Journey Of Seeking Oneself

Everything starts in consciousness. Before you knew it, viola, you are alive, kicking, and surviving. For Easha Estrella, she didn't know when, she didn't know how, she just suddenly noticed, oh, I'm alive. Suddenly she learned about grass, she learned about trees, she sees animals, she recognizes a sound, her eyes lit up in seeing arts, she appreciates beauty, everything was beautiful. She learned about emotions, happiness, excitement, contentment. But that wasn't all. She saw the ugly side as well, cunning, liar, opportunists, thieves, she was all. She felt pain, she felt betrayal, she felt hurt. She grew up. When she was small, she couldn't wait to grow up. She promised herself that she'll be changing once she reaches adulthood. It was disappointing. It never happened. Now that she's grown up, she learned it wasn't that easy. That it all starts in an individual's habit, attitude. It wasn't based on promises, on spoken words, completely different. She never truly grew up. That's her biggest realization, and she could only wish she never grew up, she should've stayed as a child, clueless, free from pain, free from suffering, free from the world has to give. But it'll never be like that. →→✧✧←← Another day, another boring day. I guess it'll never be boring if I have my friends. I don't understand why I have to wake up so early for class. I didn't have to cook, I only needed to take a bath, brush my teeth, wash my hair and body, get dressed into my school uniform, comb my hair, then eat the warm food prepared by my beloved mother early in the morning. That's my only job. After eating, I'll put on my shoes, grab my bag, say goodbye to my mother and have my uncle send me to school along with my older siblings. By this time, I am already aware of how privileged I am. I have a mother who takes care of me, preparing my food and such, meanwhile, my friend had to wake up much earlier than I do to prepare their own food before going to the bath and prepare themselves for school. No one to drive them to school. It was a mistake. It wasn't pitiful, no, it was discipline for their future. One thing that differs between me and that friend of mine. While I'm dependent on my mother, she's already independent. Who could I blame? My mother who also lived for the time just like me, or the clueless me who took my mother for granted? If I were to take a guess, I'd blame me, for not realizing sooner. School was always the same, one hour and thirty minutes every subject, always hoping I won't get chosen for oral recitation each day, fifteen minutes break each classes done. One hour lunch break. Then back to classes afterwards, ending at five in the afternoon. The after school routine was always different, though exchanging between the two. It's either I go to my mother's work, as for some snacks as she's working in a bakery, and we'll go home together in the evening. Or, I'll go home straight, eat snacks with my leftover money, and play with friends. Sometimes, when I do go home, I'll just stay at home as my friends are sometimes not available to play due to the responsibilities they had at such a young age as me, whose worries should only just be about academics. But no, they had responsibilities like they're adults themselves when we basically just turned teen and not adult yet. It was strange. Discipline they say, for the future they say.