PLEASE DON'T HIT ME

I was only four after I realized my dad wasnt just beating my mum,he also bodyshamed her,was it me crying and beging daddy to stop beating my mummy with that belt or the food he poured away just because mummy tried to have a conversation about when I would begin school. Christiana! yes daddy! I ran to respond to daddy call,scared and anxious at the same time my mind kept questioning why is he calling me? God please save me as I reach there he looked up and told me christiana you would be starting school tomorrow I was so exicited and sad because I know going to school would only increase my mum pain I sat crying when my mum came in rushing towards me asking what is wrong christiana? I looked at her swallon face and said daddy said I would start school tomorrow mummy hugged me laughing but I could see tears come down her face out of love and so much affection christiana she said slowly and gently you are starting school tomorrow and you should be exicited clean up does tears immediately and let me prepare you for school. I was just 9 years old when I started school and I was in primary 1,the school was very very cheap and dirty but my mum said this is what your dad can afford,please learn and make mummy proud we got to the gate,the security refuse my mum from entering,I was so exicited,I hugged mummy and bid her farewell. halfway to my classroom I saw some girl who were excitedly chatting,they come up to me hey what your class? they ask primary 1 I replied excited I got a new friend wait you mean primary 1? one of them asked yes I said innocently again how old are you? a girl I was taller than asked 9 year I replied smiling 9 years and you are in primary 1 they all laughed as they called me different name abaya (old for nothing) I could hear them as they left. hmmmm! I left there imagining what life here would look like Halfway to my classroom, I saw some girls who were excitedly chatting. They came up to me, smiling and looking curious. “Are you the new girl?” one of them asked, her eyes scanning me from my hair to my shoes. “Yes,” I said quietly. “What’s your name?” another one chipped in quickly. “Christiana,” I replied, still holding my small bag close to my chest. They nodded. “Come, we will show you where Primary One is,” the tallest girl said. I followed them quietly, my heart beating fast. The school compound was noisy, children running everywhere, dust rising in the air. The smell of chalk from the classrooms mixed with the smell of hot akara and puff-puff from the small woman selling by the gate. When we got to my class, the teacher looked up from the blackboard. “Who is this?” she asked the girls. “She is new,” they answered. The teacher’s face softened just a little. “Come here, stand in front of the class.” I walked slowly to the front, feeling all the eyes on me. “This is your new classmate. Her name is Christiana,” the teacher announced. “All of you should make her feel welcome.” Some children smiled, others just stared. I was told to sit at the bench close to the window. The bench was rough and shaky, but I sat down quietly, keeping my eyes on the blackboard. The lesson started, but my mind was still with mummy. I was wondering if daddy was home, if he was shouting at her again, if she was safe. My stomach felt tight, but I kept nodding as the teacher spoke. When break time came, I brought out the nylon mummy had given me in the morning. Inside was two slices of bread with groundnut paste. I remembered the way she wrapped it carefully, telling me to eat well so I could learn. The same girls came to me. “What did you bring?” one of them asked. I opened the nylon for them to see. “Give us some,” the smallest one said. I broke one slice into two and gave it to them. They took it without saying thank you and walked away, still talking to themselves. I ate the remaining slice slowly, looking out of the window. When school closed, I walked to the gate and saw mummy waiting. She waved and smiled, her face looking tired but full of love. “How was school?” she asked. “Fine, mummy. I learnt A, B, C,” I said, smiling back. She squeezed my hand, and we walked home together, the evening sun hot on our backs. I didn’t tell her about the girls, or how the teacher made me stand in front of everyone, or how I felt small. I didn’t want to add to her pain. That night, we ate garri with groundnut. Daddy came in while we were eating. His eyes went to my uniform. “This is the rubbish you wore to school?” he asked, his voice sharp. Mummy tried to explain, but before she could finish, he started complaining loudly, saying she wanted to disgrace him. I wanted to speak for mummy, but one look from her told me to stay quiet. Later, as I lay on the mat, I heard him shouting in the parlour. Then the sound of the belt came. I covered my ears, but the sound still came through. My tears fell silently as I wished I could stop it. The next morning, mummy still woke me early, smiling through her swollen face, telling me to do well in school you hear?