Wandering One

Kabanata 7

Kabanata 7

"Camera"

I am still in awe that I made it. I survived without spending in a month on my wants. Hindi rin ako ibinili nila Mommy at Daddy per my request. Nagtaka sila pero hindi naman na nang-usisa pa. Guess, my pride made me do it.

Ginawa ko pa rin kahit hindi na ulit kami nagkita ni Illiad after that short vacation in Palawan. Naging madalang na rin ang interactions at pagkikita namin talaga. I heard he flew abroad para sa MBA niya. Katunayan, he was not present on my sixteenth birthday. Mommy threw a huge party and of course, his family was invited.

Si mommy na ang naghanda sa guest list. I have no many close friends to invite kaya there's no use kung ako ang gagawa. She invited my classmates and the faculty of the school. So, Kaliah, Ivony and Bian were present with their new friend, si Riley na transferee sa school. Bago namin siyang kaklase. And many seems to like her. Famous raw kasi siya sa school na pinaggalingan niya and she is a teen beauty queen too. Kaya no wonder. She was immediately welcomed to Ivony's group. I am not feeling bitter about it tho.

Since I am about to graduate from highschool I took entrance exams from different Universities. I don't think of studying abroad too. I am not yet decided kung ano ba ang kursong pipiliin ko. I am torn between Tourism course or Fashion Design course. Wala pang results, so maybe I will just base my course on the schools kung saan ako nakapasa. Saka na siguro ako makakapag-decide kung nand'yan na, besides I still have months. 

"Good morning, Mom, Dad," I greeted them as I sat down on my chair sa dining. It's Saturday morning. I am still in my pajamas. Wala akong lakad kaya mamaya na lang ako maliligo.

"You're not going out?" iyon agad ang tanong ni dad pagkatapos akong pasadahan ng tingin.

"No, Dad." Nakasimangot kong sabi.

"I thought you're going out with Khloe?" ani Mommy. I told her that nung Wednesday.

Ate Rose immediately poured milk and water on my glasses. Siya na rin ang naglagay ng pagkain sa pinggan ko.

"She has something to do." We're supposed to go out today, but she canceled our plan just because of her boyfriend. They have a date. Hindi ko pa nami-meet ang boyfriend niya. Taga ibang school kasi.

Simula noong nagka-boyfriend siya madalas na siyang mag-cancel ng lakad namin. She rarely text or video chat me too. Kahit sa school she's too busy with her phone. Kapag magkausap naman kami she talks a lot about her boyfriend and their relationship. Sometimes I am annoyed, but she is happy kaya I let her be. Illias is busy too. Abala rin sila mommy at daddy sa expansion ng kompanya. Kaya I am back being upset again. Si Ate Rose na lang yata ang palagi kong nakakausap.

"s**t! We kissed, Rowin!" nagtitiling sabi ni Khloe over the phone kinagabihan. "As in matagal. Not the smack!"

"Tapos?" matamlay kong sabi at humiga na sa kama ko. She just called to tell me that, really? She is not even sorry that she ditched me. Ilang beses na!

"Damn! I can't describe the feeling. Ang galing niyang humalik!" She sighed dreamily. I can imagine her wiggling like a worm na tinapunan ng salt. 

"Alam na ba ng parents mo?"

Rupert is her first boyfriend. First dahil according to her flings lang daw 'yong mga nauna niya. Isa rin sa reasons why she doesn't have a boyfriend before kahit maraming nanliligaw sa kanya dahil hindi payag ang parents niya. Ngayon lang dahil mukhang gustong-gusto niya talaga si Rupert. I just hope na hindi siya lolokohin nito in the end. I can't imagine her crying because she's broken hearted.

"Do you have to ruin my night?" sarcastic niyang sabi.

"I am just asking."

"You should really get a boyfriend, so you'll know what I feel."

I snorted. No one's even courting me. How can I have one? Not that I want a boyfriend.

"Whatever, Khloe. Most guys now are jerks, so no thanks."

"Trust issues? Bakit have you been fooled before?" pang-aasar niya.

"Not that... The thing is nobody even wants to be friends with me more so kung romantic relationship pa." I did not intend to sound bitter, pero parang naging ganun na rin. Buti na lang hindi niya na pinansin.

"Iba naman 'to. Why don't you make the first move?"

"No way!"

"Duh! You'll just say 'hi' lang naman. Find someone on socmed. Also, having a relationship is different from making friends."

Hindi ba parehas lang naman ang dalawa? It's about establishing connection with each other.

"If I'll act like you, hindi na lang," sabi ko. Itinaas ko ang paa ko. I glanced at my toe. I though of having a foot spa session and pedicure. I take note of that habang pinapakinggan si Khloe sa kabilang linya.

