To Hel

Rayna

I take a deep breath and load the last of the bags into the car. Gosh darn it. Was this really all we had left from the estate sale? Everything we owned fit into my small Volkswagen Jetta. Shaking my head, I make sure we have everything. I had snacks, a portable DVD player (to keep the kids from fighting…yea right), and leashes for the dogs in a basket on the front seat floorboard, along with a cooler for drinks. How has my life come to this? How am I supposed to take care of the kids by myself? Shaking my head, the tears threatened to fall once more. Taking a deep breath, I dashed away the single tear that fell before the kids could come out of the house.

“Mommy, I'm ready,” Kyra hollered, running down the walkway to the car. How that kid still smiles is beyond me. (That girl is a light on my darkest days)

“Well, slow down before you trip and fall!”

Of course, the moment the words left my mouth, Bandit raced out of the house and crashed full speed into Kyra's legs. Pitching her forward, face-first into the grass. All I could do was chuckle.

Walking over, “Come on kid,” bending over to help her up,

“We have a long drive ahead of us. Where is your brother?” talking my hand, Kyra pulls herself up.

“He said he’s saying bye to the house.” she scowled at the door.

Kyra was happy to leave no matter where we went. This wasn't a home anymore. Shaking my head, I turn and throw my Naruto purse on the driver's side through the open passenger window with a huff. I will find a safe place for it, hopefully out of the way. (I wouldn't get so lucky.)

“Yo, get a move on it, daylights burning. Long way to go kid. Bandit in the car!”

I’m so glad that the dog listens, I didn't want to have to chase her down. With Bandit and Ren in the back seat, D comes out of the house crying. The poor kid was lost and hurting. I only hoped that this move was what was best for him.

“Front or back?” I asked him, making a funny face in hope of a smile. (Nope, didn't work, maybe next time)

“I’ll take them back. I want to lie down.” He sighs.

“Sure thing, buddy. Kyra up front”

Deep breath in, hold, release. We had this. I had to slowly make my way back around to the driver's side. This wasn't gonna be fun for me. Buck up buttercup, you got this he hehe. Through the windshield I see Kyra belly flop over the console and wiggle over the seat to fling the door open for me.

“Gottcha momma,” she hollered, doing some weird roll maneuver, which involved her feet in the air and her head tucked, spinning like at top, and tipping over into the passenger side of the car. All limbs and no coordination, she landed with her head in the bag of snacks and her feet still in the driver's seat. My shoulders start to shake, then a loud snort blasts out of me as I gasp for air. Holding my arms around my middle, I laugh. The ugly kind, with tears and snot. (yay me). When I could finally breathe again, (How long was I laughing for? How long has it been? This is nice, I needed that.) I shuffled over and gently lowered my broken body into the car. I hiss and gasp through the pain. My body was wrapped head to toe in bandages. The doctor said I was stable enough to go home. (Ha, home, I didn't have one of those anymore, HE saw to that.) Well, if I was good enough to go home I would be good enough to finally leave this miserable place behind. Not sure where our final destination is, but we had a direction in mind. We are “HEADED OUT WEST” (hehe). Well, that's not quite right. First we had to head north. I want to travel Highway 2 as far as feels right. Mountains and forest here we come. At least I was excited about something, everything else was too scary to think about.

It had only been a few hours, but I needed to pull over. I was exhausted and ready for a nap. Good thing my first stop was close. I had booked a cabin on the mountain in Ironwood for a couple of days. Enough time to recover a little more before the next leg of our journey. I drove up the circle driveway to a cute little log cabin, surrounded by a forest. You could see the lake shining through the trees as the sun sent sparkles across the water. There was a well-worn trail through the trees, leading to a dock, where there was a small boat tied.

It was a beautiful place just where we needed to rest and recuperate. We grabbed our overnight bags and herded the dogs inside. It was just as calming inside, as it was on the outside. A quaint two-bedroom cabin, with a bathroom and a main room with everything else. Everything here is handmade, carved, and polished. Whoever built this place took pride in it. The painstaking work it must have taken to create.

“Can I go swimming momma?” Kyra asked, hand clasped at her waist, bouncing on her toes.

A huge yawn cracks my jaw. I still had to call the lawyers today, and I wasn't looking forward to that. I definitely don’t want to make that call with the kids around. I walk into the little bedroom with bunk beds, and smile.

