Deep Down (UNEDITED)

Daydreaming

P.O.V AMARA

The sand tickled my toes. My flip-flops were in my hand as I wandered up the beach not far from our cottage. I managed to get Max and Rosaline to go away for the day. So I didn't have to worry about them during my meeting with Vladimir. Corection, my maybe meeting with Vladimir.

When I checked my messages this morning I saw that Vladimir had left me on open. Opened. God, how I hated him. Each time I see him in front of me with his idiotic grin, which I wish all too badly to rip off his face.

With a loud sigh, I let myself plop down in the sand, not far from the clear blue water. I used to love the sea. Before Mom died, we went to the coast every summer vacation. Whole days we built sandcastles until it seemed like all the sand from the beach was gone and swam until nightfall. I remember best, how I fell asleep on Mom's lap then. How she smelled of sweet blossoms. How she smelled like home. Now all I cherished was an empty feeling of melancholy by the sea.

I let my hands slide through the sand, the little bits slipping right through my fingers like tiny particles of memories. Stressed, I looked at my watch. It was already a quarter to twelve. Was he late? I snorted, men like Vladimir don't show up late. He wasn't going to show up. So why did I still have this weird feeling in my stomach? Like I was floating. For the second time today, I sighed deeply.

Just when I wanted to get up again to return to the cottage I heard it. His sweet voice. Vladimir.

"You wanted to see me, монстр?" With eyes wide as walnuts, I looked up at him. A pair of jeans hung loose around his hips, paired with a white shirt whose -as usual- top buttons were open. I swallowed hard. "This better be important, because I had to move heaven and earth to be here." he growled.

"монстр?" I asked confused. It sounded Russian and if I didn't know one language it was Russian. Vladimir rolled his eyes. Okay clearly no questions asked. So I got to the point.

"You're late." I stated.

Vladimir's eyes drilled into mine and I couldn't help but feel my heart just start beating a little faster, silly. Without answering, he lowered himself to me.

"I had some things to take care of." Vladimir looked at me from the side, not much later he said : "You look terrible"

I snorted and gave him a scathing look.

"That's how I feel too." I snickered. The past few nights I had barely slept because of the flashbacks and nightmares. I only ate when necessary. The bloody images took away my appetite.

Vladimir looked as irritatingly divine as ever, partly I despised him for that. I didn't even have the energy for my sarcastic remarks.

Vladimir looked unchanging for a moment as he eyed me as if he had seen a ghost.

"Do something about it, you're no use to me if you're quietly dying inside." His answer made the hairs on my arms stand up. There was a silence between us, only the rustle of the waves sounded through to Vladimir's soft breathing.

"Do you ever miss anyone?" i asked out of the blue. I knew i didn't really have time for a quiet conversation but i asked the question anyway. Vladimir's jaw stiffened as he stared out over the sea. At first I thought he was going to give me a lecture about wasting his time, but to my surprise I did get an answer.

"Yes, not only occasionally, every second, every minute, every hour and every day I miss someone." Vladimir's voice was husky, vulnerable.

"Do you think the missing ever stops?" I rested my chin on my knees, my legs pulled up against my chest.

Vladimir focused his eyes on me again. The sunlight gave them that golden sheen that gave me the jitters.

"No" Even if it was only for a moment, a second. I had the feeling that Vladimir understood me and that I could sink into his eyes. "We learn to live with the loss. Even if we don't want to."

I nodded softly and gave Vladimir a weak smile. Then the reason I had really summoned him here came up, the phone call.

"Have you been in touch with Matthew lately?" I tried to ask as indifferently as possible. Vladimir's black hair fell out of place as he ran a hand through his hands.

"No, why?" The tone of Vladimir's voice had changed, just a tiny bit, but enough to notice.

"Just, a question out of curiosity." I stammered "That's allowed, isn't it?" Vladimir nodded slowly.

"That's always allowed." I let out a soft relieved sigh "But you're lying and I hate it when people lie to me." s**t, was it that obvious that I was lying? Vladimir shifted unexpectedly quickly and knelt down right in front of me. His rough fingertips gripped my jaw.

"So I will ask once again, Why such an interest in Matthew? Did something happen?" My eyes narrowed to slits as I stared straight into Vladimir's eyes, like a challenge. I could hear his irregular breathing. I knew I couldn't keep up our staring contest much longer. With the last energy I had left I pulled away from Vladimir's grasp, what I had not anticipated was that I would get out so easily.

With a little speed I tumbled backwards, straight to the sand. Without thinking I grabbed the first thing in reach, by instinct. So that turned out to be the edge of Vladimir's shirt. Before I could do anything, together we fell backwards into the sand. A scolding triad rose from Vladimir's mouth.

Only then did I realize the situation I was in. Vladimir was lying on top of me, with his full weight -god, how heavy he was- looking down at me furiously. I really had a death wish. But then a grin appeared on Valdimir's face, flawed.

"As long as you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll stay on top of you." he whispered "Wonderfully comfortable if you ask me" His gaze seemed to darken and I felt the hatred bubbling up again. There was the old Vladimir again.

Defeated, I looked away.

"I got a call..." Vladimir was breathing hard and I had to do everything I could to keep my focus "Last night by an unknown number. I was told to stop bringing up the past. He said something about Matthew and I think something bad happened to Matthew." Vladimir remained silent for a moment before a frown appeared on that perfect face of his.

"And you're only telling me this now?" snapped Vladimir annoyed. Abruptly he lifted himself off me and stood up. Aggressively he knocked the sand off him.

"What else should I have done?" I asked as I straightened up again.

"What you should have done? Are you really asking this?" Mocked Vladimir "You got a phone for something, Amara. You should have called me, right away." I cringed at Vladimir's tone and averted my gaze. "They could have traced you."

"I thought-"

"You shouldn't think, God damn it. You should just listen and do what is asked of you." Vladimir strolled wildly back and forth. I felt a small ping in my heart from his words. Abruptly, Vladimir stopped pacing.

"Look at me." It was not a question, but a command. When I didn't answer immediately he repeated himself, this time more sternly. "Look. at. me. Amara. now."

I finally did as he asked and looked up straight into his eyes that were practically spitting fire.

"In the future, I want you to answer the phone for no one but me? Understand?" I wanted to counter, but the look Vladimir gave me silenced me. So I nodded. "Good," he murmured.

"It's not safe here for you anymore, if they can find out your phone number, it's only a min of time before they have your address." As if I knew what would follow I shook my head.

"I'll stay here." I said as I tried to sound as firm as possible.

"No you won't." growled Vladimir "I need to keep you alive until our wedding and that will be easier if you are with me instead of with your group of supposed friends."

"You don't make decisions for me." I shouted now "you don't own me"

"You're coming to live with me and that's the end of it, whether you want it or not."