The Protector 2

(Névtelen)-7

“Rafe loves you, Raven, and that’s why it’s important that I tell you: I’ve never blamed him for what happened. Never. I swear. It was him getting deeper and deeper into it, and eventually nobody, not his fiends, and not even a psychiatrist could convince him of the opposite. Will was in coma for a while, and when he woke up, we knew nothing would ever be the same as before. They were good brothers. Will loved his brother, almost idolized him, but Rafe’s childhood ended the night his brother was taken to hospital in an unconscious state. It ended too soon and too cruelly. He was never the same as before. He became dour, and an introvert. And then, when my husband left us, Rafe permanently took the role of breadwinner. I never asked him to do that, but he could see how I was struggling to tend to Will, and I guess he didn’t want me to break under the pressure. He considered it his own fault what had happened, so he decided he had to be the one who takes care of us all.”

“This explains a whole lot of things,” I answer pensively.

“He’s convinced that he brings trouble to those he gets too close to. If you ask me, this is the biggest nonsense I’ve ever heard. Rafe is a great guy. He has some flaws too, who doesn’t; but all in all, he’s attentive, and…”

“Caring? Fatherly?”

“Yes,” she consents, smiling, while drying her tears with a tissue. “A good boy. I don’t know what happened between you two at the time, and I don’t want to know,” she lifts her hands with defence. “But I’m sure about one thing: he wasn’t really in love before or after you, and you should also know,” she looks at me significantly, “he’s never brought a girlfriend here. Not even Kiki,” she lifts her finger.

I can feel the significance of her words, but this mysterious Kiki is bothering me more and more. I take another sip of the cognac, now with more caution.

“This girl, this Kiki,” I start carefully, “she was Rafe’s girlfriend, right?”

“Has he told you about her?”

“He didn’t. It was someone else,” I shrug my shoulders. “But every time she is mentioned, it always smells like trouble.

“That’s right on point. We could also say mysery, complication and danger.”

“So they didn’t break up peacefully?” I ask, pulling a face. In the meantime, I remember that Rafe has never been too fortunate with the ladies. At least, when it comes to breaking up with them.

“Peaceful?” says Anne, raising her eyebrows. “A great many adjectives come to mind when describing this woman, but peaceful is definitely not one of them. Although we never met, I know for a fact that Kiki is a feast for the eyes. That exciting, stormy type. Wild and untamed. There are men who fall for this kind.” I’m certain Rafe also falls for them, and I have very little untamedness in me, I think to myself. “Hold on a sec!” Anne shouts, and rushes over to the bookshelf. She lifts off a thick photoalbum and begins to leaf through it. When she finds what she was looking for, she sits down next to me, and placing the album on my knees, she points to a picture. “Here she is, have a look. I knew there was a photo somewhere with her in it. It was taken years ago, of Rafe in front of the clubhouse, when he inaugurated a new motorbike. That’s her, behind Rafe’s back. That blondish one.”

“Wow!” I break out involuntarily.

I don’t know what else to say. The woman in the pic, in her leather pants and black top, with her tattoos, is a typical, gorgeous motorbike diva. Her hair is flying in the air as she laughs freely, knocking her head back. I feel like a dull little pigeon after studying the photograph.

“I know what’s on your mind, but you’d better foget it right now,” Anne takes the album from me. “You’re a stunningly beautiful woman, Raven, and I hope you know it too. Do you?” she looks at me sharply, and I unwillingly nod. I couldn’t have worked in modelling if I didn’t have certain qualities, but I don’t feel that I possess the kind of exciting buzz that the Kiki-type women radiate from themselves.

“I’m perfectly contented with my looks, it’s not that. But this woman in the photo,” I push a finger towards the album.

“This woman in the photo is chaos and confusion itself. I didn’t show you this to make you feel bad, but to demonstrate my point. You have no reason to feel jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” I reply, folding my arms. Then, in a few seconds, I unfold them. I must make a childish impression, as I’m trying to convince her in such a grumpy, infantile way that I’m not jealous. How ridiculous! I throw myself back on the sofa. “But it doesn’t surprise me one bit,” I say, staring at the ceiling, “that Rafe falls for girls like Kiki. He was popular at university as well. I never understood what he wanted from me. Because he could have got any of them, he only needed to snap his fingers. And I was probably too complicated for him.”

“You are not attracted to things you can get too easily. Sometimes you need a challenge. Of course, only if it’s not going too far, and I think that’s exactly what happened in her case. I assume even Rafe thought there was too much excitement with her.”

“So Rafe broke up with her?”

“He tried. Many times.”

