The Protector 2

(Névtelen)-6

“Did he tell you why we broke up?”

“Never.”

I slowly exhale.

“It was due to a stupid misunderstanding. Rafe saw me with two men, and thought I was cheating on him. He thought I was throwing him over, when those two guys were my cousins. Jealousy completely drove him nuts.”

“Didn’t he know your cousins?”

I look at her with a pained expression and shake my head.

“It was my fault that he didn’t know anything about my family. Actually, no one around me knew that I was related to the Bertone clan in the mafia. I kept it a secret on purpose. I didn’t want to be stigmatized by it like at highschool, and I didn’t want Rafe to hold me in a different regard because of it.”

Anne scratches her forehead, and, stepping to the coffee machine, she gives herself a refill.

“You wanted to live your own life without your family’s reputation marking you. That’s understandable.”

“But I should’ve at least been honest with him. Now I know I made a mistake. And Rafe got really upset when he saw me with them, and perfectly misunderstood the situation.”

“And didn’t he question you afterwards?”

“No. He was too proud, and expected me to confess my sin to him. And I, of course, had no idea I had a sin to confess, so it all grew into a disaster.”

“What happened?”

I’m chewing on my lips with embarrassment. I don’t know how much to share of what happened. After all, I don’t want to shame Rafe in front of his own mother, and whatever happened between us in the bedroom is private, so my answer is quite sketchy.

“He ran a riot. He acted like a completely different person; he was so rude with me. He wanted to punish me, I think.” Seeing Anne’s shocked gaze, I quickly continue. “But he has never ever behaved the way he did that night. Not before, not after, not since we met again. But what happened between us then, really crossed a line with me. I left without as much as a word, breaking all contact with him.”

“Okay, I get it now,” she nods with regret. “Looking back, some things are now making sense. He seemed disillusioned, and, how can I put it? Much too bitter for his age. I suspected a love drama going on, but he was never able to discuss it with me.”

“So he didn’t complain about me?”

“No,” she waves her hand. “I simply couldn’t get any of the details out of him. He turned inward and held the pain inside.”

I get up to help clear the table and load the dishwasher. We pass the plates between us, working smoothly, as if we’ve always been doing that. As Anne speaks up again pensively, her voice is soft, almost emotional.

“Not a month passed without him sending me money or paying Will’s invoices. And it wasn’t a small fee, believe me,” she nods knowingly. “I would never have been able to find the money for such a clinic, but Rafe has been the breadwinner of the family since he was a freshman. I know he had some issues at university, and many thought him to be superficial or easy-going…”

“Oh, come on,” I grin. “People loved him. Especially the girls.”

“I don’t doubt that,” she laughs, then turns sober again. “When it comes to family or Will, he’s very serious. I don’t know anybody so conscientious at such a young age.”

“Will,” I sigh. “I saw the photos on the wall. Rafe told me about him. He loves him very much, it’s very easy to notice.”

“Did he tell you about Will? Really?” she raises her eyebrows with wonder.

“I noticed back at university that he kept a picture of him in his wallet, and that didn’t really fit into the image that was known about him at the campus. As our relationship was turning more serious, he admitted that he was only doing online poker to make enough money for Will’s treatment.”

Meanwhile, we’ve tidied the kitchen, there’s nothing else to do, but now our conversation is getting deeper. Anne locks her arm into mine and draws me towards the living room. She indicates that I sit on the sofa, while she takes her place in an armchair.

“If he indeed told you all these things, then you must have been very special to him even back then.” The phrase ‘even back then’ doesn’t escape my attention. I get goosebumps at the thought. “He has never discussed Will with anybody. He’s never really come to terms with his brother’s condition, and felt guilty from the start. I couldn’t talk him out of blaming himself.”

I look back at her with a frown.

“Guilty? For what?”

“You said just before that he had told you about Will and the accident.”

“That’s right. He told me his brother had fallen into the icy pond, and stayed under water too long,” I say, very softly. I’m not sure how Anne reacts if I mention the tragedy so directly. “And also that after the accident he was in coma, due to lack of… oxygen,” I swallow hard. My voice dies, I glue my eyes to the floor.

“And that’s all he said? Nothing more?”

Her voice has a curious edge to it, and I can’t quite place her reaction. I blink at her uncertainly.

“Should he have?”

Anne takes a deep breath, and stirs in her seat. She scratches her forehead, and seems to hesitate. I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. Although I’m dying to hear more, I still don’t think its right to get information about Rafe out of his mother, behind his back.

“Look,” I put a hand on hers. “If this is how much Rafe told me about the accident, he must have had a reason for that. Just forget it, Anne. If there’s anything else to share, then maybe he’ll tell me at some point.”

