The Invisible Mystery

Chapter 22: Happiness that she did not have (Someone)

We were dancing around the bonfire without even giving any single care about what was going on the world. We were singing as though this was one of the best thing that had ever happened on our lives - the best thing that had ever happened ever since that day, that day that everything was suddenly gone for all of us.

“Hey!” someone suddenly called me, which made me look at his direction and a smile formed onto my lips as soon as I saw that he was going near me with a small smile on his face as though he was glad to see me like this way.

I stopped dancing for the meantime, even though I did not feel tired at all because I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to say something to him. I wanted to tell everything to him, to them, because somehow, it felt like this would be the end for me.

Somehow, it felt like I was complete. Everything that I needed to do for this world was already complete. Somehow, it felt like I did not have to worry about anything at all, and all I had to focus was on the thought that I was happy as of this moment - that I felt this joy that I never had a chance to have before.

“I am glad that you looked so happy right now,” he told me as soon as I sat beside him, which made me let out a huge grin as I nodded my head at him. “I remembered that time when all your focus was solely for studying.”

I laughed a little when I heard him say that as I suddenly remembered those time that I did not even bother to walk home with them because I always reasoned that I still needed to study. Those time that I always refused their offer whenever they wanted to hang out outside of the school, because I said that I still have so many things to do.

Those times that I always refused to the fun that they wanted to do - to relieve the stress as what they had said. Those times that I had a countless of chance to do something other than studying, but I refused over and over again because I thought that studying was more important other than that.

I thought that all I had to do on this group, on this section, was to prove myself that I was really fit for this class. I wanted to prove them that I was really meant to be on this section because of my own intelligence.

I thought all I had to do was to prove my parents that they have never been wrong when they thought of enrolling me on this class. I thought that I had to prove to them that I could be on the top because of my own hardwork, because of my own intelligence.

I thought that was the most important thing for me to do - proving them that I was one with this section, that I was one of the most intelligent people on our time. I thought that was my only goal that I almost forgotten how to have fun and how to remove all these pressure that I have set for myself.

No one really wanted to prove my worth. No one have ever told me to do so. I know. I know, because when the first time that I have a lower grades than usual, I have heard the words to my parents that I never thought I would ever hear from them.

Those words that I have never thought they would ever say to me, because I thought that they wanted me to be the best. Because I thought that they wanted me to do everything that I could just so I could prove to everyone that they were never been wrong to choose me - that they were never been wrong when it was their time to choose the last one that was fit for this section.

“It is alright.” I remembered that my Mother had said those words to me the moment that I had a courage to tell them what had happened on my last exam.

Actually, I did not know what had happened that day. I did not know why I suddenly got a low score even though I stayed up late because I was studying the lesson that was covered in the examination. I did not know why I suddenly got the lowest score that I ever had, even though I already tried my best on that day.

“Your Mom is right,” my Father told me that made me look at him as I clearly remembered the exact words that he had told me, which made me realize that I was so focused on a goal that I did not even liked to have. “There were times that you have to face something like that. Something that will make you realize that maybe, there is something more for you - something that is really meant for you.”

I remembered those lines - that time when I saw how my Mother gave me an encouraging smile as she said, “Maybe, you needed to be a little laid back?” which made me look at her, confused because I never thought that I would hear something like that from her. “I mean, I have heard that you have been staying all night in the library and when I asked some of your classmates, they had said that you were not joining them whenever they were hanging out with each other.”

“That is right,” my Dad agreed and I remembered that he had almost the same smile that my Mom had as she was saying those words to me. “Maybe, you have put yourself under a lot of pressure that you almost forgotten that it is still alright for you to do something other than studying.”

That was the moment that I suddenly realized everything that I have been doing ever since I entered the Section A. The words that came from my own parents made me realize that maybe, I was too pressured about that test. Maybe, I was overthinking about the results that time and that results for the worst nightmare that I ever had.

It made me realize that they were right. That I indeed put myself under a lot of pressure, even though no one was telling me to do so. I have been so focused on my goal that I have forgotten how to be happy - I have forgotten how to feel that accomplishment that I have done something that would really make me feel alive, something that would make me feel the happiness that I had forgotten to have.

I was so focused on my goals that I have already forgotten how to have fun.

Because of that day, I have decided to open myself up to everyone once again. I have decided to get along with them, because now that I think about it, I think that I never had a chance to get close to any of them because I was too blinded with my goals.

I was too blinded with what I was aiming for that I thought that even the friends that I should have were also my enemy.

I decided to get along with them. I decided to hang out with them and let myself be happy even just for a while. I let myself smile as I felt that emotion that I had forgotten that I had because of my goals.

I was really glad when they accepted me as though it was nothing to them when I always refused to go along with them. It was as though they did not mind it and they did not even think that it was rude of me that I had done something like that towards them.

