Burnt Flower

Parched Journey

The record I've kept in my historical evaluations had built this continuous rhetoric about the purpose of my aim as regards to a love life. I mean if I was to inquire from a fraction of the human mind about their contact with it sweet poison, most would have acclaimed of how it had worked to their adoration or incapacitation. Mine lacks either of this essence, as my contact to it is as weak as time without consequence will afford me. I've come to a conclusion that perhaps there was some cosmic force of nature in me, which had decided to play the role of my dominance such that nothing will ever be enough to be worthy of heart... Irrespective of my say in the matter. For a girl like Aisha, I might have questioned the sequence at which I poised my desire to her but pondering over it, I only discovered of how pure and genuine my affection for her was. For one she made her existence my purpose. I would sleep with her name in my lips and wake to her calling. Some night I would keep repeating a song with strips of eye water staining my cheek just because of the idea of having her close by....

🎵kòkòrò ìfẹ mi ibo lowa ooo

ará mi wa l'ọna, bò wálé

ololufẹ fifẹ rẹ yíì lé ayé mi pada

loneliness is boring...🎵

The attachment however dwindled and eventually faded as time and her bewildering attitude pushed on . At the end of it all, I came to live without her treacherous Gale haunting me and a realization she never really held the position of a girlfriend, infact she stood adjacent to it consideration. I wouldn't consider it some self reckoning freedom, it was more like an incognito of a masked nemesis.

At Sydney Chrome, the center where my parents registered me in. My ambition for a new love was nothing close to a wandering dream in a wanderer's tale. My mind never really connected to any of the gals there. They all seem more of a smug to me and not befitting of my interior design of the girl in my dreams. At least not untill I met the founder's younger sister, Alisha. She was a typical representation of an heavenly bunny, as her cuteness was out of this world. She was so sweet and had this calm voice that reminded me of rose berries also considered the fact that she was loved by almost everyone and her looks was self inviting. At first, I only considered her a mere colleague but time and stares worked some mischievous magic into my heart. The more I visualized her was the more I painted her as a perpetual soul mate. That however came with an ironic twist cuz not only didn't she sit up as a mind constructed lover, we never for once had any real conversation. She was just a fog in my brain waiting to settle. When I arrived at the center, I was considered one of the most brilliant and oldest among my peers so I was easily notable. The founder who happens to be our ringleader had so much hope in me and I also tried as much not to ruin his aspiration for me but I was i love with her younger sis and that was a real bummer. In the center, relationship between both s*x was absolutely strict and compelling. A silent misconstrue of messages might result in heavy disciplinary action so it made it even difficult and impossible for a slightly hedged timid guy like me to approach her smart humid alluring damsel. At first I related the idea to some of my colleagues but they dissuaded me from the idea. I come to find out their disapproval was partially because most of them had their eyes on the same game. After this revelation I decided to put their entrustment aside.

My first actual encounter with her took place at class. There was a lotta noise and I can barely focus on my own thoughts. Solomon came to me and hushed into my ears.

"Look who's here". I turned to the direction of some females who were colluding and I saw her appealing figure amidst them.

"You said you learnt Spanish rt? He continued

"No...I just know some few stuffs".He prolonged a stare at me while my eyes were still fixed on Alisha.

" Give me an instance. I wanna show off" he was grinning now

"Mi amor" I simply said.

"What?"

"Mi amor" It means my love....but you can't let her know you learnt that from me... Before I could finish Solomon rushed to the white board with a board marker and wrote it so bold everyone could see it.

"MI AMOR"

Almost immediately all the kids in class had crowded around him all with the same question in mind "what was the strange code on the board?" but he kept grinning widely like some war hero. As the tension builds. Alisha pushed her way across the crowd and stopped by Solomon side.

"What is this you have written?" She asked ignorantly

"My love.." Solomon replied still feeling superfluous. "It's Spanish". Alisha looked at the wordings carefully

"And who taught you?" She inquired. Solomon turned to my direction.

"That would be Leon". I didn't expect that so immediately she took a first step at my direction I immediately brought out one of the center textbook and pretended I was in some cohesive Cogitation. She burrowed down on me and placed her hands on the desk

"Leon". I look up from the book pretending to be taken aback.

"Hi... Alisha" I replied clumsily, gripping the book more firmly.

"Solomon here said you're a linguist, especially in Spanish" She continued smiling rather radiantly

"You mean the crumbs I was able to gather from movies and internet....Plus at my former center we were educated in regards to other languages..." I was quick enough to make the correction. Not like I wouldn't fancy a show off idea, except that it was true, my knowledge of the language was quite limited.

