Tainted Roses

CHAPTER 2

SERENA

Starting over sounds easier when someone else says it. For example, they would be like "Just apply somewhere else." Or, "Just move on."

"Just find another company."

People say these things as if rebuilding a life is as simple as changing one's clothes. They don't tell you about the moments when you sit in front of your laptop for an hour, staring at job applications, wondering if you still have the confidence to put yourself out there again. Not about the fear of being judged by people who know nothing about what really happened or the fear that maybe, after everything, you are no longer the person you used to be.

I hate that I think like that because I know myself, the work I have done and what I am capable of. But sometimes, knowing your worth does not stop the world from making you question it.

My phone rings, pulling me away from my thoughts. I look at the screen and smile slightly when I see Darcy's name.

"Hello."

"Please tell me you are not still sitting at home staring at your laptop."

I glance at the open screen in front of me.

"How do you always know?" I ask her.

"Because I know you." She replies.

I lean back in my chair and stare at the lovely view my apartment came with.

"That is a little frightening, you know."

"Well it should be. Now tell me, have you applied anywhere today?"

I hesitate before I reply.

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Serena, come on."

"Fine. I haven't." I say to her and then there's a long pause. I can already imagine the look on her face.

"You are unbelievable."

"I think you mean I am being realistic."

"No, you are being afraid." I open my mouth to argue with her, but I stop. Because she is right.

"I just don't want to go through this again."

Her voice seems to soften when she says she knows and for a moment, neither of us speaks.

Then she says,

"But you can't let what happened at F.U.I. convince you that every door will close."

I look down at my hands and realize that tears are dropping from my eyes. I hope she doesn't know that.

"I don't know if I can trust people the same way."

"You don't have to trust everyone."

A small smile touches my lips as I try to keep my voice calm.

"That sounds very encouraging."

"It is. I'm saying ‘trust yourself first’."

I let out a quiet breath and realize that maybe that is what I have been forgetting; myself. After we hang up, I return to my laptop and that is when I see it - Sinclair Holdings.

I recognize the name immediately. In fact I think everyone does. It's a company known for its success, strict standards, and the man leading it; Simon Sinclair.

I stare at the application form for several seconds. A company like this does not hire people because they feel sorry for them. They hire people who can deliver and maybe that is exactly what I need. A place where my work matters more than my past.

So I click apply.

**********************************

A few days later, I stand outside Sinclair Holdings with a nervous feeling I refuse to admit exists. The building is impressive. Not just because of its size but also because of the atmosphere. Everything feels controlled, professional and different. I keep on looking until I get to the reception desk.

"Good morning. I have an interview scheduled."

The receptionist looks up and smiles.

"Name, please?"

"Serena Wilson."

She types something into the computer and looks back at me.

"Yes, Ms. Wilson. First round interview with the management team." She says and I nod.

"Thank you."

As I sit in the waiting area, I watch people move around me.

Nobody looks rushed or uncertain. There is a confidence here that I find interesting.

"Ms. Wilson?" Someone calls and I stand.

"Yes?"

"This way, please."

The interview room is smaller than I expected. It's less intimidating and somehow, that helps. The questions come quickly, but I am ready and I answer to the best of knowledge. They ask about my experience, my skills and my approach to difficult situations. I answer honestly but when they ask about challenges, I do not mention F.U.I.

Not yet and they probably know about it already. That part of my life still feels too painful to explain to strangers.

When I leave the building, I do not know what will happen. But I feel lighter and for the first time in months, I feel like I have done something for myself.

****************************

Days later, I'm on my couch watching a movie when my phone rings and I answer without checking the number.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, may I speak with Serena Wilson?" The person on the line asks.

"This is her." I reply

"Ms. Wilson, I am calling from Sinclair Holdings. We would like to invite you for the final stage of your interview process."

My heart skips.

"The final stage?"

"Yes. You will be meeting with Mr. Simon Sinclair." She informs me and I suddenly go quiet.

The CEO, Simon Sinclair himself.

"I understand. Thank you."

After the call ends, I stare at my phone. A final interview with Simon Sinclair should be exciting to me and it is but I'm also nervous because this is not just another interview. This is an interview with the person whose decision could change everything.

I look at myself in the mirror the next morning before leaving.

"One interview," I whisper.

That's all it is. But deep down, I know better. Something about Sinclair Holdings feels different. And I have a feeling my life is about to change in ways I cannot predict.

