The Rugby Player's Wife

Chapter 19

It has been a week since my brother's funeral, I was back at university again, but I felt like a zombie sitting on my bed most of the time missing class and not even caring, I felt lost and incomplete. It felt like my world came to a standstill, time was moving even people, but it felt like I was frozen.

Why did I even have to breathe, he was my only brother, why did he have to be taken, I don't like this feeling of being the only child. I needed and wanted him by my side. It felt like all my tears were dried up and I couldn't even cry anymore. Why do I feel like this it hurts like hell, that's why I don't want a heart at all.

Life felt so unfair, I know that my parents blamed themselves for it, they felt that they should have never let him go out they should have kept him at home and kept him close to them.

I couldn't concentrate anymore, my life had no meaning at all. This wasn't the way I wanted to feel at all I wanted to get up from this bed and just live my life happily not worrying about anything, I wanted my family to be complete again not to have this empty hole in it.

A knock on the door disturbed my thoughts, and I wiped away some of the tears that fell on my cheeks, I thought I had no more tears left, but I was wrong. I opened the door, and there he stood the one person that still mattered to me.

I showed him in, but he just grabbed my lifeless body and pressed me close to his chest, holding me, just holding me no words were spoken between us. I wrapped my arms around him and just held onto him as I didn't want him to go. I was scared if I did, he would leave to and then I would have nothing left.

"How are you feeling today Dawn?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I don't know how to feel when I smile I feel guilty when I am sad it feels like people just want me to be happy. I don't know how I should feel at all."

"Don't worry about what other people want you to feel, feel the way you want to feel. If you want to be sad, then be sad, if you want to be happy then be happy. Screw what the people think about you." Fresh tears were forming in my eyes, and I turned my back on him I didn't want him to see me at my weakest.

"I feel empty it feels like a piece of my heart has been ripped from my chest. It feels like I am never going to heal from this pain. It feels like it is getting worse by the minute, every breath I take it feels like my heart is breaking a little bit more. I wish someone understood my pain, but it feels like I am pushing everyone away from me. I don't want to let them inside because I don't want them to see my scars."

"You got to let them in so they can see the scars. The people that you are pushing away are the people that care about you the most. You just got to be willing to let them in."

"Why do they even care? Why do you even care? I am just a nothing put on this earth to try and make people happy, but I have failed since the day I was born. I am just a negative person that doesn't see anything good in this world. Why do I even keep on trying? The only person that cares about me is you, Madison and some of my family so I have no purpose of being on this earth. So you tell me why do I need to keep on breathing?"

"You give meaning to my crazy life. I would feel lost without you, babe. You make me the person I want to be. I am nothing without you. To tell you the truth Dawn I am in love with you no screw that I love you." I turned around almost immediately I knew he could see the anger boiling up in me.

"I told you not to fall in love with me."

"But I did, can you blame me? You're perfect to me Dawn I don't want to like someone else. I just want to love you for the rest of my life."

"Stop saying that. Stop saying that you love me. Stop pretending that you care about me."

"I do care for you more than you can ever imagine. I want to tell the whole world that I love you and only you."

"Stop it. I don't....you know what just leave. We are wrong, this is wrong. Now go."

He walked closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, but I pushed him away, I didn't need this in my life right now I needed to be alone I deserved to be alone.

Why, when I finally found happiness, something had to happen to ruin it.