Anne gives me a doubtful look, and rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, right. When hell freezes, dear. If Rafe didn’t tell you the details, the only reason is he’s terrified that you might regard him differently afterwards. He’s afraid you might judge him, the way he judges himself. This only goes to prove how important your opinion is to him. How important you are.”

I stare back, chewing on my lips. My heart begins to beat faster, my breathing eccalarates whenever I think of him. What could be that important thing he didn’t tell me?

“Obviously, I don’t need to say that I love my son, and wish from my heart that he be happy at last. You are special to him, that much was obvious from the start. And now that I saw you together, my theory turned out to be right,” she smiles warmly. “Only a man madly in love will look at a woman with those eyes.”

I grab the arm of the sofa, and smile self-consciously. In love? Mrs Harlan is surely getting carried away. It’s quite obvious that Rafe finds me attractive and enjoys s*x with me. I often feel he’s devouring me with his eyes. But in love? For the second time?

“He looks confident from the outside, but I know my son. Rafe underestimates himself, which is why he’s scared to let those near him whom he finds the most important.”

“He did mention things like, he shouldn’t come closer to me because it can’t be good for me if I’m with him,” I mumble with puzzlement.

“That’s it. You see? That’s what I mean,” she jabs a finger towards me confidently. “And since he had that embarrassing issue with Kiki, things only got worse,” she continues.

“An embarrassing issue with Kiki?” I look at her with big eyes. This is not the first time I’ve heard this woman’s name, and I just don’t like the sound of it.

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” she gestures with excitement, as if trying to calm herself, then she looks around the living room and suddenly gets up. Stepping up to the glassy cabinet, she opens its door. She turns back triumphantly, holding a bottle of Martell VS cognac in her hand. “A sip will do us both good. I don’t like to drink on my own, so I couldn’t wish for a better occasion,” she winks at me, and I smile back faintly.

“Damn!” I say, after naively knocking back half my drink. I give Anne a regretful glance, ashamed of my rough outburst. Now that I’ve had a better look at the bottle, I see it says 40% alcohol content. No wonder it’s burning my oesophagus like fire.

“I know, I know,” Anne waves with laughter, and moving closer, she continues talking. “I want you to understand why Rafe is trying to keep a distance from you. You know,” she sighs, “he has a stupid theory about bringing harm to those he loves, and this nonsense definitely started with Will.”

“But why?” I ask with surprise.

“It was winter break at school, and we spent a few days with friends in the house of my ex husband’s workmate. The weather was freezing cold, but of course, the children didn’t care. They were playing outside all day, and wandered the neighbourhood. Rafe was fifteen, Will: twelve. Quite obviously, Rafe preferred the company of kids his own age to looking after his little brother,” she rolls her eyes. “If anyone could be blamed for what happened, then I have to say, I had more responsibility than Rafe. It was I, after all, who entrusted him with his brother, even though I knew he wasn’t fond of babysitting.”

“Every parent does that. It’s really normal.”

“That’s what I’ve always told myself,” she pulls a face. “The point is, the older boys were pushing their limits, and snatched a few beers from the fridge I later noticed that the cans were missing, but never mentioned it to him, as it had no significance to me, and it would have only multiplied his guilt if he had known that I knew. It wasn’t a big deal, nothing other boys their age wouldn’t have tried. I’m sure the older boys were happy if the younger ones weren’t sticking to them all the time, so they allowed them to pull out on the pond on their own.. Our sons were both excellent swimmers,” she looks at me painfully. “We had been on a holiday there before, this wasn’t the first time they took the boat out. They knew the place, and yet… They wanted to dock at a little pier, and as Will stepped out of the boat, he slipped and fell into the water. He hit his head into the moorings and submerged. The kids tried to pull him out, but didn’t succeed. They were shouting to the older ones on the shore, but it took them time to get there. Rafe pulled his brother out of the water,” she says with a dying voice, and at this point I can’t hold my tears back either. “The water was ice cold, and he was shivering, his temperature was dangerously low as he carried Will’s body out of the water in his arms. He did all he could. It wasn’t his fault. It was also thanks to him that Will survived at all.”

“My God, Anne,” I sniff, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Rafe has never told me this in so much detail. He didn’t even tell me that he was the one pulling Will out. It’s dreadful. Now I see why he’s never been able to get over this.”

“He has blamed himself from the start, even though it was much more my, and my husband’s fault. He was almost just a child.”

“But this is so upsetting.”

Anne turns to me with her whole body, and looking me in the eyes, she continues with seriousness.