Behind Her Smile

06

"Goodmorning sunshine! How's my little pumpkin?"

It was doctora Martinez, my personal doctor that also happened as my auntie on the father side. She was the one that i can feel the love of a lovin' mother.

"This little pumpkin here is okay tita-doc..." tita doc is my nickname for my aunt. Minsan, tita mama ang tawag ko sa kanya. "...but she feel sad"

"Oh my poor baby, tita-doc is comming. I'm giving youuuu the tightest huuuuug!" She shouted in glee as she run towards me.

Tinanggap ko yung yakap n'ya. At literal na tight hug, dahil sobrang higpit nga no'n.

"Magiging okay din ang lahat, hindi ko man alam ang nararamdaman mo, lagi mong tatandaan andito lang si tita para suportahan ka sa lahat ng gagawin mo." bulong n'ya na kasabay no'n ang hindi ko namamalayang pagbagsak ng mumunting butil ng luha sa'king mga mata.

I closed my eyes to feel more of her hug. It feels like nahanap ko na yung comfort na matagal ko ng hinahanap, at palagi kong ninanais na sana nasa piling ko kapag kailangan ko ng masasandalan.

I badly need a freakin' hug of my mama.

After a long silence, bumitaw na s'ya sa yakap. Pinakatitigan n'ya ako ng pagkatagal tagal na parang binabasa n'ya ang emosyon sa mukha ko.

"Rest na baby, kailangan mo yon. Para makauwi ka na mamaya" sabi nya, then she kissed my forehead. "I'll be right back" dagdag pa n'ya.

Ngumiti nalang ako as asurance na ayos na. Then i nod my head nung paalis na s'ya as a sign of goodbye for the meantime.

Humiga ako sa bed then i stared at the white ceiling of this room. I sighed, as i remember what the hell happened before i sent here.

It was 1 o'clock in the morning nung biglang nagising ako. My body felt weird. Pinakiramdaman ko yung sarili ko habang pababa ng hagdan, then nung nasa kalagitnaan na ako, probably nasa 6th step before i reach the floor; i feel like my world is spinning like hell. I feel that i can't freakin' catch my own breath. It looks like i'm lacked in oxygen. My body was not moving, i want to move my arms para humawak sa staircase pero i can't. My feet was also the same,i can't move them like i was fùckin' suffering in heatstroke.

Before i catch somebody's attention, i don't feel anything. The only thing that i know is i'm falling on the floor. Then minutes later, darkness filled my sight.

I sighed heavily again for the third time. Hindi ko alam kung paano 'to sasabihin sa kanila. O kung dapat ko nga bang sabihin?

Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako napunta rito. Pag gising ko later this morning, nandito na ako. Mag isa sa kwarto at particullarly ay walang kasama.

Hindi na rin ako nageexpect na mayroong bibisita sa'kin dito. Mas malabo pa sa relasyon n'yo yon.

"PWEDE ka nang makauwi pumpkin, pero hintay ka muna ng medyo saglit. Parating na si Sassi, ihahatid ka na raw n'ya" tita doc said. Ate Sassi is my cousin, anak s'ya ni titadoc, basically panganay niya si Ate Sassi. And her real name is Saoirse. Hindi ko alam kung paani naging Sassi, pero she has a sassy and savage attitude so i think, that's why.

I gave her a smile and a simple nod before i close my eyes again. Nakaupo nalang ako sa sofa na nandito sa room while waiting. I also changed my outfit kanina. From a simple white tshirt and a jogging pants, to a pink off shoulder blouse and a black denim jeans. Wondering where the hell i get my outfit? Well, kumuha raw si tita doc sa bahay kanina. I asked her if alam ba ni mama, then she said no. I was relieved.

After a few minutes or so, someone knocked at the door. I open my eyes, si ate Sissa na ata 'to. Then i was right. Ate Sissa is smiling playfully, looking at me.

"Ano na namang kalokohan ang ginawa mo?" I asked her.

"Hey, so judgemental ha" she said then rolled her eyes.

Nagdududa akong tumingin sa kanya. I don't really trust the smile she has. It was like, may nakasulat doon na "hey you, yes yuff i made a trouble again." Actually, lahat kami nagdududa na nababahala sa smile n'ya na ganon.

Pinanlakihan n'ya ako ng mata nung makita yung mga nagdududa kong tingin.

"I'll drive you home na nga. Nakakainsulto yang mga tingin mo." She said then rolled her eyes again.

I can't help but to laugh. Her eyes looks like perfect circle with 360 degrees and it keeps rotating every minute.

"Pft" pagpipigil ko ng tawa. I even covered my mouth para hindi n'ya mapansin. Baka mapikon s'ya, mahirap na.

