I Saw You

BOOK 1 Diiing! Oh, no! Here it is. The usual alarm clock alerts me of the beginning of a new day at university. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t wait to graduate, get a job, and build my life. Away from the campus, away from the hypocrisy of my schoolmates, and overall away from all the jerks I’ve met all over these years. To think that the last year of college Rachel and I were looking forward to enroll in university to meet a lot of cute boys. Yes! For goodness’ sake, there were some cute ones, but... all idiots, looking for just one thing: s*x. Jeez, it seems that everything is about s*x. For goodness’ sake, I can’t talk about it since I have no experience at all on the subject but... come on, is it possible that to men there’s nothing else in their lives? “Good morning! So, blondie, how did it go last night with that well-built brunet?” my roommate and best friend since we were 5 years old, Rachel, reawakes me from my thoughts. “As usual. The classical guy all muscles and no brain. He did nothing but talk about his Xbox One all evening. Oh, and then, at the end of the evening, when I was about to take leave, he explicitly asked me if I wanted to sleep with him.” “No! Are you serious?” “Do I look like I’m joking? Anyways... at least he has been honest.” “I can’t believe it. Well, it seems that you’re a magnet who attracts jerks, Jules!” “Yeah. Apparently Jules Cannygan will die as a virgin!” “C’mon, Jules please don’t be like this. You’ll see that sooner or later you’ll find the right one.” “Yes, sure, of course! How many years have you been telling me this? Look at me: I’m 25, I never fell in love, and I never had s*x with anyone. Well, it’s ridiculous! I’m in my late twenties and I still don’t know what it means to sleep with a man!” “Jules, the problem with the girls like you is that you’re too much good girls. I mean, no one is forbidding you to f**k with the first guy to come, the problem is that I know you too well and you would feel bad about it for sure!” “Maybe I should do that. Get drunk and sleep with the first guy that hits on me!” “Hey, c’mon, don’t say that. You know that I was just saying. You deserve much more that the first time in a gross bathroom in a gross flat for parties, with a gross guy who wouldn’t even notice your virginity. Even though... there’s Michael. You know, he has a crush on you since the first day of university. I think that you should give him a chance...” “Rachel, you perfectly know that Michael is just a friend to me. There could be anything else. Even less sleeping with him!” “Well, it could be nice; you don’t know.” “Yeah, sure. You know what? Sometimes I regret I didn’t do it with Andrew when I was 16. At least he was my boyfriend and it would have been more romantic than with anyone else for sure.” “C’mon Jules, are you serious? Andrew is a jerk that at the first occasion cheated on you because you wouldn’t give it to him. Would you really rather have done it with him?” “I don’t know. I just know that at high school everything was easier. Now I feel old for everything!” “Oh, come on, don’t talk s**t! You’re 25, not 70. Moreover, by the way, you never were really ready to do it with Andrew. You liked him, you guys were together, but you were never in love with him. Every time I saw you two together you seemed fussy, awkward as you would have rather been anywhere but with him.” “Yes, that’s true. I didn’t love him. However, I cared for him. You know, I’m starting to think that I’m the problem. I’ll never find someone... and it’s my fault!” “Listen, stop it, okay? Enough with negativity now! Do you know what are we doing tonight? We’re going out, just you and I. We’ll do whatever you want: movies, pubs, disco... what you prefer.” “Tonight I can’t. I’m going to meet Kyle at work. He knows that I’m about to graduate and he wanted to have a chat about my future. Do you know he said that in the building where he works there’s one of the best New York’s publishing sectors? He works in the IT field, but he said that he knows the director’s assistant in publishing business and if I have good grades he could put in a good word.” “Come on, finally a good news. How sweet from your cousin. I always thought that he is the best guy on earth. Too bad he’s gay!” “Come on, don’t be silly! But more importantly, I thought that you were deeply in love with your new boyfriend!” “And I am. You know, Jules, I really believe that this is the right time. Josh is a wonderful guy. You know, it’s the first time that I’m with someone and I can see beyond now and here. I see a future with him; I imagine marrying him and having kids.” “Are you serious? The eternally indecisive Rachel finally found her soulmate!” “You totally said the right word: soulmate. I