Even though I acted like a b*tch and never get close to them, they still accepted me as one of them - as one of this best section that I ever went to. They never pointed out what I had done to them in the past, and instead, they still pursue to really make me agree to go with them so that I could let all my stress out, so that I could remove the pressure that I always felt.

It made feel happy. It made me feel contented, but somehow, I knew that there was still something that was stopping me to be completely happy. There was still something inside me that was telling me that I should not do that - that I should not be that happy because there was still so many things that I needed to do.

The time that day had come, and I was still thinking about it. Even though I was with them and I was doing all the things that I wanted, there were still so many odd feelings inside of me as though someone was whispering to me that I should not do that, that I should have just focused on studying and not on unnecessary things.

There was still something that was stopping me to be completely happy as though the pressure that I have always felt was still there and I still did not have any chance to remove that kind of feeling inside of me.

Up until that time that that incident had happened, I was still thinking about it. I was still thinking that I should not have done that. I should have just studied thoroughly so that I would be able to be on top. I was still thinking like that kind of way, until the end.

Maybe, that was the reason that I was still here - the reason why I could not seem to do anything to make myself rest and never come back. Maybe, that was the reason why I could not seem to cross the afterlife, because I was still thinking about it.

I was still thinking that should haves and not the greatest thing that I have felt when I was with them. I was still thinking of those what ifs, even though I knew that going along with them was the best thing that had ever happened in my life.

I was still pressuring myself, even though I had already felt that it was the end for myself.

“You know?” I looked at him once again when I had heard that he had said those words to me. I saw how he stood up from his seat as though he had other plans other than reminiscing my past. He looked back at me with a huge smile on his face as he said, “You should be happy. You should not stop yourself from feeling like that way. You should enjoy this time, because you did not have to worry about anything any longer.”

After he had said those words to me, he had left me behind to talk to our other classmates who were still having fun while they were dancing around the bonfire, and I was left thinking about the words that he had said to me.

“I did not have to worry about anything any longer,” I whispered to myself as smile was suddenly formed onto my lips - a huge grin was evident on my face as though I had thought that he was right, that I really needed to do that because just like what he had said, I did not have to worry about any single thing any longer.

I looked up as soon as I have heard that they were shouting. I looked up and saw that Evo and Liana had already joined them as they were also dancing around the bonfire. I looked up and saw how they enjoyed this sudden celebration that we had.

I saw how they all enjoyed the way that we were all on this place, not caring about the world and was just focusing on the celebration that we have as of this moment. It was as though we did not have any problem at all - as though we were not facing any obstacle at all.

It made me smile once again. It made me let out a huge grin as I continued to watch them as they danced and sing around the bonfire. It made me feel contented and at the same time, happy because just like what he had said to me earlier, I did not have to worry about anything anymore.

I let out a meaningful smile as I looked at them while they were enjoying this small party that we did. It was as though even if I have so many things in my life, even if I knew that I should be sad because I had missed the way that we could have done these things while we were still alive, and even if I knew that I should be guilty because I did not let myself get lost on that emotion called happiness, I did not have felt any ounce of negative emotion as of this moment.

I did not feel any guilt at all as I watched them while they were having fun. I did not feel the sadness that I should feel because I have missed so many things. I did not feel anything at all as all I have inside me was contentment and nothing else.

I smiled to myself once again as I stood up from my seat and immediately ran towards where they were. I had a huge grin while I was doing just that as though I was really excited about this - as though I really wanted to do this and nothing else.

I joined the fun. I also shouted alongside with them then I sang along with that song that I always hear on our classroom - that song that was so fit for our section, a song that became so meaningful for me.

I sang and danced along with them as I even waved my hands up in the air as I was enjoying myself - as I was enjoying this seen right in front of me. I laughed and talked to them as I did not stop myself from being so happy anymore. I did not stop myself from finding joy on this celebration that we were having.

I looked up at the sky as I was listening to the voices of my friends. I looked up as I let out a smile that I have never wore on my face before. I let out a smile that I never thought I would ever have, because of everything that had happened to me, because of every regrets that I have felt when I was still so focused on my own goals.

For once in my life in this world, I felt genuinely happy. For once ever since that incident had happened, I felt like I did not have to worry about anything and all I had to do was to feel the contentment that I should have.

I continued to stare up at the starry sky as I saw a sudden light, though it never blind me - it never really made me squint as all I could feel was the contentment and the happiness that I have as of this moment.

I did not care about any single thing anymore. I did not care as all I could feel was the happiness that I never felt before.

A happiness that I never thought I would ever have.

Maybe, there were some things that we really regret thought we should do first before anything else, but then again, along the way, you would eventually realize that there were some other things that you may have forgotten that might be the key for you to feel the happiness that was always inside of you.