The Case of Falling For You

Chapter 25

I didn’t know how long I stood there. Nasa existential limbo ako. Tama ba na ‘di ko sinabi sa kanya? Pero what if habang nasa Hawaii siya, ma-develop siya kay Lily? Hindi ko naman siya masisisi. Wala naman kami.

Shit.

Feelings are so complicated!

Naglakad ako papunta sa kotse niya, halos manlamig ang kamay ko sa anxiety. I kept drumming my fingers sa steering wheel, debating kung tatawagan ko siya.

Instead, I did something more dramatic.

To: andrègl@gmail.com

Subject: The Talk

Hi.

Nag-email ako kasi alam kong hindi mo naman ito bubuksan agad. Perfect. Ayoko kasi ng text, mabilis masyado.

Sana nage-enjoy ka diyan. Also... please don’t reply agad, okay? Think about this. Like, think hard. Please don’t feel pressured.

Alam kong sinabi ko na sasabihin ko ‘to after exams, but then the dinner happened... and you were just so kind. Hindi mo ako pinilit. You knew how bad my mood was dahil kay Kassy. Sobrang na-appreciate ko ‘yon.

Anyway…

PLEASE DON’T BE WEIRD AFTER READING THIS.

This will be messy. It started after I broke up with Pablo (yes, break na kami. Di ko sinabi kasi I know you don’t like talking about him anyway). He said something weird before we broke up... he said may gusto ka raw sa akin.

I know. WILD, right?

Pero ayun, parang virus yung sinabi niya. Pumasok sa utak ko. Then every little thing you did—everytime you carried my bag, cooked for me, or drove me to school—I started wondering. I started doubting.

And it’s driving me nuts.

So... gusto ko lang klaruhin. Klaruhin mo. Klaruhin natin. Kasi...

Ay basta.

Don’t feel pressured. Walang commitment ‘to. No drama. Just talk when you’re back. Or never talk about it if you want. Up to you.

Disappointed ka ba? Akala mo may big reveal? Sorry ha! Hehe.

Enjoy Hawaii!

See you in two months!

-M

Hindi ko na binasa uli. I just hit send. Then I turned off my phone. Wala nang urungan ‘to.

I drove home. Kalma dapat, kahit na container truck hours na. I cannot die in Andrè's car. Hindi ko afford ang deductible.

Pagdating sa condo, I was all nerves. I microwaved some popcorn, nag-shower, naglagay ng facemask. Self-care muna bago mental breakdown.

Then I sat in front of the TV, popcorn in hand, watching You, at todo mura sa TV kasi bakit walang kurtina si ate girl?! Hindi ba siya nanonood ng horror films? Rookie mistake!

So caught up ako sa galit ko sa fictional characters when the front door swung open.

“Your email was vague. Care to clarify?”

PUTA.

I froze. Popcorn in mid-air. Facemask on. Andrè Ladezma, fresh from the airport, suitcase in one hand, and a “you’ve-got-some-explaining-to-do” face on.