Alphas broken mate

Like nothing happened... but still so different

A part of me knew that this was a dream, and it was not real, because this is a dream I had been having since I was sixteen... since the night when everything changed for me. There was so much blood around me, and I was frozen in one spot at the side of my parents' living room as I looked at the dark figure rip my father to shreds, then move to my mother and then my brother. They were all dead... gone... and their lifeless, honor filled eyes were staring at me and I could not do anything... I was frozen in place, unable to move. Tears were streaming down my face, but I could not scream for help or do anything... I just sat there staring at them getting killed.

What felt like an eternity of hell and torture, relieving those f*****g moments ended, I jumped awake like every other time I fell asleep, waking up with a headache and nauseous as hell.

I was cold and shaking, but the shaking had nothing to do with the temperature. My whole body was covered in a cold sweat as I lay there for a moment, forcing myself to breathe through another wave of nausea while staring at the ceiling of my childhood bedroom.

And for a few moments, it felt like nothing changed, like the past couple of years hadn't happened. That I was back at eighteen scared and in so much pain, that I was numb to everything.

It felt like the past few years were just a dream and I hadn't run from the pack in the middle of the night, that I had been hiding from them and my responsibilities to them for years. The usual guilt filled my chest and the need to run forced me to sit up, but the moment I tried to sit up in bed, the cuffs around my wrists stopped me. And I froze as memories of what happened before I got knocked out came rushing back.

Great... I am a prisoner again, but this time it was completely different. As sure as I was that I could get out of the other pack, I knew that getting away here would be a lot harder if not impossible.

Shit.

With a huff of frustration, my head hit the pillow and scents from the sheets filled my room, bringing back memories that I tried so hard to keep at bay, because even a little piece could and would hurt me.

The same memories I had put in so much effort to bury, were now rushing back in full force.

FUCK.

It felt like all these years were all for nothing.

"You are awake."

Daniel's low voice filled the quiet room and a shiver of hope and complete sadness passed through my body.

I had to close my eyes to keep myself in check as I didn't answer him, not knowing what to say even if I could force words out of my mouth.

"As talkative as you were two days ago, I see."

Wait, did he say two days?

Had I been out for so long?

Shit.

Whatever he used must have been strong to knock me out like that.

"A healer checked on you while you were out. There were a few bites that were not healing as they should have, an infection was starting to spread from them and, as you are very malnourished, and in general very poor health, it is not healing as normal. But other than that, you are fine."

I hadn't noticed anything like that, not that I cared to take care of the wounds or bites from the fight. Most of the time, I was too numb to physical pain or physical scenes in general to feel anything as the emotional turmoil was overpowering all of my senses. It was f****d up, but good at the same time, I did not have to worry about physical pain affecting my fighting abilities.

"She said that you would be fine if I just fed you properly and got you hydrated. Those bites will clear up in a couple of days, but they will scar."

This time I chuckled because he sounded really concerned about the bites scaring me, but I guess it will be a surprise for him that my whole body is now covered in bite marks and other scars from fights or attacks.

Back in the arena, no one really cared about helping the wounds heal properly, scars made you look more dangerous and that attracted more attention. Not to mention the simple fact that they could not have cared less about any of the fighters' well being. In their eyes, we were nothing more as animals. Hell I am sure even household pets were treated better than we were.

Not that I would have let any of them touch me, even if they wanted to do something like dressing my wounds. I would have broken hands and attacked them to the point where they would have given up on me. That was what happened with overly friendly gamma guards who decided it was a good idea to hit on me, promising me a safe escape if I f****d them. It took twelve grown-ass gammas for that man to leave my cage barely alive.

After the last one almost died, it became a well-known fact that anyone who touches me will die.

Sure, there were still some assholes who thought that they were the exception to the rules, but I helped them change their minds really fast.

I heard Daniel walk deeper into the room and stop right next to my bed.

Him standing so close to me, it felt so familiar.

How many nights had I woken up from yet another nightmare only to find him standing there?

He would sneak into my room while his parents were sleeping and hold me as I cried.

He never asked why I was crying or any other stupid question, he just held me, letting me cry it out. Until I fell back to sleep, but this time in his arms. And when I woke up the next time in the morning, he would be gone.

So looking at him like this right now... s**t, it brought back memories.

I closed my eyes and turned back to look at the ceiling, at least the white wooden boards didn't make my heart beat again as I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. The scent of freshly cooked food filled my lungs and it smelled so good, way better than the s**t they fed us in the arena.

"Here, I brought you breakfast."

He said as he laid the tray he was carrying on the bedside table.

"Let me unlock your cuffs so you can eat."

I froze instantly when he leaned over me.

He was too close again, making all of my senses go crazy.

Shit.

I had to close my eyes and stop breathing for a moment, so I wouldn't do something stupid like hug him and cry in his chest like I used to. Instead, the moment the cuffs clicked open, instinctively I tried to jump out of bed, but his hands on my shoulder kept me in place, it was clear that he was expecting my reaction.

Asshole...

"I said so you can eat, not run or move from this bed at all."

His voice was more a growl than real words, but I understood what he meant. And so defeated, without releasing another sound, I sat up in bed, as he forced a tray into my lap and I had no choice but to accept it.

For a moment I just stared at the food, not sure if I should trust him after the stunt, by drugging me before.

"You eat by yourself, or I am force-feeding all this to you. You are not starving yourself to death as you have been before."

There was no mistaking that he meant every word and I did not have any other choice than just do as he said. So I picked up the fork and stared at the plate for a moment. My instinct to stab him with it and run was very strong, but I did not like the idea of hurting him as well as I knew that he would not let me get away. He must have noticed that I was staring at it for too long because it sounded like he read my mind again.

"Don't even think about it. We both know that you won't make it out of this room even if you stab my eye, so sit and eat."

The low growl in his voice had just enough alpha force in it to make me start eating.

When the first taste of the pancakes he brought for me hit my tongue, I realized that the last time I had pancakes was when I was back here all these years ago and the feeling that nothing changed, that nothing happened returned with full force making it hard to breath again.