"Ang mean mo!"

"Khloe you are just so all over Rupert, hindi pa nga alam nila tita at tito. What if you'll get caught?"

"Of course they won't know unless you tell them. Ikaw lang kaya nakakaalam. Don't tell me, isusumbong mo ako?"

Umirap ako. "I am not gonna tell them."

"Dapat lang or it's friendship over."

Napailing na lang ako. I am sure she doesn't mean it. I have no intention on spilling her secret din naman. Hindi ko nga ikweninto kina mommy, kahit they asked me many times kung bakit daw hindi na dumadalaw sa bahay si Khloe. I just told them na abala kahit ang totoo she was just with Rupert.

"Yaya, is something wrong with me?" I asked Ate Rose habang pinapanuod ko siyang mag-ayos ng closet ko. Another weekend came. Gaya ng inaasahan ko, Khloe's out with Rupert na naman. Hindi ba sila nagsasawa sa mukha ng isa't-isa?

Nilingon niya ako. "Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"Am I not pretty enough para may magkagusto sa akin?"

Tumigil siya sa pagaayos. Lumapit siya sa akin hawak-hawak pa rin ang hanger."Anong not pretty enough? Ang ganda-ganda mo nga. Pareho mong namana ang magagandang parts ng parents mo noh."

I let out a deep breath and stared at her. Nakakunot ang noo niya habang tinitigan din ako.

"Bakit ba naisip mo 'yan?"

"Well, most of my classmates kasi may nagkakagusto sa kanila."

I am not making a big deal out of it just like my issue on not having lots of friends, nagtataka lang naman ako. I can't help it. It makes me think that something is lacking in me kaya ganoon.

"Hala! May crush ka ba na ayaw sa'yo, Phyllian?" namilog ang mga mata niya. Muntik niya pa akong mahampas ng hanger.

"What? No, Ate. I am just asking."

"Wala kang crush?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

"Meron naman," hindi din ako sigurado dun. Nag-isip pa ako ng males celebrities that I find handsome. "Uhm... Celebrities?"

"Iyong hindi artista."

Nagkibit ako ng balikat. Wala akong maisip. I appreciate guys, pero hindi naman ganoon ka deep. I like them for their attitude or talents. Kaso hindi naman tumatagal. I remember noong inasar ko dati si Illias about the crush thing. Before I just point random famous guy sa school para lang hindi ako masabihang abnormal because I don't have a crush. I don't even know what crush really mean. Minsan kasi, sabi nila in love sila sa crush nila. Akala ko ba paghanga lang?

"Balik tayo du'n sa sinabi mong hindi ka maganda."

"I didn't say na hindi ako maganda."

"Basta yung kanina. Alam mo, Phyllian, normal lang naman iyang ganyan-ganyan. Dumaan din ako d'yan. Siguro hindi pa time para mapansin ang beauty mo. O baka naman may nagkakagusto sa'yo kaya lang nahihiyang lumapit."

I nodded. I don't really get why I am feeling so down. Maybe it's because of Khloe kaya naiisip ko ang ganito. Kung anu-ano kasi ang sinasabi niya.

."Bakit gusto mo bang magka-boyfriend?"

Do I want it? I honestly don't know. Siguro curious lang. And just wondering what the heck is wrong with me. What's the difference between me and other girls in same age with me.

"Hindi ko po alam," I said truthfully.

"Bata ka pa naman. Huwag mo na lang isipin 'yang mga ganyan. Sa ganda mo hindi ka dapat nag-iisip ng kung anu-ano. Boys ang maghahabol sa'yo."

I flinched at the thought of boys mobbing at me. It's cringe and weird. I don't know lang ha.

"Ate, please don't tell mommy about this."

I am embarrassed bringing this topic to my parents lalo na kay daddy. Hindi naman siya mahigpit sa akin, it's just that it is very awkward. Ayokong makarinig ng mga payo niya if ever. I would rather shut my mouth. And in my age right now, hindi naman yata lahat sinasabi sa parents.

"Ay, naku, naku! Kapag may nanliligaw na sa'yo, kilatisin mo muna ha. Mahirap na. Sa panahon ngayon text-text, tawag-tawag, chat-chat boyfriend na agad."

I pouted. Ayoko nga makarinig ng advices, ito namang si Ate Rose kung anu-ano na ang sinasabi. Opening wasn't really that nice. Baka pa masabi niya kay mommy.

I am not really directly interested. Mas pangunahing concern ko pa yata kung paano ako makakakuha ng limited edition na bagong release ng Burberry. Or what item should I sacrifice dahil hindi ko puwedeng bilhin lahat.