++++++++++----------------+++++++++++

I have been telling myself all morning that it is just another interview. That I have done this before and I know what I am doing. But there is something different about walking into a room knowing the person sitting across from you has the power to decide whether you get a fresh start or not. Ugh. And when that person is Simon Sinclair, it is hard not to feel the weight of it.

I arrive at Sinclair Holdings earlier than necessary and I blame it on being prepared. Not on my nerves. Definitely not nerves. Apparently, Mr Sinclair has the entire top floor to himself and that's where I'll be meeting him. I head there and I'm marvelled by how beautiful and quiet it is. Classy in a subtle but gripping way. If I get the job, I'll be working here and that brings a smile to my face.

The receptionist looks up as I approach the desk.

"Good morning." She greets me.

"Good morning. I have an appointment with Mr. Sinclair."

She types something into the computer before looking back at me.

"Serena Wilson?"

I nod.

"Yes."

"Mr. Sinclair is expecting you. Someone will be with you shortly."

"Thank you."

I take a seat, placing my hands neatly in my lap. The office is different from anywhere I have worked before. There seems to be only four rooms in here; Mr Sinclair's office, one almost as big as his, a boardroom, and a resting area where one could also have lunch privately and it's all glass so everywhere is open and see through except his office. I guess he put the blinds on. The rest of the space is open. There's a little kitchen space for coffee and snacks, a small curb for books and the receptionist area. It is strange but in a good way.

A woman approaches a few minutes later. Coming out of the office I believe is Mr. Sinclair's.

"Ms. Wilson?"

She asks and I stand.

"Yes."

"I'm Amelia , the human resources director. Please follow me."

I thank her and follow her back to the office from which she just came out. Amelia stops in front of the large office door and points at it.

"Mr. Sinclair will see you now."

I take a breath.

"Thank you."

She walks away, leaving me standing there. For a brief moment, I consider everything that brought me here. The disappointment, anger and the feeling of being discarded after giving everything I had. Then I push those thoughts aside because I am not walking into this room as someone who lost. I am walking in as someone who is ready for something new.

I knock twice and wait.

"Come in." A calm voice calls out. The voice controlled and calm, yet roughly thick in a nice way too.

I open the door and I see him. Simon Sinclair. I understand immediately why people talk about him. It is not just because he is successful; it's the presence. The kind of confidence that does not need to announce itself. He stands behind his desk, looking through a document before his attention shifts to me.

"Ms. Wilson."

"Mr. Sinclair."

He gestures toward the chair in front of him.

"Please, sit." He offers and I do.

For a few seconds, he simply looks through a file I believe to be my resume. Not in the way people usually do. Not like he is searching for something to criticize but like he is actually reading it.

"You spent four years at F.U.I." He says

"Yes."

"And your previous role involved handling major client accounts and strategic development."

"Yes."

He looks up like he's contemplating something in his head.

"Why did you leave?"

The question catches me off guard and he seems to notice. I expected it but then expecting something does not always make answering easier.

"I was looking for a company where I could continue growing and F.U.I. wasn't it." I reply

It is not a lie, it's just not the entire truth. His eyes remain on me for a moment longer. Then he nods.

"Fair answer."

I am not sure what that means but the interview continues. He asks about my experience, my approach to leadership, and the way I handle pressure. Questions that require more than memorized answers. And I start to notice something. He actually listens, does not interrupt and doesn't dismiss my answers. He does not seem distracted by anything other than what I am saying. Which is unusual but nice and I hate that I notice.

Because the last thing I need is to be distracted by the fact that my potential employer is incredibly attractive. Not just physically but in his character as well.

So I focus on the conversation and not the man.

"You seem very determined," he says.

I meet his eyes when I reply.

"I have had to be."

Something seems to shift slightly in his expression. I find that it's not pity or curiosity but something else. Something I can't name and before I can understand it, it disappears.

The interview ends sooner than I expected with Simon closing my file.

"Thank you for your time, Ms. Wilson."

I stand.

"Thank you for considering me."

As I leave the office, I am unsure of what just happened. I don't know if I got the job and if Simon Sinclair sees me as someone capable of joining his company. But one thing stays with me. For the first time in a long time, someone looked at me and seemed interested in what was behind the surface. Not my appearance or my past but in me. And somehow, that feels like the most dangerous thing of all.