THE MOON OF MARS

YOU SHOULD KNOW ME BEFORE LISTENING TO MY STORY . My name is Moeko Kaye Atsumi Abe. I’m sixteen, born February 10th, 1990, in Flagstaff, Arizona, but raised in Belleville, Michigan. It was November 30th, 2007, when I found out I was pregnant for the second time. It was a Friday, and I was sitting on the toilet seat at my best friend’s house staring at a positive strip. Tears were raining down my cheeks. I was so angry; I punched a hole in her wall. I didn’t mean to, but it was either the wall or my stomach. I know exactly when I got pregnant, too. Friday, October 12th, right after a crushing defeat for the Trojan’s Homecoming Game. My boyfriend, Vehren Voegeli, is an offensive linebacker who is a beast at football. There isn’t a game to lose with him. He is effeminate, but don’t you dare try to cross or outrun him while he’s in game mode. He lacks empathy, so no tears will be shed on your wounded body. That night, he had to s**t; a really backed up case of diarrhea that left him immobile during the last quarter. He held it from the first. During the third, he pulled me to the side of the benchers and cried on my shoulder from the pain. My poor baby struggled with being missing during a tie, but he had to go. Vehren was only gone for nine minutes, but that was long enough for the replacement to fumble the game. No one was mad at Vehren as they were at Leonardo Green. Coach Hopkins wanted to put Merkury Verlander, another beast linebacker, in his place, though he was stuck in defense. The Cardinals of York High had a reputation for their offensive tactics. They must serve only protein for breakfast. He needed a good player to defend the receiver and runner back, Aidan Church, for when the quarterback, De’Markus Shaefer, passes the ball, and he didn’t trust his special team. Coach took a risk putting ‘Leafy’ in place of Vehren during the last quarter, believing he was the best bet. Gabriel was wrong. Leafy fumbled in the last minute, just as the offense stole and achieved a touchdown. Just as Vehren returned from the bathroom. The Trojans lost 23-29, a win so close Vehren fell into a depression. I was just being the supportive girlfriend when he popped the question, “Can we have s*x, please? I just want to feel better about myself. Can you do that , MK?” ‘MK’ is an abbreviation of my name only Vehren calls me. I said, “Okay. I want you to feel better.” Vehren got really quiet, just staring with those gem-like irises. They’re light brown with a lighter blue ring wrapped around. Like the sun meeting the sky on a partially cloudy day. I say that because there’s a vacancy in his look. For a long time, I couldn’t read that pretty face, unless he was annoyed or angry. Otherwise, I only saw avolition to emotions. Until he smiled, this one genuine, spreading from cheek-to-cheek. A glimmer twinkles in his sunrise-eyes. “Seriously?” His voice rose. “Yeah, baby.” We were already secluded in his bedroom. He didn’t take long to spring into action. Vehren knows passion instinctively. s*x with ex-boyfriends were never as electrifying as with him. Sparks flew when we came at the same time. When he came inside. The awkwardness was faster than Vehren’s eagerness to start. An hour later, we were deep into a heavy argument. I first got to know Vehren in the eighth grade. It was second hour English, taught by a big gremlin named Mrs. Lange. I was new to Ypsi District, and he could tell. He tried mocking me for wearing a red scarf in sixty-degree weather. There was heat in Ypsi Middle, but my body likes it hot. I told him to f**k off. He made the same look then as well. Same smile, same sparkle in his eyes. It was the first time I saw it: the intrigue. “Sorry,” he said, “I was just teasing, MK.” First time he used that nickname, first time I ever heard it used. Usually, people would call me ‘Moe’, ‘Moka’, or just “Mocha”, the coffee—for people who couldn’t pronounce or spell my name. The next person to call me that was his cousin and famous runner back, Aidan Church. We were put together for a Shakespeare project in English. Mrs. Lange loved putting her smartest students together, and we had both just made honor roll and passed her semester with straight A’s. When he called me ‘MK’, I confronted him. “Why did you call me ‘MK’? No one ever calls me that.” “Vehren does.” He speaks. His brown eyes is a shade lighter than Vehren’s. They read a passage from Romeo and Juliet. “Why does he do that?” He mumbles, “Because he likes you.” Aidan’s head jumps up. “s**t!” He looked at me. “You didn’t hear that.” “I did.” I totally did, and it made my pale face blush visibly. “Does he really?” “Please don’t say anything. He