She bent a little closer to me and pointed at the picture of an house.

"How about that?" She inquired slightly peeking at my gestures.

"Oh! That's...Casa" I replied mimicking a Spanish tongue.

"Casa" she repeated after me

"yh" I tried so hard not to fix my gaze on her, but her humility itself was alluring.

" You know....when I grow older some day and have me my hubby in our little casa" her pronunciation appeared more English now. "I'm going to refer him as mi amor" she continued giggling slightly. I could only wonder. Gals Dreamworld and fairyland will always be a mystery to me. I wanted to imagine being that amor....but there were just too many fractions that posed it unfeasible. Solomon later came to me and indulged me of a probability of having a shot. I also really wanted to believe it but something kept jittering me that it was all a facade. Irrespective of this, I tried to play along and my second encounter with her took effect most immediately after the previous event.

It was on a Friday night and due to the fact the boys hostel was a little bit farther from that of the girls. We boys at times had to venture to the female residence to get our dinner. Naturally, on most days our dinner stand basically to be that of eba (cassava paste) and vegetable stew but I was an alien to the meal, courtesy of my upbringing and preferences, so due to this factor they had to consider substituting it for fufu (cassava dough) another typical Yoruba dish. In most cases I had to request the assistance of some of the younger boys to help me collect my share since it's different from what they're being served and I was too apathetic against the idea of such encumbrance adventure. On this particular day however, the boys collected their food early leaving mine behind and since they were not obliging to go on such errand. I had to visit the location myself with my friend Solomon as back up. On arriving at the venue, we knocked at the gate continuously and when it finally swung open, it was her head that popped out. I almost lost my footings and I had to get a grip on myself.

"Hey" I simply said

"Hi" she was staring directly into my face quite indignantly actually.

"I......came for my dinner" I stuttered

"there's no dinner" her voice cut through the wind like steel

"what?"

"Have you read of the tale of fireflies?"

"the what?" and with that she slammed the gate at my face. I was utterly confused, I turned to Solomon

"what was that again?"

"Hunger!" He simply said

"you mean I've got to go through hunger cuz of her attitude"

"No I meant hunger killed the firefly. That's the tale"

"What?!..are you guys insane?". I tried rapping against the door once more.....but I thought against it. For one I didn't have the stomach to stand her presence again.

"would you help me talk to the lady" I looked towards Solomon for help

"No way!. You heard her. There's no dinner for you tonight. Just let's head back" and without waiting for my decision he turned and started off back towards the dormitory and as we trekked back the tale of the firefly kept reoccurring into my mumbling mind.

***************

After that incident, I became more careful as to the way I deal with her, of course there were time we exchanged glances but they were familiar glances that took us back to that night.

As the tide of time kept coursing through my stay at the academy I found myself being employed (charitably) as a teacher under the same academy except that my services was basically sought for the need to teach the primary 4 student which happened to be occupied by just one pupil. Her name was Fatima and she was a very cute calm little girl who I so much enjoyed teaching. Our session mostly involves partial academics thrills and partial gossips. She enlightened me a lot about Alisha, what they say about me in the hostel and her emotions for me. Although most of this discussion doesn't always turn to my tide but it was irrespective very pleasant having her around as a friend and a student. She was always giggling and chiding me for my lack of courage to set aside our differences and ask her out directly. My relationship with Fatima however ended so abruptly as The Director's wife started developing some unscrupulous suspicion about my having an affair with the little gal. It was so disgusting at the time but I had to bury it under the hatchet. I was removed from teaching her and placed in a different class.

The institution which I stayed wasn't one that entertained any relationship between opposite s*x and any student caught exchanging s****l or romantic gestures might just not live to tell the tale.

I, for one try to evade whatever would get me into trouble and if this involve avoiding someone who possibly doesn't give a f**k about me well then by all means necessary why not?. I spent most of my days trying so hard to concentrate more on my studies and pretending I had no clue of what it means to have a love life, considerably I could still consider myself young for that s**t. I was just 16. Then there came a day. The director who also happened to be a cleric decided he wanted to evaluate his students based on their response to the activities going around... socially, physically.... emotionally. It was more like a therapeutical session. We were called into his office one at a time, he asked a series of questions and tried to structure and plan out your future taking note of your personal desire and distastes of course. When it was my turn. I entered his office and he was just there, sitting behind his desk sorting some documents. I could only wonder, what kind of questions he was going to inquire from me. He motioned for me to take a seat. I walked casually with a little air of uncertainty and sat gently.

