Candlelight and shadows

Chapter 5 Hidden desires

I woke up the next morning from my bed, more like I woke from my dreams, smiling at nothing. It was really happening. I was going to Jeremy's apartment. Just thinking about it made my stomach flutter. The way he said my name the calm authority in his tone, it was like a spell I didn't want to break.

That evening, after work, I found myself walking into a boutique not just any, but the kind that smelled of expensive perfume And soft music. A lingerie store.

I didn't even think twice. I ran my fingers along silks and lace, imagining the look in Jeremy's eyes when he'd see me in one of them. I picked something delicate, black with tiny gold details bold, but not desperate. Beautiful. Dangerous. Something that said, remember me.

As I walked home, the bag in my hand felt heavier than it should. I couldn't wait to tell Lara. But then halfway down the hall, I stopped.

No. Not this time.

Some things were better kept to myself.

“Hey girl”, Lara called from to the kitchen the moment I walked in. “How are you? How was work?”

“I'm fine”, I said, smiling quickly. “Just tired”.

“Did the presentation go well?”

“Yes girl, it did. My supervisor said we can move the formula for production”.

Her face lit up. “Oh, that's amazing! I can't wait to get my hands on your lipstick. Since you're basically producing everything that company sells, I still wonder why you haven't started your own line yet”.

I laughed lighty, pretending to listen but my mind was far away. I was thinking about the lingerie. About how it would feel when Jeremy's hands touched it. About how his breath might sound my neck.

“Adina!” Lara's voice snapped me out of it.

“What!” I shouted back, startled.

She gave me that look. “Are you even listening to me?”

“I am… I'm right here with you,” I lied forcing a smile.

“ No, you're not. You're somewhere else and smiling to yourself, by the way”.

“It's nothing”, I said quickly, standing up. “I'm going to my room”.

Before I could take a step, she reached for my bags.

“Come back here. What did you buy?”

“Nothing!” I said, tugging them back.

“Lara, stop!” I tried to pull away, but the bag slipped. The next thing I knew the thin paper tore open, and my lingerie tumbled onto the floor like a secret exposed to daylight.

Lara froze and then burst into laughter. “Oh my God, Adina! What is this?”

I felt heat rush to my face. “Stop that!”

“Well, look at you!” She teased, picking up the black lace.” Are you trying to seduce me?”

“Don't get ahead of yourself”, I muttered, snatching it back.

“So when did you start buying lingerie? It's not like we have anyone else living here”.

“ It's not for us”, I said quickly, heading toward my room.

She followed me eyes wide, “wait… who's it for?”

I stopped at my door and turned around slowly. “Jeremy. He invited me to dinner at his place”.

Her mouth fell open, then curved into a wicked grin. “Wow, girl. You're finally going to get some real D after months of using Daven”.

“Lara!” I gasped, laughing and embarrassed all at once.

“What?” She said smirking. “You're the one who named your toy”.

She wasn't wrong. Daven, my little secret.

My go to when the night felt too long and the loneliness got too loud. I'd Googled it once, that it was healthy, it wasn't bad to take care of yourself. And it helped, in a strange hollow kind of way.

Because even when I was with other men. The rich ones with fast cars, it was not real, just transactions and temporary spark. No warmth. No connection, just noise.

But with Jeremy… it felt different. There was a spark that made me nervous and alive. Something real but made me a little terrified.

Lara's laughter softened. “You really like him, don't you?”

I didn't answer, I didn't have to. She saw it in my face.

“Be careful”, she said finally. “You fall too fast”.

“Maybe”, I whispered, looking down at the torn bag in my hands. “But maybe he's worth it”.

Later that night, as I lay in bed, the lingerie hung on the chair by my window.

The city lights flashing on the soft gold against the fabric, and for a moment, I imagined Jeremy's hands there instead, tracing, holding, learning my body.