girls are out."

"Ofcourse, princess." he smiled. And that was the most genuine smile I had ever seen on him.

"You look gorgeous when you smile." I said without thinking. But, I didn't regret it because his response is the second best thing I've heard today.

"I'm only smiling when I'm with you."

He never failed to calm me down. He was like the cure to my pain, because everytime he was here I was slowly healing. I wanted this feeling to last forever, the feeling of being so safe and protected, the feeling of how I actually meant to someone and cared. And even if it couldn't last forever, at least I had felt it once.

Thank you, Aiden. For helping me healing.