After All This Time

She doesn't know how broken I am

Dear me,

Chloe has been asking a lot why I was crying in the bathroom the other day for the past couple of days. I haven't told her anything but she's going to keep asking me until I say something about it. She can be so f*****g annoying sometimes. I know she just worries about me but the past is the past and it's over. I don't want to tell her, if she sees these scars she'll probably leave me and she'll see how broken I am and she'll see I'm not enough for her. I wish she could just ignore it. Sincerely me.

We're a week into the trip, in a week we're going back home. I'm really enjoying it here. Today we're not doing anything special. We can basically do whatever we want as long as we're always with someone and never alone. I always have to be with Jack, Sherley or Chloe. I can't be alone in the city with just Steph which is understandable.

Right now me and Chloe are shopping. We got some money from Sherley and Jack to spend on whatever we want. "Where do you wanna go first?" Chloe asks me as we walk inside of the mall. "You can choose." I say shrugging my shoulders.

"Why don't we buy a new sweater for you cause you wear this everyday and it's worn out." Chloe says pointing to my hogwarts sweater. I look down at my sweater. The sweater that I love the most, my favourite sweater. The sweater that my mom gave to me on my last birthday she was with me.

"This sweater?" I say a little annoyed at Chloe. "Yeah." She says. "My mom gave me this sweater." I say angrily and walk away from Chloe. I know she couldn't know that my mom gave me this but she has no right to tell me what I should keep and what not. It is a little worn out, it has a few holes in it but it's my favourite and I'm never throwing it away.

I run to the public bathroom in the mall. I look behind me to see if Chloe was following me or not and she was indeed running after me. "Emma please hold up." Chloe yells after me. I decide to stop running cause it's not gonna help anything, she's going to chase me until she is caught up with me. Chloe is annoying sometimes but she doesn't give up when it comes to something or someone she cares about. I like that about her. She annoys me with asking about that one time I was crying in the bathroom but it does show that she cares.

Chloe catches up with me and stands in front of me. "You're fast." She says trying to catch her breath. When she breaths normally again she starts speaking. "I didn't mean to offend you babe but don't you think that you need more clothes than one outfit?" She asks me calmly. She's right, I'm always wearing the same thing cause I only have 2 pair of pants, 2 t-shirts and a hoodie. I never get new clothes and it never really occured to me that I should uy more clothes since I've always only had the things that I have now.

"Maybe you're right." I say giving in. "But you have no right to say that I should throw away this hoodie." I say a little angry. "I never said you had to throw it away sweetheart, I just said that you should consider buying new clothes too." Chloe tells me. "Oh." Is all that comes out of my mouth. Now I feel like an i***t. I get really sensitive when it comes to my past.

"Emma, I can see that something is bothering you, I can see it in your eyes, you get easily mad at me and it kills me that I can't help you cause I don't know what it is." Chloe tells me and she holds my hands as I look down at the floor. She's right I get mad easly, the reason: I don't like when people are angry with me and then they'd leave me so I'd rather get mad at them and leave by myself so I'd get less hurt.

"I'm sorry I can't talk about it." I say quietly. "Why?" She asks me in a calm soothing voice. I look into her eyes and I start crying. "I'm not ready to loose you." I say sobbing and I hug Chloe tight. She hugs me back but she doesn't say anything. I keep crying on her shoulder until she pulls me away from her. "Emma, there's nothing you can say that would make me want to leave you." She says and kisses my forehead. I smile slightly. She can say that now but she doesn't know my past. She doesn't know anything. She doesn't know how broken I am.

"I'm sorry."