Wanting Her

-ETHAN- Useless. Since that day, the inefficacious word that has been nailed in the back of his head. The ruthlessness of the mere word always kept him awake at night. The hopeless feeling of unable to change for what has happened in the past. The inexplicable needs to run from what has haunted and garnered in the corner of his cognitive mind unfailingly become his one enemy that can never be thrown away. At this point, he felt nothing. Numbness succumbed his being befitting his current exhaustion that has eat him away. To the point where he didn't even know what's the beginning and end anymore. He didn't even try to lie to his mind, that he will be okay, because everything is f****d. No one can save him. From him. The scenes of that night are colorful and vivid in his mind like a screenplay playing the same scene over and over until he began his acceptance, that he can never run from it. The thundering sounds of gunshot, the spluttering blood coughs fills the air, the thick and red blood spills like honey, the sweats and blood stench mixed together. He will always remember it. Ethan dragged his heavy booted legs and make his way to the principal's office. The craping sounds of his boots and tars being his only focused. Ignoring the loud whispering and busy-bodiness of everyone else's which he didn't need and will never want. He refuses to give others the privilege of seeing his reaction when inside he is like a volcano ready to explode his lava. Since that day, he has been emotionally unstable and everything tickles him the wrong way. Everything pushes on his buttons and everything makes him crave to rage and let out his anger once and for all. But he didn't. He conjures up every last drip and droplets of sanity his can grasp and make his way inside successfully without making a scene. He pushes the door of the principal office and saw that Principal Sullivan is at his table. He looks like he's ready and waiting for him. "Sir." He greets politely. He's already making his way to the chair when Principal Sullivan greeted him back and ask him to sit. Ethan feels like he's being called to be lectured and punished for making a crime at school. "How are you doing Ethan?" He asked in a concerned voice. It soothes a bit on his open wound. He nods. "Coping, but I'm fine." Liar. "I hope you know that we always welcome you here. I understand if you want to take a break but you know the cue. You have to extend a semester and graduate later than everyone." I don't f*****g care. "I understand sir." "So, then it is all set. Take your time Ethan but we'll always here with you." Ethan almost scoffs his annoyance but manage to thank Principal Sullivan before walking out of the office. Everybody in this town know what has taken a toll on him. It annoys the crap out of him that they glance his way with frowning brows, concerned and pity marred in their face and eyes. He never wanted this to happen and he surely don't need any of their f*****g pity. He has got his own to back himself up. That's why he has decided to take a break from school and take his time elsewhere. Away from this f*****g town. He walks out but stops short. The open-door sound forces him to look at the figure that pass through that door. She enters slowly, scrutinizing the entire room and he is looking at her. As if enough, she straightly walk to the counter and talk with Ms Brown. "Hye there, My name is Lana. I'm new here, I would like to get my class schedule?" Her voice is like hot honey dripped- it comes to his instant likeness. Lana. "Yes, Lana dear. I've been expecting you. Just a moment." At the counter, once again she let her eyes trail through the entire office. Her brown highlighted wavy hair looks vibrant with extra natural light from the windows. Her neat and slender fingers are drumming softly on the counter whilst waiting for Ms Brown. Not until she looks his way. Cute heart shaped face staring back at him. From where he has been glued, he was sure that he looks like a stalker. But he's too drawn to her he can't even bring himself to care. She looks shocked from her widen eyes. But still, he can't decipher her eye colour, he thought it was greenish. Small button nose and full pink parted lips. And he doesn't miss how her cheeks flushes to light pink when their eyes meet. Electricity crackles and ignites, buzzing through that very moment. What the hell? Ethan keep his face indifference and unaffected when he's getting all mushy over one simple encounter with a stranger that kept him plastered in place. But, she did something that surprises him. She smiles at him. His breath hitches and beg his mind to memorize this very moment. A full on smile, sincerity and genuine-ty radiates from her smiling face. She looks even more beautiful when she smiles. The way she smiles and looks at him sparks a little hope in his dying and barren inside. Ms Brown's voice broke the connection, making her turns her attention away from him. "Here is your schedule, Lana. Happy class." How is this happening? Haven't a single girl at this school manage to drawn his attention to them but this new girl did. It's weird to see him acting this way. He watches her gives a warm smile to Ms Brown and walk her way out. But she stops short and turn his way. His heart stops before it is beating rapidly against his chest. She smiles at him and walks out for real this time. And he's left staring at her until she's out of his sight. At that moment, he knows what he needs to do. He's not going anywhere. That's for sure.