I look to the side with horror, and straighten myself on the sofa. I remember the things Rafe was doing with me in bed, but none of it fits the category ‘boyfriend loyal while girlfriend is away’. I’m beginning to feel so scared, that my forehead breaks out in sweat.

“Are you telling me, they’re still together? Oh God.”

“No, no. You’re getting it wrong,” she calms me, patting my thigh. “Rafe broke up with her on several occasions, but Kiki wasn’t willing to come to terms with it. That’s at least what I’ve heard. My son is not very informative when it comes to his lovelife, but I do happen to know that for a long time they had some kind of an off and on relationship. Then Rafe had enough and put an end to it. But, as far as I know, every now and then, Kiki makes an appearance, and makes a move on him.”

“I see,” I groan with a little relief, but I’m still bothered by the issue a little bit. How long can Rafe resist the charms of an exciting woman like Kiki? With Anne’s observant eyes on me, I feel I might have to explain my previous outburst. Do I tell her that the possibility of Rafe having a girlfriend bothers me, because the two of us shagged the life out of each other two days ago, at the shelter house? Or should I confess that I find it unbearable to imagine Rafe with another woman? I don’t have the right for that, as I was the one breaking up with him back then, and we had a clear agreement that the s*x at the shelter house would be a one-off, without continuation. Yet, my heart is rebelling against my common sense, and wants to walk on a separate path. It’s more and more difficult to convince myself that I don’t have feelings for Rafe Harlan. And my feelings are too similar to what pushed me into his arms at university, and which no other man has been able to ignite in me. Chewing on my nails, I blink at Anne, lost.

“If you ask me, a huge rock rolled off my heart when they broke up,” she comes to my assistance. “Believe me, it’s not like I’m clinging to my adult son, scaring every girlfriend away. I swear it’s not like that. But while they were together, my life was constant fear for his safety.”

“How do you mean that?”

“Rafe tried to keep me away from his club life, but certain news did get to me. I met a woman of my age, the mother of a member, who was considerably better informed about what things were going on in the group. I also knew from her what things led to the accident.”

“Rafe had an accident?” I gulp, biting my lips until they bleed.

“He was with Kiki when they had a car accident. It was an ugly incident, but Rafe was lucky, he was released from the hospital after two days. The girl was less fortunate. According to the tests, they both had a considerable amount of alcohol in their blood, and some drug in Kiki’s case, when the accident happened. Rafe didn’t tell me the details, but I know it was linked to some kind of an illegal car racing. Kiki flew out of the car, and beside the head injury, she suffered a serious spine trauma. She almost ended up in a wheelchair. She was in hospital for weeks, but finally recovered. The police also interrogated them, but to this day, it hasn’t turned out who was driving,” she shakes her head, sadly.

“How is that possible?” I ask, shocked.

“Well, they didn’t want to say. Rafe could have been in big trouble if it had turned out that he was driving while drunk, but Kiki never confessed against him. I had the feeling, this was why it took so long for Rafe to leave her.

“Do you think the woman bribed him, that she would report him to the police if he left her?” I asked, taken aback.

Anne shrugs her shoulders.

“I know nothing for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Rafe had had enough of her for a while, but she always begged herself back somehow.”

“Well, that’s a bit tough,” I exhale, and lay back again. In the past ninety minutes I got more information about Rafe than ever since the time we met. “But, knowing Rafe and the antecendents with Will, I wouldn’t be surprised if guilt had influenced him as well. He may have felt responsible for the accident, and maybe that was the reason he stayed with her.”

I might even be hoping it was like that, and it wasn’t true love that made him stick out with Kiki.

“That also occurred to me,” Anne confirms. “With his past, this incident probably strengthened his theory that he brings danger to those who stand close to him. Even though this girl, with her self-destructive lifestyle, with or without him, is running straight to death. I take it for granted that no matter who sat beside her in the car, the accient would have happened sooner or later, anyway. Someone who’s riding for a fall will meet their destiny quite soon. Bad luck, that Rafe was with her when it happened.”

We are quiet for a while, as Anne puts the cognac back to its place. She refilled one time while we were talking, and now I can definitely feel the alcohol’s effect. My head is dizzy and my limbs are tingling, albeit in a pleasant way. After a while I speak up musingly.

“I had no idea about all this. I hope Rafe won’t mind you’ve told me.”

“I don’t think so, dear. And if he will, then just tell him it’s my fault. I wasn’t able to keep my mouth shut. I have a feeling that he’ll believe it,” she winks at me with conspiracy.

I smile back and remark to myself that Rafe is very lucky to have a mother like this. Anne Harlan is a loving, warm-hearted, modern mother, without even just a hint of bitterness or self-pity in her heart. Watching her makes me wonder what my relationship would be like with my mother if she was still alive.