He was not a part of me

Evan couldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it. His best friend in whole wide world was gone. He left him, like that. Like his dad did so long ago. Not a second thought. How could he do this to him? How could Connor be so selfish? How could he go off and leave Evan all alone in this scary messed up world? They were happy.... what happened? Evan held his best friend's suicide note just staring at it. He read it over and over and over again until he was startled out of his trance by someone clearing their throat. "We didn't know Connor had a friend. We didn't think Connor had any friends." Evan looked over at Connor's dad, "No. He didn't write this. This wasn't him." "I know it can be hard to take in but....." "NO! HE DIDN'T WRITE THIS! He didn't write it! I did." "I know it's hard to belie-...." "NO!", Evan yelled with his eyes fixed to the floor, the letter starting to visible shaking in his hand, "No." "Larry. What is he taking about?", Cynthia cried Evan's chest tightened. Tears began to stream from his eyes as he gasped for breath. His whole body began to shake & rock uncontrolably as Larry & Cynthia watched in horror. He was having a panick attack. Cynthia ran from the room & quickly returned with the office secretary. Once she saw what was happening she left to call Evan's mother. ____________ Evan was starting to clam down by the time his mother came into the room. Heidi quickly knelt in front of Evan. "Evan. Evan. Its ok, Mom's here. Evan can you hear me? You're going to be ok. Evan can you look at me please." Evan slowly looked up to meet his mother's gaze. He had stopped rocking and the tightness in his chest had started to loosen. "Evan, is it ok to touch you?", Heidi asked. Evan quickly nodded & Heidi rested her hand on his knee, just below where Evan had rested his hand. Heidi began to hum lightly to calm him down. After a few minutes Heidi asked, "Are you ok now? You think you're going to be ok now?" Evan nodded his head and Heidi stood up, "Ok. I need to get back to work then. Call me if you need anything honey." She then left, not even realizing that they had had an audience. Once Heidi left Larry spoke up, catching Evan's attention. "So what do you mean you wrote Connor's suicide note?" Evan shifted in his seat for a moment to think of something. What could he say. What could he use...... His self help letters. He could pretend that the note was one of those. If Connor chose to forget about him then he would forget about Connor. "I-I have these letters that I-that I have to write for therapy, 'Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why.' He-he stole it from me Monday." "He did?" "He-He did.", Evan confirmed "Oh.", Larry looked down, embrassed and saddened by the situation. "I'm sorry I have to go.", Evan said as he picked up his bag and hightailed it out of the office. Cynthia began to cry as Larry looked up in time to see Connor's suici-Evan's self-help letter on the ground. "Wait! Do you want your letter back?", Larry said as he picked up the letter, but Evan kept walking almost running out of the office. Larry sat back down on the small love seat & looked at the letter, saddened to know that their one last word from his son was a lie. It wasn't him, it was another sad kid's self-help letter. ____________ When Larry & Cynthia left the office they left the letter for Evan to pick it up later. They then went home to try and find any real last sign of their son in his room.