Alphas broken mate

Cold blue eyes

It was hard to eat. Not that the food was bad or anything like that, I had not tasted a bite that I had in my mouth right now, but I knew that it would taste good. It always did.

No the overwhelming storm of emotions and everything that I had been running away from was making it so hard for me to feel anything other than... then just the general feeling of overwhelmed that was holding me frozen. The clash of everything feeling so familiar yet so different after these last few years. Nothing had changed in this room, but I felt even more out of place as I sat there taking bite after bite, clearing the plate that was set in front of me.

Slowly, I chewed the bites with my eyes completely concentrated on the plate as my head felt like a chaotic burning fire.

The whole time I was eating, Daniel sat on the bed next to me as he watched me eat. I could not ignore him, even without looking. I knew that he was following each of my moves, trying to determine my state of mind and whether I would be doing something stupid like trying to kill him or myself... Or maybe not? maybe he changed in all these years just as I did, but every instinct in my body told me that it was not true, that he was still very much the same man. Ignoring that his eyes were so much colder then before... that the light I used to rely on and feel warmer from was no longer there. The more I thought about it a sinking feeling of something being different joined the pit in my stomach.

"You are probably wondering why I tracked you down, now, after all this time."

His words made me stop. This very question has been haunting me since the moment I saw him, but I did not show my interest or react in any way, I did not trust myself to do anything.

"Erin."

There was an edge to his voice that had some Alpha in it and I had no choice but to look up at him. But not only that, there was a different edge to his voice, one that I had not heard before, and I had no idea where I should put it or how I should interpret it.

But I cannot deny that him using the alpha voice on me, this new little trick of his is getting old and annoying. I left right as he became the pack alpha that granted him his new party tricks of undeniable dominance over anyone in the pack, so he did not have before I left. This was new to me and I can for sure say that I am not a fan.

My eyed lifted to meet his and they were the same calm deep blue that I always saw, but there was an edge to his gaze that made my stomach turn in a bad way. That coldness did not belong in his eyes... no, they were supposed to be warm and welcoming, I could only guess what made him look at me like this and I have a feeling that I had a big part of making him this way.

Sadness filled my chest and the need to look away was strong, but I sat there frozen as the dominant effect from his words were still there.

The look on his face changed, I'm not sure if it was due to me not looking away or due to whatever he saw in my face. His face turned from icy calm to curious as he slowly extended his hand. My body went into panic and I reacted as I did for the last few years to anyone who tried to touch me as I shifted back in bed to get completely out of his reach as a chest deep growl escaped my chest. My sudden movement sent the plate playing on the ground, breaking it into small pieces.

The sound of it breaking filled the room as I stared at it for a few moments, feeling a bit sad about the ruined food I know he made himself for me... that I had ruined yet another thing...

Daniel's movement pulled my concentration to him as I followed each of his moves with my eyes. You can call it an instinct I picked up in the arena; never look away from your opponent, because that mistake can be your last.

But in the most basic sense, it was just plain paranoia and animal instinct.

His hand froze midair the moment I shifted back and he pulled back. For a moment he looked at his hand, as his face also frozen in a natural look that I was sure hid a lot of different emotions.

Releasing a deep breath, that had a lot of emotions behind it as he lowered that hand and looked up at me.

His eyes were full of sadness and regret that he had been hiding from me before...

There was an edge of sadness to his eyes now, and I was sure this time that I was the one to blame for that look in his eyes.

Me pulling back hurt him on a different level.

I caused him pain yet again as memories flooded me when was the last time I hurt him in this very house. All the feelings, pain and memories came rushing back and any of my attempts to keep it at bay did not work. It was becoming too much as it was suffocating me and the only thing I knew was that I needed to escape. I needed to stop all this... it was just too much...

Without even thinking for a second, I jumped out of bed, landing on the broken plate.

The sharp broken edges dug into my skin, piercing it, but this was not enough to quiet those memories, to stop the pain from spreading in my chest. Pain no longer worked as a coping mechanism.

So I did not fight my instincts as I took off running without a clear direction in my mind, I just knew that I had to run.

I could hear Daniel shouting my name, but my brain was buzzing too much for me to understand any of what he was saying.

My own heartbeat mixed with the sounds from my memories was too loud for me to hear anything.

So I just ran.

And ran.

I am not sure how I made it outside, because it was all a blur. My mind was racing when I stepped outside and stopped for a moment, training to decide where to run now, but before I could take even a step, I felt Dainiel's hands wrap around my body.

"STOP ERIN."

This time he used his full alpha power and I had no other choice but to freeze in place.

His hands forced me to turn around, and he pressed my head into his chest, like he used to do before. It was his way of helping me, grounding me. He always did this when my memories would rush back and I would go into complete panic mode. To save me from myself, he used to hold me in place with his body.

This was the only way he could think of how to stop me without hurting me. That was at least what he said when I asked him.

Every time I started to slip, he would hug me like this and hold me until my heart beat settled. Enough so I could breathe normally again.

Him, holding me like that, was the only way I could cope with this back then... until I ruined it all and ran... after that, I found a different way to make it all go away. It was a lot more violent and bloody, but my fighting instinct was strong in me. It made the rest go away in a heart beat overpowering the rest. As a daughter of a pack alpha with lineage to the very first wolves, I had extra strong animal instincts that would kick in every time I was in danger or in a fight. My wolf saw them as one and the same.

The moment adrenaline rushes through my body, everything else fades away, it was the only thing that worked.

But Daniel holding me like this also worked quite well. It was based on a completely different science than simple adrenalin rush and to this day I am not sure how or why it worked, but I was sure that it had to do with the fact that we were mates.