Alphas broken mate

If hating one self was a sport

Beast

I listened to him leave and each of his steps felt like a dagger piercing through my chest.

Since the moment he brought me home, he had not touched me or even attempted to get closer to me. He kept himself at a few step distances away from me at all times.

Not that I expected him to.

Not that I wanted him to.

After what I did... I do not deserve any sort of comfort. Not from him, nor from anyone else. I knew that, but still deep in my chest for some reason, it hurt me on a different level. Probably because I let myself fall for his promise to be close, to take care of me no matter what. Over time, the forced comfort that my Wolf and I got used to has now taken away from us. I guess a part of me started to believe his words at some point and maybe even expected him to... to do as he promised...

But I guess I just did something that he cannot forgive me for... something that I would never forgive myself for either, but I guess it can go into the already long list.

The whole time, he just stood there looking at everything but me in the room. Even from so far away, I could feel his hatred radiating from him like freaking fire, that was slowly, bit by bit, eating away at me.

With every second I felt myself curl away deeper into myself, in a way hiding away from the flames of his hatred.

As he left the room, my body relaxed.

Once, I was finally alone and there was no more Danielle to distract me, I was left with my own mind, my worst enemy and biggest torturer. No one, and I mean no one, could ever cause me more pain than my own mind could.

So here I lay on the bed, imprisoned by my own thoughts as they kept replaying today's events, slowing down on every mistake, on every missed step... and then stopping at the moment that I was for sure going to remember till the day I die. It was complete terror in Timmies eyes... that sole image is now engraved into my mind.

The image of his face as well as the terrified look on Daniell's face replayed over, and I could no longer take it.

My skin felt too tight, and the room was suffocating me.

There was no oxygen in the room no matter how hard I tried to inhale, no air was reaching my lungs.

Before I knew it, I was out of the room.

My body was moving on its own as I crossed the village and was at the edge of the pack property.

I know that running again was not the choice, but I just couldn't stay there. I could no longer take it.

It was too much.

And maybe now that Daniel saw the real me, he would let me leave... that he saw whom I had become... no who I always was...

My body was moving without my control.

At this point, I was no longer sure if it was my wolf leading me or some other instinct.

We were no more than a few hundred meters from the border of the pack territory when I felt someone move not too far from me. Instantly my body kicked into gear as I turned in the direction where I sensed the stranger coming from. An unfamiliar scent hit my nose, and I was on the move. It was like a switch turned in my body and the overwhelming emotions and feelings faded away, leaving me in complete stillness and clarity.

Only one goal was left for me to concentrate on.

The other wolf I spotted was twice my size, but that did not matter. I had taken down a lot bigger ones back in the arena while I was in a far worse shape than I am right now. The few days with Daniel had given me more food and sleep then I had back then.

All my scenes zeroed in on him and my body relaxed, releasing everything that was weighing me down just a moment ago.

The guilt.

The images.

The voices.

Everything was gone, and my mind went completely quiet.

There was only me and my target.

After I took my first step in his direction, my target noticed me. Instantly he took off running at me, ready to attack me. For a wolf his size, he was quite clumsy and left one too many openings for me not to end this fast. The moment he got close enough, I had him down on his back. Two seconds later, I had part of his throat in my hand as I looked down at his lifeless body. His warm blood was running down my hands as I stared as his body twisted in pain one last time before he was gone.

Complete silence filled my mind and body for a moment. I recognized the feeling so well, and it felt like a doze of the best drugs soothing my overly sensitive body.

It felt like I took the first deep breath since the last time I took someone else's life back in the ring.

For a few moments, everything in me was completely quiet and there were no painful memories or feelings.

Just the current moment, as adrenaline was coursing through my veins bringing the familiar calmness all over my body. I was taking full deep breaths with a big smile on my face as I closed my eyes drinking the moment, enjoying each second of peace as the warm blood started to get cold and the peace I enjoyed so much started to fade away and, in its place, returned everything else.

A second later I was hit fully not only with what I felt before, but with the after effect with full force, with a new layer of realization that I had just killed someone right outside the pack ground... and who knows who he was.

What if he is part of the pack?

Or part of some other pack that we have a treaty with, and now I have ruined it...

The pack could go to war over this...

Shit...

Hell...

I... I ruined everything...

No no no no no... not again...

I felt my heartbeat picking up as air stopped flowing through my lungs and I started to hyperventilate as panic filled my body for the third time today I was getting lost in the panic.

My knees buckled under me as I landed next to the body on my knees not being able to take a full breath.

Seeing it up close... the scent of fresh blood started making me feel nauseous and not a moment later I was dry throwing up the non-existing content of my stomach as tears were rolling down my cheeks.

Once again, I ruined everything. I destroyed the delicate peace that has surrounded the pack since I left.

My presence alone brought only death and chaos to the pack...

Why, oh why did Danielle have to bring me back?

At some point, I felt someone gather hair that fell around my face

For a moment I dreaded and hoped that it was Danielle, but soon I realized that the scent did not belong to him.

Great, they will probably are going to kill me because I killed their friend... and I would be grateful for that as I can no longer take it... I wanted in to end... for this nightmare to end.

"Come on my child, it's going to be okay."

His genteel words had the opposite effect on me, but I managed to finally stop throwing up.