love him so much...” “I’m really happy for you my friend!” and I really was... I only wondered when a similar fortune would happen to me! “Thank you. Ah! Do you know he invited me out for dinner tomorrow evening and wants to introduce me his brother?” “His brother?” “Yes, you know he doesn’t have his parents anymore. His brother is his whole family, so it’s a little bit as if he is going to introduce me to mum and dad.” “But... it’s an important step.” “It is... Wait a second... I have an idea: why don’t you come with us too?” “What? Me? Why?” “My parents live at about two hours from here and I can’t introduce them to him in the short term, so in the meanwhile I want to officially introduce him my best friend, my reference point, my ‘person’...” “Stop talking as if we were in Grey’s Anatomy. Besides, I already know him. You introduced us that time at the campus entrance, do you remember?” “Yes, but what about. That has been a fleeting introduction. You just had the time to tell him your name. I mean a proper introduction. And also at dinner you can get to know each other better.” “I don’t know. Anyway, I would feel inappropriate. You have to meet his brother, you have to talk about family stuff, and I’m not involved.” “You are family, Jules. We know each other since we were five; you know everything about me. Moreover, I absolutely want you to be there at dinner. It’s the first time I do something like that and I will need your support. Come on, come on, cooome ooon.” “Alright, alright... I’ll come.” “Yes!” “But if you try to make a ‘family dinner’ become a double date, I swear that I will kill you. We both know how it ended up last time.” “Come on, still on about that? How could I know that my former friend would have got drunk and would have jumped on you? I already apologized and promised you that we were never going to do double dates again. Jeez, I didn’t ask Josh if his brother is engaged!” “Hey... hello! Who did I talk to until now? To a wall?” “Alright, alright... I won’t try to put you and his brother together. But I could ask Josh if he’s single, just for information purposes.” “Try it and I swear that you’ll spend the last days as university student sleeping outside our room door.” “Okay, okay, I got it!” “Now it’s better if I go get ready. I have an appointment with Professor Hoster in half an hour.” “Good luck honey.” “Thank you, see you later.” After spending more than half an hour in my supervisor’s office to correct my dissertation, and after having lunch with Rachel, I went to the library to end my last training day. I was so glad it was over! Once I clocked in, I went towards the historical section that had to be reorganized. While I was getting on the huge staircase that would have allowed me to get to the higher rows, I felt a hand that grabbed my hip and made me turn. Without understanding a thing, I found myself with his tongue in my mouth. We kissed. It was a quick kiss, because I quickly retracted and gave him a slap: “What are you doing? Are you crazy?” “Jules, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I saw you here, all alone. You’re about to graduate and in a while you’ll be moving away from the campus... I wouldn’t have many other chances, so I told myself: it’s now or never. You know, it’s from the first day I met you that I wanted to do it...” “Please, Michael, don’t make things harder. You and I are friends. Just friends. I’m sorry if you feel something more, but there can be nothing more than a beautiful friendship to me.” “Jules, please, don’t say that. Give me a shot. You don’t know what could happen if we were together. Maybe it would work. God, I want you so much” and tried to kiss me again, but that one I stopped in time. “Michael, it’s no. I don’t want to. Please don’t ruin everything. I care about you, but as a friend. There can’t be anything more than this. I already know what I want.” “So you’re telling me that you didn’t feel a thing? That when I kissed you didn’t feel a thing?” “No. Nothing. I’m sorry.” I looked at him with the corner of my eye and I felt awful. I knew that I was breaking his heart, but because I cared about him, I had to be honest with him. “Okay. Never mind. At least I tried, no?” “I’m sorry Michael.” “I hope that you’ll find a man that loves you at least half as much as I love you... have a nice day Jules” and he went away without turning back. In that moment, I asked myself why God was so cruel. Why couldn’t I be in love with that guy who would have done anything for me, too? Why did I have to work so hard to find the right one? While I was thinking about how much my life sucked, Mrs. Tatter, the librarian, remembered me that I was there to work and reawaked me from my sad thoughts. I got back to work with the hope that the afternoon