“Just give us some time to settle in, then, yes, we will head down to the lake. We have to figure out where we are sleeping. Who wants the top bunk?”

Silence answers me and hangs in the air behind me. I turn quickly around to find both kids passed out on the dark green couch. (Whoo) Kyra's head is on DJ's shoulder and his head on hers. I grabbed my phone and took a picture. (Ha! At least they get along while asleep.)

I sighed. Well, maybe I could take a nap too, or maybe I should make that call while the kids sleep. Bandit and Ren start barking outside. I went to bring them in, but as I opened the door, a big truck rumbled up the circle drive. I froze, my limbs locking, and a tremor worked its way through my body. My breath saws in and out, my vision pinpoints, slowly going dark.

How? Oh my god, how? My mind raced, Why is someone here? I have to grab the kids and run….. I have to protect them, but I am frozen. My feet wouldn’t move. Then I was somewhere else….

Pain…that's all I felt. Searing, bone deep pain. A scream ripped out of me, piercing, echoing off the concrete walls around me. I held it as long as I could, the sick bastard loved hearing me scream. I can feel His hand inside me, scrapping away at my bones. I scream and scream, not moving a muscle that would just make it worse, till my voice is gone and only a soft squeak remains. A chuckle sounded next to my head. I try to move, to look at Him. “My, you have such a sweet voice. You shouldn’t have made me wait for your song, little bird.” My body trembled. Who is this man and why me… Another sharp pain, this time across my face. “Now, Now, better hold still. We don't want to mess up that pretty face.” Mess up my face? Isn’t that what he is doing? Carving lines into my cheeks forming some sort of design. I couldn’t tell what he was “drawing” on my face with a knife. No, not a knife, something sharper, more precise. Another would be scream…..more pain .... I tried to pull away, jerking my head…or at least trying to. I was secured to a bench? Table? Why did it matter? “Tut, Tut, little bird, now look at what you made me do.” Digging his finger at the cut he just made. Sighing like I had made a mess, he turned away from me to something behind him. Too fast for me to follow, something sank into my neck. Twin pin pricks, right below my ear. The pain increased tenfold, but, but I couldn't move. Not a finger, not an inch…… But I could still feel everything……

I screamed, eyes unseeing, frozen in the past. A voice, a whisper, something, I could hear it, pulling my mind to the present. A soft hand on mine, a light brush of lips across my forehead.

“Mommy….Mommy. We’re here, we got you. Breath with me… come on, breathe with me.”

I gulp for air, clarity, I’m not there, I’m safe. We are safe. Breath out. I opened my eyes to meet the aqua blue in my daughter's eyes. When had she grown up so much? When did she become my rock? Looking left, DJ is there holding my hand, squeezing gently, thumb rubbing circles across the bandages.

A car door closing catches my attention. My breath saws in and out.

“Mommy, it's OK. This man will never hurt you. We are safe.”

My breathing slows as I focus on the man next to the blacked out Silverado. Not him, he’s in jail. It’s not him. My knees buckle, and vision fades as I tumble towards the ground. Gentle arms wrap around me before I hit the ground. My body jerks from the contact, and I hiss as my stitches pull. A silent prayer… (Protect my kids please.) Then the world goes black.

When my eyes flutter open, my heart slips a beat. Where am I? Looking left, I see the green couch the kids were sleeping on earlier, but no kids. I struggle to sit up (Where are they? I started to panic, there was someone here! Oh God, no!), so instead I roll, much too easily, what? Looking at my arms, the bandages were gone. I growl at my wounds. Well, that explains how I could move without much resistance. Kyra must have taken them off while I was passed out. A good thing too is that I hate having to change them. No matter the cream, the bandages are always stuck to my burns at the end of the day. Slowly I sat up, scooting to the edge of the bed. My hand shakes as I stand. A whisper around my legs had me looking, well, at least I was DRESSED! (insert chuckle…get it cuz I’m in a dress). Isn’t she sweet? Stealing myself, I straightened my spine, and walked to the door (we all have a path to walk, how we choose to walk it falls upon us), grabbing the thin long sleeve hoodie dj left on the couch to hide my marks. I was ashamed (no, not today, I won’t let HIM break me completely. I know I’m cracked, but cracks can be mended, filled, reforged to be made stronger, tougher than before. I will not just walk my path, but stride forward with purpose).