Just another Tumor

Hotel Sheets

Samantha Type 

“I’m sorry.” I can’t do this again, I can’t fall in love with this guy and then know that he could die at any moment. I had to go through this with Michael, sitting in that hospital room hooked up to those tubes and machines. I can’t. 

“Don’t be it’s not your fault, you didn’t know.”  

“No, I’m sorry I can’t do this.” Go as far away from him as possible. Leave town and tell your parents that we have to go somewhere else. Somewhere with no guys to like or be around. Send me to private school. I’ll get a better education there anyways.  

“What?” 

“I have to go.” I got up and just started running. Track pays off sometimes, just didn’t think I’d use it to get away from my date. I feel a couple drops on shoulder, I look up and it starts to rain on me. I understand rain, rain comes down when it feels too heavy for the clouds to carry and I guess humans are like that too. We make it rain when things get too heavy for us. I have no idea where I’m going or if I’m even going the right way. Do cars realize that when passing some one on the road its polite to actually slow down and not drive so f*****g close to them? A car pulls up beside me and I ignore him because I’m assuming it’s Ethan trying to be nice and offer me a ride but I can’t. I can’t go in that car and look at him. At first the date was terrible but then he started talking about the sunset and oh my god, I just can’t do this with him.  

“Hey are you okay?” It’s not his voice, it doesn’t sound like a boy that was just left in a restaurant and it also sounds nothing like him. “I know the stranger danger thing but we go to school together. Fourth period Pre-Cal?” 

“I’m fine walking.” 

“Really? ‘Cos, it doesn’t look like the right kind of shoes to be walking around in the rain.” He is right. My dark cyan wedges are getting all wrecked, velvet and dirty water is not my favourite at the moment.  

“I don’t even really know you, what if your lying to me?” He’s not, I know him. He sits two desks away from me and stared for half the class in my direction. Jayden Cadger. Tall, nice hair with hazel eyes. Kind of cute. 

“I know you’re Samantha Type, I know you use different coloured pens to write different parts of your notes. I know that your cold right now and pretty soon going to be soaked.” He did have a point.  

“Samantha wait!” I don’t look behind me because I know I’ll start crying. 

“Just leave me alone!”  

“Is that why you’re walking in the rain? To get away from Ethan Davidson?” So that’s his last name. It suits him pretty well. “He’s really harmless, I swear. Probably one of the only good guys at our school.” 

“What about you? Are you one of the good ones?” 

“Depends on who you ask.” He looks in front of him and smirks. 

“I’m asking you.” 

“Then no. No, I’m not.” He turns his head and smiles at me, it gives me butterflies in stomach. 

“Sam please! Talk to me or at least let me drive you home? We’re in the middle of no-where and its cold and raining. Samantha Type!” I stop and look over to Jayden who has now also stopped. 

“Give me a second.” He nods his head and I turn and start walking to Ethan. He looks scared, like I’m going to go over there and punch him out. “I can’t do this Ethan.” 

“Why?”  

“It’s complicated.” So very, very complicated. 

“I’m complicated, your complicated! What does that have to do with anything?!” 

“It has to do with everything!” I can’t tell but there might be tears in his eyes, or its just the rain, but his voice has definitely changed. I think I’m crying though. 

“Explain it to me then! Don’t just run out of the restaurant in the freezing f*****g rain!” I walk closer to him and kiss him. I can feel him get lighter and I think he’s already killed a part of my soul. 

“You felt that?” The warmth. 

“The warmth?” 

“That’s why I can’t do this. That’s why me and you are never going to happen!” Because I can’t go and fall in love with you, while you’re in the hospital bed dying. It’s not going to happen. 

“Because it feels like fireworks when we kiss? Because you feel it too? Because I think I could fall in love with you if you just smile at me? That’s why we can’t work? Because we actually work?!” 

“Because I can’t lose another love!” I’m shaking but it’s not from the rain. I don’t think I’ve felt like this since Michaels birthday. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I can’t want you or love you because I don’t want to lose another piece of myself. I can’t go through what happened last year! I can’t do it!” He brings me close and kisses me. I relax into his arms and I feel okay. I feel like it’s going to be okay. But for how long will this last.  

“It’s going to be okay.” 