"Hi Leon" He started grimly

"Hey" I replied quite curtly still not sure of what I'm up against.

"How're you doing"

"very well sir"

"Do you know why you're here". There was silence

"for questioning...I presume" I replied fumbling with my words and this made him chuckle

"of course not, if you're here for questioning, that'll mean you're in some kinda trouble and you ain't in any trouble....are you?" he grimaced

"umm....no sir "

"Good!. Y'know, you're one of my best and favorite students right?.. prolly the most favorite if I must add". I could only fake a slight smile.

"Now tell me Leon. what do you think of our facility "

"it's cool" I answered almost immediately. He shifted his chair steadily a bit

"it's cool?" he repeated

"yes sir" now I was starting to consider my chances of escaping this tensed room.

"you don't have any observations?" his stares was starting to become a little bit discomforting

"umm...not at all sir".

"Okay!." he stared at me even more intensely like he was trying to read my mind or something. "so tell me, what's your plan after you leave this environment". Now this seems like a tricky question...I mean what does he expect me to say?

"Go to the university...I guess"

"Oh! so you wanna go to the university!" and then he returned to a scowl and I could swear I was having a battle with my composure.

"Yes sir!"

"what are you going to study?"

"Law"

"you want to study law?"

"yes sir". He shifted his chair in an uneasy way again.

"Well that sounds amazing. I'm sure you're going to make one hell of a lawyer". I gave the fake smile again. Then almost suddenly he draw closer to me.

"Now I want you to be honest with me about something" His voice carried this seriousness that I had never seen before.

"umm...okay". Mine was quite feeble.

"You'll be honest with me ... won't you now?" he appeared even more curious than necessary

"Yes sir". He looked at me more intently.

"is there any gal in this school, that might have caught your attention?. Now you don't have to lie to me" he quickly added "I'm just trying to help. Consider me for once a friend...will you?". I opened my mouth to say something but I immediately closed it. I knew this was a trap all this generous motive was just so I can spit some dust and he can have me welded into his infamous squeaking chair.

"I don't...." I began

"think... Leon before you make that statement. I'm just a friend here...and I know I banned having any relationship in the center but it doesn't say you don't have someone you might be eyeing. Now, I'm not accusing of any misappropriation. I just want to know your heart and perhaps...help you achieve your aim". I should know. The man was a demigod with his words and I was just a squirrel trying to avert problem but his words were so catchy I Iost my footings for that moment.

"well... there is..." and almost immediately his eyes widened like they were going to bulge out of their sockets. I got a bit terrified. what have I done?

"well continue!" his voice carried so much authority I had to give up any scheme to escape his ambush

"your sis...." the words itself squirmed at my utterance.

"my sis?...you mean Aisha?" He looked like someone who was about to devour an entire matured life cow.

"yes sir" I fell in so silently in resolution and then there was this long tensed silence.

He muttered slowly "and this as been going on under my roof"

"you don't get it sir....she doesn't even know it...it was just an harmless crush. I promise I'll never entertain any of such thought....ever again"....I started trying in haste to defend her integrity and clean up my mess.

"but you do care about her... don't you?". I faced down unsure of how to answer giving the present circumstances.

"I....yes sir" I finally said.

"and you never thought of involving me?" he queried. What did he expect? that I was gonna barge into his office with so much air of confidence and declare inadvertently. My amazing Director...I'm so crazy about your sister that I've decided to let you know outrightly.

"I am your director for a reason Leon"..he continued."and that includes to assist and guide you while you're under my custody" I coy only nod

"now what plans do you have for Alisha?" This got me thrown aback. What plans do I have for someone who has no idea I even have anything for her, can the question get any more ridiculous?

"umm...I don't know yet sir" I simply said. He kept silent for a while

"I'm going to help you irrespective. You'll finish from here....both of you will and maybe... just maybe you guys can get married before entering school. That way you can stay more committed to her. Are you okay with that?" Now this came more like a joke but except for the scowl which refused to excuse his face. I would have termed him a clown. However as impossible and fictional as his assertion sounded, it sounded a bit exciting, almost believable. I assumed the role of the compliant throughout the meeting. He dismissed me after his supposed deliverance and I was asked to call in the next person in attendance.

That day marked the end of one of the many opportunistic chances I had at having a love life. Not like the tale did not crawl ahead but the aftermath were more or less a blur. The director never mentioned anything about what we discussed again after that day and I never bothered to remind him. It was like the scenery never happened and I was just a victim of hopeless promises.