Left for Dead

God please fuckin help me. Help me and these demons living deep down inside of me. They wont f*****g leave! So why in the f**k does no one believe me? Why when I need him the most does God seem to leave me? I'm kicking and screamin, having nightmares nightly while I'm supposed to be dreamin! The whiskey and weed never judge me. It's unlikely that the whiskey and weed will ever be anything other than whiskey and weed. I feel like God might be using me like a sad anal bead, like for some fuckin reason he fuckin needs me to bleed. He's punishing me like I'm Christopher Reeves, repeatedly. Why won't he save me no matter how hard I plead? Can he not fuckin see How much I fuckin hate me? Why wont he let me know serenity and breathe peace into me? My heart can no longer be shattered. The thoughts in my head that have me wishing I was dead cant seem to be gathered. Instead of f*****g your father your mom should have just nawgd on the condom wrapper in the crapper. She could have sucked his d**k while he was taking a s**t. Anything to prevent the birth of a bunch of b***h t**s. I'm really f*****g hard to love. A first kiss always ends in a last shove. To broke to even buy coke. My life's a damnn joke. My d**k's as thin as toothpick, my mom's a b***h and my dad's a prick. I was abandoned as a newborn and I'm too ugly to do porn. Went to too many schools to count, never have I known anything other than down and out. Been passed up, passed over, and passed around and treated worse than a hound at the pound. If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all and no matter high high I climb, I'll always fall. Does it burn when you pee? Well it fuckin does me! I'm half deaf and can hardly see. The only comfort for me is a bottle of whiskey. Have you ever known hate or get HIV from your dadss wife on your first date? You can't relate to the heartache it takes to embrace a damned fate. I hope I don't each time I breathe. Every breath is a breath closer to death. What I need is to be anyone other than me. To wake up from a single damn dream and not scream. I dont want to live another minute, this world would be so much better without me fuckin in it. My tolerance for the human condition isn't high. So why in the f**k wont God let me die? I hate me in ways you just can't understand, from birth I've been damned. My heart wants to not beat, my body longs for Hell's heat, to feel the brimstone beneath my feet. I need God to see that he needs to delete this thing I call me. That's what i believe and I doubt that anyone would disagree Brutally pornographic, sadistic hick, addicted to Netflix and shaving his hairy hillbilly balls with his ugly sister's rusty ladies Schick while playing with his toothpick looking, little itty bitty micro baby d**k. I live by the same sword that you're about to die with. And don't you dare f*****g pray cause your god's just a myth. If im ever arrested and put on the stand, forced to swear under oath as a man while raising high my right hand for any of this. I'll plead the damn 5th and watch as prosecutors start clenching and shaking their fists. Laugh till i cry as I witness grown ass men throw little cry baby b***h fits, watch theml get all f*****g pissed when they see me get away with this s**t. Size matters for condoms and coats. You glow differently when you're loved right and occasionally choked. A middle aged Caucasian criminal. Is everything fun illegal or evil? I'm stuck in a world where nothing grows except anger. Where hate and darkness breed chaos spreads sickness as night after night trying desperately to ignore the screams that wake me from my dreams until I'm unable to muster up the will to take another breath and the only future for me that I can see is incarceration or death. Let's see what we f*****g get. Now that It's past time to place bets and I bet your head would be full of regrets and I doubt that I'd fuckin regret that bet. The choices made now effect things that ain't even happened yet. Now tell me that doesn't blow your mind, think about the world that you left behind. Blink for to long and watch as time fades way into memories but the memories they seem fuckin wrong like they somehow just don't belong but you're helpless to stop it. Now you're a drunk with a record driving home from the bar trying like hell to avoid any fuckin cop cars. You've become to familiar with being locked behind bars. No more wishing on stars. You'll be left with a broken heart and what's left of your life to count all of your fuckin scars. But what if you could hit rewind, would you swear to do things right this time? but how tight is the devils grip, how long before you take that sip to dull the day, to drown the pain, will you ride the wave just to calm the rage ? And how long before heroin rears it's f*****g face again, then your left with the options of the grave or the fuckin pen.. From relapse to rehab, again and again, there no light just a ride in Hurst in the end. Game over, and you didn't f*****g learn so you didn't f*****g win.