would have passed faster than a comet and that it would quickly be time to finally talk about my future. The afternoon was long and boring and when it was 8pm, I went back to my room to get ready. At 8:30pm, I was in the car all clean and fresh. I put on a short flower dress and some caramel-colored sandals. The slightly wavy hair fell long on my back; so long that they made me think that it was time to give them a trim. I thought that tonight I wasn’t bad at all. Then I remembered that I was only having dinner with my cousin and I asked myself why did I dress up that much. Then I remembered the usual words from Rachel: ‘You dress up first of all for yourself and then for a man’. She was totally right. Even because, considering that the presence of men in my life was less than zero, if I wasn’t going to be beautiful for myself, at this time I would be in a garbage dumpster. ‘What a fool I am!’ I thought. I had calculated the traffic in the right way. In fact, I arrived at Wayford Building at 9pm. I got out of the car and I admired the huge building in which my cousin worked. A huge all-windows palace... gigantic and beautiful. I thought that it would have been wonderful to work there. I moved a little bit more in the middle of the street to admire it better. The lights, the colors, the writing Wayford that stood out on top of it. I already imagined myself beautiful and confident, with an elegant suit on while walking through the hallways of that huge building, maybe with some book drafts of some aspiring writer in my hands. Who knew... maybe there I would have met the man of my dreams. Elegant and sophisticated, nothing to do with those vulgar jerks met at university. We would have worked together and between a draft and another, we would have fallen in love. Then we would have made love, maybe at his place, and it would have been beautiful, sweet, romantic, as I have always pictured. While I was daydreaming, something happened; I heard a horn, some blinding lights, and a voice: ‘BE CAREFUL!’ I didn’t make it in time to turn around that I found myself shoved on the sidewalk; eyes closed and when I opened them, I saw the most handsome man on whom my eyes ever laid. I met his eyes. I never saw a green so intense. From the position in which we were, I couldn’t see how tall he was, but I looked his handsome face. He was perfect. His light brown hair matched perfectly his face, and his lips... God, I would have killed to kiss those lips... “Miss, are you okay?” the mysterious man asked me still laying on me, interrupting my fantasies. “I...” I couldn’t speak. I was electrocuted, and I thought that the awkwardness lasted a lifetime. “I’m sorry. You’re not breathing like that” he said and got up giving me a hand to stand back on my feet. “Here, it’s better this way. Are you okay?” “Yes, I... I guess I am” I managed to stammer. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to accompany you to the hospital, or...?” “No, no, there’s no need. I’m fine. I... thank you... you... saved my life.” “I did nothing special. Anyway, you should be more careful. No one can stop in the middle of the road like that.” “I know, I... was... distracted.” I couldn’t take my eyes off his lips; I wanted him to kiss me, in that moment... as it happens in movies. However, it didn’t happen. “Alright. I have to go now. Are you sure that you don’t need anything?” “No. I’m fine. I’m waiting for my cousin, he works there.” I said pointing at the Wayford. “Got it. Therefore, I’ll go. Can I leave you alone or will you attempt another suicide?” I burst out laughing, “No, I... will be careful.” “Okay. So, have a good evening.” “Bye” I said and he got in the car pulling away at full speed. I wouldn’t have seen him ever again. And I felt sad: foolishly, but incredibly sad. Shortly after Kyle arrived. I was visibly shocked and he noticed it. “Honey, are you okay? You have a face!” “No it’s that... they were about to run over me.” “What? Who the heck was? Motherfuckers.” “No, actually it was my fault. I was admiring the building in the middle of the road, so...” “Honey, you have to be more careful. We’re in New York, people are in a hurry, and don’t stop for sure to save an angel like you.” “Actually... someone stopped!” “The driver? Thanks God... there’s still someone who has a heart in this world.” “No, to tell you the truth, the car whizzed, but a guy has literally saved my life, throwing me on the floor before that they run over me.” “Wow! Jeez! Luckily he was there then.” “Yeah!” “Listen, let’s go to have some dinner now so you can get over it, okay? The restaurant is just across the street; we can go by foot. You can leave the car here.” “Okay.” We arrived to the restaurant and ordered. Between one course and another, we talked about