Sabay kaming lumabas doon sa room. Then nagdecide kami pareho na pupuntahan muna namin si tita Maura before kaming uuwi. Tita doc name is Maura.

She knocked three times on the door of her mom's office. Walang sumasagot, so we think na nagrounds s'ya. Kaya we just sent her a text message saying that we're heading home.

"Solenn, tara muna sa mall." She said nung medyo nakatagal tagal na kami sa byahe.

"Anong gagawin natin doon?" I ask, medyo naguguluhan.

"Magiikot? Mamimili? Kakain, ewan ko. Ayo'ko pang umuwi e." Kibit balikat n'yang sagot.

"Baka nakakalimutan mong may pasok sana ako? Ang excuse ni tita, 'e naospital ako." I said like i was asking her. "Baka may makakita sa'tin" dagdag ko pa.

"Oh edi sa malayong mall tayo pupunta" she said like it was nothing.

Napasapo nalang ako sa ulo, paniguradong lagot na naman kami pareho pag uwi mamaya. Knowing tita Maura, mabait 'yon pero masamang galitin.

"Hoy siraulo ka, anong pinaplano mo?" I was accusing na.

"Ang kapal naman ng feys mo, kapag ako may masamang balak kaagad?" She said then gave me a deadpan look. "Tsaka ako bahala kay mama, hindi 'yon magagalit" dagdag n'ya pa na parang naninigurado.

Todo tanggi pa rin ako, pero ang ulo ata neto ay kasin'tigas ng bato. O mas matigas pa sa bato. She was freakin' annoying me. Paulit ulit yung sinasabi n'ya, which is kinukulit pa rin ako about sa gala na pinaplano n'ya on the spot.

I just sighed in defeat nung nakita ko kung nasaan kami. I keep on saying no, pero hindi s'ya nakinig sa akin. And now, nandito kami sa tapat ng Mall na halos dalawang oras ang layo mula sa lugar namin.

Dalawang oras kapag kukupad kupad ang nagmamaneho, pero dahil feeling racer 'tong kasama ko; inabot lang kami ng halos 30 minutes. Mabuti na lang at walang masyadong enforcer na nakakalat sa kalsada.

Hindi ko manlang namalayan na palayo na pala kami.

Bumaba kami ng kotse nung nakapagpark na s'ya. Yep, sumama ako hanggang parking-an kasi baka magkanda ligaw ligaw na naman ako kapag nahiwalay sa kanya, like the last time.

Naalala ko pa rin yung time na nagkandaligaw ligaw ako, i even ride a freakin' bus pauwi sa'min. Kasi baka hinahanap na nila ako at nagpapanic na yung kasama ko. Tapos malalaman ko na nandon lang s'ya sa loob ng milktea shop, enjoying her fùckin' milktea and laughing like there's no tomorrow.

Pagpasok ng mall, hinila n'ya kaagad yung kamay ko. Sinakto pa na doon sa tinurukan ng karayom. Sinamaan ko s'ya ng tingin, as in masamang masama. Yung parang mabubutas yung kaluluwa n'ya sa mga tingin ko.

"Oops, sorry" she playfully said. She didn't even look sorry. So i just rolled my eyes and let her drag me on somewhere that i don't have any clue.

We are enjoying our self as the time passed by. No, she was the only one who's enjoying her self. I'm tired as fùck na.

Imagine; it was now five o'clock in the afternoon then nagpunta kami rito ng mag e11 AM. At naikot na namin ang buong mall. Nakailang balik na din kami sa kotse para ilagay yung mga shopping bags tapos bibili ulit s'ya ng napakadami.

Napasapo nalang ako sa noo at mariing napapikit. Palabas na kami ng mall, at nagdarasal ako na sana last na 'to. Hindi na talaga ako sasama dito sa susunod.

Nakatungo akong naglalakad dahil sa sobrang pagod. Hindi ko na tinitignan ang dinadaanan ko. Pagabi na rin naman, wala ng masyadong tao. I sighed heavily.

No'ng malapit na kami sa exit ng mall, i didn't know kung paano nangyari pero biglang i bumped into something.

Sa sobrang lutang ko, nagsorry ako then medyo nagbow pa as i appoligize. Pero medyo tarantado 'tong kasama ko, bigla ba namang humagalpak ng tawa. Like as in malakas, sobrang lakas.

Doon ko lang narealize na sa glasswall pala sa tabi ng exit ako nabunggo. Umiling nalang ako saka tumungo sa sobrang kahihiyan. Nakita ko pa na pati yung dalawang guard sa gilid, 'e natatawa rin.

Ok Alex, nakakahiya 'yon. I whisppered as i count on my head. Then i run as fast as i could. Halos magkanda-dapa dapa na ako sa lintek na pagtakbo.

I sighed again.