will kill me.” “I won’t.” I pinched my shoulders. “I thought he hated me. He’s pretty mean.” “Vehren doesn’t know how to love. Give him a chance, he’ll learn eventually.” Aidan’s stare intensifies. “Don’t say anything, Moeko.” “I wo—” “Seriously. He’ll kill me.” “I won’t say anything.” I smiled hard. “He’s your cousin. He won’t kill you.” Aidan’s face remains stone. “Yes he will. He’s not normal.” I blink. “Alright, Aidan. I won’t say anything. I promise.” And I said nothing ever, and never will. Unlike Aidan, I can keep secrets. I’ve known Vehren’s deepest secrets that even his cousin doesn’t know. I thought I was teasing a bad boy, but he’s not a bad boy. He’s a diagnosed sociopath. I love him anyway, even with the devil inside his soul. It’s not his fault, it was mine to say, “Okay.” I’m no angel either. I live in Belleville Township but go fifteen minutes to school in another district because they expelled me from Belleville High, which is walking distance away from my house. It was a whole ordeal that involved s*x, bullies, and cops, leading to my parents’ distrust in me. I have to graduate valedictorian to win their comfort and go to law or medical school to gain their respect. Instead, I got pregnant at sixteen by the guy they warned me not to be around. I don’t believe in Romeo and Juliet. I wouldn’t die for Vehren, nor would I kill myself if I lost him. His feelings are mutual. We bond over the topic of death. My mom is a horror artist, so she has always exposed me to the negative aspects of life. Murder, demons, sickness internally and out. I tried to commit suicide when I was thirteen. That’s why I yelled at him for threatening to kill himself because he came inside me. I shouldn’t have done that. He doesn’t like when people yell at him, especially women. I went far, but Vehren went further. He broke up with me. No tears or even anger. Vehren was calm when he said, “You know what? I want to experiment for a while. If I can’t hit you, don’t piss me off.” I was at a loss for words. I said, “That sounds abusive, Vehren.” Vehren broke his relaxed mask. “I’m not f*****g abusive!” He said, red peeking through his tan cheeks, darkness glossing over his eyes. “I’ve been abused, goddammit. f**k you, Moeko!” “I didn’t call you abusive, Vehren! I said what you said sounded abusive.” “I stand by what I f*****g said!” He scoots away from me. “So, I’m an abuser now?” “That’s not what I f*****g said!” I rose my voice an octave. He tenses his whole body, including his fist, closing his eyes as shouts, “Don’t f*****g yell at me in my own f*****g room!” He reveals his black eyes. “This is my space you’re inside. You are free to leave any motherfucking time, b***h!” “Don’t call me a ‘b***h’! What the f**k is wrong with you today? You’re acting insane.” “Great.” He chuckles angrily. “I’m a crazy abuser. I’m glad I have not wasted all my love and appreciation.” His head shakes. “f**k it. Get out, Moeko.” “I’m not leaving.” I said, gripping his sheets. “You are, though. Right f*****g now. Walk home, I don’t care.” “I’m not walking home, Vehren! It’s night and I live fifteen minutes away by freeway. You’re being really weird right now, so I will leave. But I’m having your mom drive me, and I’m telling her why I’m leaving.” “Say nothing to her. She can take you home, but you be quiet.” “Don’t tell me to be quiet!” I jump up. He does the same with more aggression. “You trying to f*****g fight, Moeko! I don’t give a s**t if you’re a girl. You can throw hands.” “I’m not fighting you, dumbass! I’m leaving, and I’m going to do whatever I want.” “Good, ‘cause you’re single now.” He drops on the bed. I scoffed and left without another word. A lump swelled in my throat from holding back the tears. I was hiccupping when I found Erena preparing dinner in the kitchen. I broke into tears and told her what happened. Not all of it, but enough for her to grab her keys. She didn’t pry until we got in her truck. By the time we were on the freeway, she asked me, “Did he put his hands on you?” “No. He never has. I’ll kick his ass.” “Good. Vehren isn’t bad, Moeko. He’s emotionally challenged.” “What does that even mean?” “Mental illness. Think of it as the same way as being sick in your body. You’d be angry all the time, too, if you were constantly in pain.” I cry some more. Her words struck through my heart like a sword. It was the truth. It hurt so much believing Vehren no longer wanted me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t want him out of my sight. But that would not be the last time Vehren would be in my life. As of that night, his seed as concerted an egg, and that egg is now a fetus. That fetus is my daughter.