Dumating ang graduation. I graduated with an average grade, and passed all my entrance exams sa university. It's still an achievement. My parents were proud naman. In fact, they want to throw a party. Iyon nga lang nahihiya ako. Si Illias nga who graduated with flying colors hindi nagpa-party ako pa kaya? I am fine with a simple dinner kaya iyon ang pinaghandaan ni Mommy.

Magulo ang auditorium sa dami ng tao. Hindi ko na nga makita si Khloe. She is with her parents probably or her boyfriend kung dumating nga si Rupert. Ipapakilala niya na raw. I hope it turns out good.

Tuwang-tuwa ako ng lapitan ako ni Illias. Sabi nga niya hahabol daw siya, and he really came. He has a beautiful bouquet on his hand. Sa kabilang kamay may bitbit siyang paper bag. Binigay niya sa akin ang mga dala niya.

"Thanks!" I smiled widely. Pinasadahan ko ng mabilis na tingin ang bulaklak sa bisig ko.

Illias turned to my parents. He greeted them politely. Nabaling naman ang atensyon ko nang may humawak sa braso ko. I turned my head and saw a schoolmate. Binitawan niya ang braso ko at tipid na ngumiti.

I looked at him, clueless.

"I... Ahm... just want to give you this," he said, halata ang kaba sa boses niya. He handed me a small pink box. May pulang ribbon na nakatali rito. "Kayzer. My name is Kayzer Romualdez from the second section."

I smiled kahit nalilito na ako. Hindi ko pa rin tinatanggap ang nilalahad niyang kahon.

He swallowed hard at napakamot na lang sa batok niya.

"I really like you even before..." mahina niyang sabi, but I heard it. 

"I-I just don't have the guts na makipagkilala sa'yo. Here..." muli niyang inumang ang hawak niya. "Please accept this. It's my graduation gift for you."

Ramdam ko ang pinaghalong kaba at hiya niya kaya tinanggap ko na. "Thank you."

"Rowin," my father called me.

I panicked a bit. I shifted my gaze to dad. Na kay Kayzer na ang tingin niya. Pati sila mommy at Illias nakatingin na rin sa kanya. I moved back my eyes to Kayzer. Mukhang mas lalo siyang nataranta at hindi na alam ang gagawin.

Dad's eyes moved to my hands na hawak ang bigay ni Kayzer.

"S-sige, I'll need to go," alanganin niyang sabi. Mahina niya pang binati sila mommy at daddy bago tumalikod. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin. May dalawang lalaki ang sumalubong sa kanya. Ang isa ay hinampas ang balikat niya. Halatang tinatanong siya ng mga ito.

"You did not invite the guy?" I heard mommy.

"Po?"

"He looked nice, kaso mukhang torpe," komento niya. "Suitor?"

Napakurap-kurap ako at hindi nakasagot.

Umuwi kami ng bahay. Kasama namin si Illias, pero sasakyan niya siya sumakay. While sitting on the back seat naisip ko si Kayzer. Did he just confessed?

 Kinuha ko sa bulsa ko ang bigay niya. I untied the ribbon and removed the cover. Bracelet pala ang laman. It's actually cute. May naka-lagay pang name ko. Mukhang customized. I smiled and shook my head. Hindi ko alam kung bakit masaya ako. I appreciate his gift.

Sinukat ko ang bracelet medyo maluwag, but it's fine. Hindi naman niya alam ang size ng wrist ko. Binalik ko sa bulsa ko ang box. Hindi ko na hinubad ang bracelet. I fumbled for my phone to take a picture. Tatlong shots ang kinuha ko. Isa lang ang maganda ang angle kaya isa lang ang natira. I applied filter on the photo. Natagalan pa ako sa pagpili. When I was done tinago ko na ang phone ko.

Nauna kaming mag-park kaya pagbaba ko ng kotse pahinto pa lang ang kotse ni Illias. Hihintayin ko sana siya para sabay kaming pumasok ng bahay, but I still when someone else get out on the driver's door.

Si Illiad! What is he doing here?

Nasa akin agad ang tingin niya. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. Umismid naman ako at tinalikuran siya. Patakbo akong humabol kay mommy. Sa kanya na lang ako sumabay papasok ng bahay.

He is not even invited.

Sa bungad pa lang nakatayo na si Ate Rose. She was smiling widely habang may hawak na garland na gawa sa mga chocolates. Sinalubong niya ako at sinabitan ng garland.

"Congrats Phyllian!"

"Thank you Ate."

"Hay! Magkokolehiyo ka na... Ay, andito pala si Illias at Kuya niya," aniya at sinilip ang likuran ko.

