My Best Friend's Baby

Chapter 2

Chapter 2I hated these tests. I wanted to throw this one clear across the room and watch it break against the back of the bathroom door. No matter what I did they always said the same thing: Not pregnant.

For the third time in eighteen agonisingly long months I was heartbroken. Not just for myself, but for my best friend and his husband, who were waiting eagerly on the other side of the door.

I was a woman. I should have been able to do this. I should have been able to at the very least give them this. It was the one thing I had been placed on this planet to do and yet I just couldn’t do it. There was something in my body that was saying no, turning down the promise of new life that I had tried to give it three times over. Three rounds of in vitro fertilization had failed and now I had to tell Lee and Dale that.

My heart had stopped the moment that the timer went off for the end of the developing time. I’d picked up the test from where I’d hidden it beneath its own packaging and looked. There it had been, that one lonely line.

I took another deep breath and prepared for the second wave of disappointment that would come when I opened the bathroom door. Clutching the test in one hand my other hand trembled as it reached for the door handle. This was the part that I hated, the part where my best friend’s hopes were dashed against a concrete brick wall that seemed next to impossible to get over.

“Is everything alright in there?” I heard Dale yell before the sound of Lee hushing him. No doubt my amazing best friend was telling his husband to give me all the time I needed.

Yet there was no point in taking any more time. The longer I waited the harder it would be to see the expressions on their faces.

I pushed the handle down and pulled the door open to find them waiting expectantly on the other side.

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing I could bring myself to say as I held the test out to them. Lee grabbed hold of it and stared at the single line for what felt like an eternity. The tears burned the corners of my eyes as I tried my damnedest to hold onto them.

“It’s okay.” Dale reached out and gave my shoulder a quick squeeze of comfort. All it did was make me feel worse.

“There’s always next time.” Lee sighed. There were those words, the words that had given me hope after the first round had failed. Now, after three failed rounds, all they did was fill me with dread. I took hold of the emotions that were roiling inside of me and bottled them down deep. I would tell them how I was feeling, but not now. This wasn’t the time that I should tell them I wasn’t sure if I could do this again. The mere thought of it made me feel sick to my stomach.

“You look like you need to sit down.” Dale reached out for my arm. “Come on, let’s get a coffee.”

I wasn’t about to argue with that. Anything was better than standing there, looking at the disappointment on their faces. Dale linked his arm through mine and led me through to the kitchen. Lee followed close behind. Neither of them spoke, and I was slightly relieved for that. Even silence was better than voicing their emotions. I didn’t need them to tell me how much I had let them down. I could already feel it coming off them in waves.

I sat at the kitchen island on one of the uncomfortable stools, feeling unusually numb. When Dale placed a coffee in front of me, I barely even noticed until Lee spoke up. “I think we might all be needing something stronger than that tonight.”

He’d already taken a few sips of his own scolding hot tea before he stood up and headed for the refrigerator. I looked up just in time to see him pull a bottle of wine from the inside of the door. Normally I would have shaken my head and told him no because I hadn’t had a drink for the last eighteen months, but now my nerves were shot. I needed something to drink or I might go insane.

“I’ll get us all a glass.” Dale nodded his agreement, and I was relieved that they didn’t leave me out as usual, because they knew what my answer would be. That was the good thing about my best friend and his husband. They always knew what I needed.

“Thanks.” I smiled up at Dale when he placed a glass of wine beside my coffee mug. We all knew which drink would be the one to be finished.

“Why don’t we watch some trashy rom com and try and forget all about this baby making stuff for a little while?” Lee suggested.

We’d been sitting in slightly awkward silence for a few minutes, each nursing our drinks. Silence wasn’t usually our forte and the thought of getting back to our usual made me nod.

“I like the sound of that,” I admitted. “But I have a condition.”

“What’s that then?” Lee and Dale exchanged an apprehensive look.

“We order Chinese because I am absolutely starving.” Even as I spoke my stomach grumbled. I felt as though I’d been eating nothing but kale and salad leaves for the last few months in order to keep my body in shape, ready for the baby that would eventually grow within me.

“That sounds like a condition which I would like to second!” Dale nodded and reached into his pocket for his mobile phone. “What would you like? I’ll order it.”

“One of everything on the menu.” I was only half joking with how hungry I was. “A special chow mien will do for me. Oh, and some bamboo shoots and water chestnuts.”

My mouth was practically watering at the mere thought of all that flavourful goodness.

“I’ll have my usual,” Lee added. Dale scowled at him and shook his head.

“We haven’t had Chinese in months,” my best friend’s husband grumbled. “How am I supposed to know what your usual is?”

“I will let you figure that out and be overly offended if you get it wrong.” Lee offered his husband a cheeky expression. I had to hide my amusement behind my wine glass.

“I’m going to guess sticky lemon chicken with a side order of spring rolls.” Dale tapped his index finger on his lower lip.

“How dare you…” Lee feigned disgust before his expression amusingly developed into a smile. “You got it right.”

“Phew.” I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. “I was beginning to think I was going to have to break up a lovers tiff.”

“You could try.” Dale winked at me. The wave of heat that spread from my cheeks downwards to my chest and further still was the last thing I’d expected. It landed like a firework between my thighs and I clenched them tightly.

What was wrong with me? Had the few sips of wine I’d drunk already gone to my head?

“You two head into the living room and I’ll get this ordered,” Dale suggested.

As soon as my best friend and I were alone in the living room I admitted, “You know, I still can’t believe you managed to bag somebody so perfect.”

“That’s just how I do, girlfriend.” Lee smirked back at me for a moment before turning his attention to the television to find said trashy rom com he’d suggested.

“When do you think it’ll be my turn?” I sighed with disappointment. I had been waiting for Mr. Right to come along since high school. Every time I thought I’d found him, a huge red flag would come up in the form of a crazy ex-girlfriend or another lover I didn’t know about. One of my partners had even turned out to be gay. Lee and Dale always joked I’d been the one that turned him. That was until I’d grown so insecure about it that they’d assured me you couldn’t ‘turn’ anybody gay.

“If I go with my gut, I’d say it’s coming just around the corner.” Lee patted the sofa next to him and I flopped down onto the designer cushions. He had his life put together right down to the fine art decor of their beautiful townhouse home and I was still living in a two-bed apartment with my other best friend, who’s only luck with men was a series of one-night stands because that’s what she wanted.

I, on the other hand, didn’t want to stay single forever. That probably had something to do with my parents being high school sweethearts, and their relationship made me even more jealous than Lee and Dale’s did.