everything. About my forthcoming degree, about the Wayford Building, about work and... in spite of myself... about the mysterious man that saved my life. “You know, you should have let him wait, so I could have personally thanked him.” “I didn’t think about it. Anyway he was in a rush, so...” “Got it. Do you know if he worked at the Wayford?” “I have no idea. I didn’t ask. Do you think he could work there?” “Highly probably. If you were standing in front of the building and he had his car there, it’s very likely that he worked at the Wayford. How was he dressed?” “He had an elegant suit.” “He must be someone from upstairs. Or maybe the director of some area, I don’t know...” “I see! He had a red car... maybe you know him.” “Honey, do you know how many business men dress up and have red cars?” “And he was also really handsome...” and I blushed while saying it. “Oh, so this helps me...” Kyle mocked. “What is it? Don’t you say that you got a crush on him in such a short time?” “Ah... I would call it more of love at first sight.” I answered smiling. “Whoa! Was he so handsome?” “He was the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen. With wonderful green eyes and lips so, so...” “Did you guys kiss?” “What are you talking about? No. I don’t even know him.” “Hey, don’t act like a prude that, from how you’re speaking of him, I think that you would have let him knock you up.” “Ahhhh... that’s a cheap shot.” “Alright. I’m sorry... and... now? What are you going to do?” “What do you mean?” “Well... with the mystery man.” “Nothing.” “Nothing?” “What could I do?” “Well, anything. You could lurk outside here all day long hoping to see him again, ask around, whatever... if you like him so much...” “I’m not a stalker and then... he’s too handsome, he will be engaged for sure.” “Not always the cute ones are engaged...” “No, but the majority of times they are, or they’re gay... or even worse they are jerks who use women just to have fun.” “Did he seem a jerk?” “I don’t know. We haven’t spoken a lot. To me he has been... kind.” “Ummm... maybe he’s gay and I will fondle him.” “You are so silly... and then, what happened to Alan? Don’t tell me that you guys have argued again...” “I was right, Jules. He was cheating on me. And I don’t want to date a man than needs others.” “I’m so sorry.” “C’est la vie... What do you think; shall we ask for the bill?” “Yes, I am definitely tired.” Once out of the restaurant I said bye to Kyle and I got back in the car towards the campus. I hoped to find Rachel up because I was looking forward to tell her everything. However, when I arrived in our room I found her sleeping, so I undressed, took my make up off, brushed my teeth, and put my pajamas on. Then I slipped under the covers thinking about that day... the conversation with Rachel, the kiss with Michael, the Wayford and him... the man of my dreams. Who knew if I would ever seen him again... and with this thought, I fell asleep. *** In his mind What a f*****g day! It wasn’t enough the mess that Henry has done; also James, that other genius, started to piss me off. How could you send a strictly reserved file to the wrong person? Mr. Anger was going to kill me for sure! I didn’t want to think about it... I just wanted to go back home, take a shower, have dinner, and go to bed forgetting about everything. There she was my baby. My fire red spider. God, how much I loved that car. I know it’s foolish... but considering that in life God took away all that I cared about... well there’s nothing strange in cherish one’s own things. However,... one moment... what is that girl doing in the middle of the road? Jesus, she will have herself killed that way! Oh God, no... Nooo... ‘BE CAREFUL’ I jumped towards her and thrown her on the ground. It was the only way I had to save her life! When we fell down the thud was loud. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them back, I saw her... She was beautiful... She had a distorted glaze and her hair was messed up... but she was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. f**k no... What am I saying? I can’t... I mean I can’t... f**k, be back in yourself! You don’t like blondies! However, I know that somehow I liked her... I liked her a lot! I helped her getting up and after making sure that she was okay, I went away. When I got home, I couldn’t get her off my mind. She couldn’t be... anyone but not her... and let’s say it, I wasn’t the guy who would have been impressed by a pretty girl. I could have how many girls I wanted... and I got them all... every time. However, this time I felt it was different... that with her, if it ever worked, it would have been different. Therefore, I thanked God to letting me go away. I knew that if I ever met her again I would be lost... forever.