Hindi na muna ako nagpalit ng damit at nagtanggal ng toga dahil may pictorial. Mommy hired a photographer. Sa sala ang shoot kaya habang nagpi-pictorial nakatingin sa amin sina Illias at mga katulong.

"Illias, come here. You two should take a photo," sabi ni Mommy.

Agad namang lumapit si Illias. Naka-smile na agad ako.

"You join too, Illiad."

Marahas akong napatingin kay Mommy. She's kidding, right? Kaya lang hindi. I groaned inwardly.

Tumabi sa akin si Illiad. Nasa gitna ako nilang dalawa ni Illias. The photographer motioned to get ready. I smiled kahit ayokong sinali pa si Illiad.

"Why are you here?" bulong ko kay Illiad. I glanced at him.

Nagkibit lang siya ng balikat. Kinuha niya ang graduation cap ko at tinakip sa mukha sabay pisil sa pisnge. Kumislap ang flash, kaya alam kong nakuhanan iyon.

"What the hell?" angil ko.

Mabilis ko siyan tinulak nang parang wala siyang ginawa. He seamlessly returned the cap on my head at namulsa.

"I think that's enough. Kumain na tayo," sabi ni mommy.

Nag-walk out ako na wala namang naka-pansin. Padabog akong umakyat ng hagdan. Dumiretso ako sa kuwarto para magpalit ng damit. Nagpalit ako ng pink crop top at high waist denim shorts. Dahil naka-curl pa ang dulo ng hair ko, inayos ko na lang kaunti at hindi sinuklay para hindi masira. Bumaba na ako.

The food was ready. Kumain din kami agad. Panay ang irap ko kay Illiad kapag nagkakasalubong ang mga tingin namin. Kinukunutan niya lang ako ng noo.

"Kailan ka pa nakauwi, Illiad?" tanong ni Daddy sa kanya.

"Just last week, Tito."

"Kumusta naman ang studies mo? I bet you're doing great."

Ngumisi lang si Illiad. I made face. So full of himself. Sanay na sanay na pinupuri!

"Kailan ang balik mo?" si mommy naman ang nagtanong.

"Next week po."

Mommy smiled. "That's quite a short stay. Buti at dumalaw ka rito. Phyllian missed you. She's been asking about you."

Nakagat ko ang dila ko. Napangiwi ako sa sakit.

What? What is my mother talking about?

Illiad turned to me with annoying smirk plastered on his lips. "Talaga po?"

Kokontra dapat ako, pero masakit ang dila ko. Ininom ko na lang ng juice ang inis ko.

After our dinner, binigay na nila mommy at daddy ang gifts nila sa akin. I happily opened it in front of them. Ang gift sa akin ni mommy ay bagong release ng i-phone at macbook. Si daddy naman ay trip to Paris sa darating na fashion week next month. I hugged them and kissed them. I am so happy.

Sunod kong binuksan ang gift ni Illias. It's a pair of rubber shoes in rose gold and white. I've been meaning to buy this but sold out na.

"Ah... Thank you for this."

Nagulat ako nang lumapit si Illiad. He placed two paper bags in front of me. I was taken a back. Sa tingin ko nagpigil pa ako ng hininga. He got a gift for me?

Tiningna ko ang card na nasa pinaka malaking kahon. It's from Tita. She penned a message, too.

Ngumuso ako. So, it's not from him? Something dropped on my stomach. I felt a little disappointment. I shrugged it immediately and went on opening my gift. A pair of Christian Louboutin black heels. It looks formal and elegant.

Kinuha ko ang isa pang kahon. Walang nakalagay na card or tag. Maybe tita gave me two gifts?

Pinilas ko ang wrapper. Medyo makapal ang balot at packaging. After that, I finally saw what's inside, napaawang ang labi ko. It's one of the rarest classic polaroid. I don't even know kung makakabili pa ba nito ngayon.

Nakagat ko ang labi ko. Nag-angat ako ng tingin. I caught Illiad's eyes. He is staring at me na tila naghihintay ng reaksyon ko.

"Please tell Tita, thank you for these," I paused para huminga. I felt like air has been knocked out of my lungs. "I-I like it... it's so nice."

"You should send a photo to Iliana," ani mommy.

Nakatingin pa rin ako kay Illiad. Para akong naghihintay na sabihin niyang sa kanya galing ang camera. He just stared at me habang binaling ko na kay mommy ang tingin. Sumunod ako sa pinapagawa niya.

Nang muli akong sumulyap kay Illiad, nakatalikod na siya. He brought out his phone from his pocket. He immediately put it on his ear.

I sighed. I don't even know what it was for. I just thought I needed to breathe.