“But what if it’s not.” I wiggle out of his embrace and take a step back. He looks hurt, he looks like he understands now that I can’t be with him because of something he can’t control. He lowers his head and walks over to his car but I can’t move yet. I’m frozen in place waiting for reality to slap me back to the present. He looks over at me one more time and just as I open my mouth his fist slams against the car door which sends a shock all the way through me. He gets in and speeds off and I’m just standing here.  

“Are you going to be okay?” Jayden’s behind me and I have no idea when he got out of the car. When did that even happen? 

“Are you hungry?” 

“What?” He looks confused and I guess that’s the appropriate response for what just happened. 

“I haven’t eaten since lunch so I am starving. Do you want to go eat with me or could you just drop me off at home?” 

“I know a place.” We get into his car and I check for the airbags. “So, I’m Jayden.” 

“I know.” I smile at him and he gives me a smirk. 

“So, Samantha, what’s your life story?” Holy f**k. 

“Date me.” I blurt it out without thinking. Perfect timing sam jam. Just ditched your other date for this guy.

“Are you serious? You didn’t want to get in the car because you didn’t really know me and now you want us to date?” He looks concerned but not opposed to the idea. 

“Yes, date me because that is the one question I needed you to ask and I knew who you were. I knew you stared at me for most of that class and I’m pretty sure you have no idea how to graph a trig function at all.”  

“I was paying attention in class I just thought you looked better than the power point slides and I also got the notes I missed from my buddy and might I add if you were paying attention how do you know I was looking at you for most of the class?” 

“I was definitely paying attention! I have very good peripheral vision.” 

“Oh, sure you do.” I laugh and for a moment I forget about Ethan, but then he’s right back in my head. “So, when’s this first date?” 

“Really? Umm now? Or some other time because this might feel a little weird after that whole… ordeal?” 

“Just gotta do one thing first.” He pulls over to the side of the road and I am completely confused right now. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore, what if I’m having a mental break down? “Ready?” 

“For what?” He leans in and kisses me. It’s soft and gentle but just hard enough to make me want to move into him. He stops and stays close to my face for a minute and I just stare at his lips. Butterflies. 

“Okay, yeah.” 

“Yeah what?” I giggle at the situation because I have no idea what is happening but I like the way he makes me feel. 

“You’re my girlfriend now.” 

“You had to kiss me to make sure?” 

“No, I had to kiss you to make it official and make sure I actually wanted this. I like you and your beautiful and smart so I just… wanted to double check.” 

“Sounds like a sound plan.” He leans in again and I think we sat here for what felt like hours just making out. 

“Crap.” 

“What?” 

“We gotta go get you some food.” I completely forgot about being hungry. The butterflies made me forget or filled, either or food was not on the brain. “So, it’s close to eight, what are you feeling. Burger, burrito, sandwich, the moon, a horse, a small child?” 

“Oh, definitely a small child.” 

“Off we go then.” This whole night just freaks me out. First, I was all about Ethan and then I wasn’t because I don’t even know if I’m over Michael, well I know I’m not over him it’s going to take a while but with Jayden it’s light and frothy and just simple. It’s simple with him and complicated with Ethan. Do I want old couple feelings or the puppy love?  

“So where are we going to eat this small child?” 

“Are you okay with going to my place?” I think I just choked on air, is that even possible? Actually, choking on air? “Or we could just grab a burger from a drive through?” 

“No, no, umm, your place is fine. Fine and dandy.” I do my stupid nervous laugh and I’m pretty sure he can tell that is was a nervous laugh? 

“If you are not comfortable coming over it’s fine, Samantha.” He’s polite. He’s polite and kind of cute and nice. You’re definitely going to screw this up Sam. 

“Drive to your place. I want to eat a small child.”  

“Okay then.” His laugh is low and soft. It’s smooth like when you go to a five-star hotel and see the sheets on the bed, smooth. We get to his house and it’s simple. Like a stereotypical family. Stay at home mom, younger sister that he’d do anything for, a dad that works nine to five and comes home to a perfect dinner made by his loving wife. Simple. “My Dad’s out of town right now and I don’t think my brothers home so we could eat in the kitchen, living room, downstairs, or my room.” 

“Kitchen sounds great.” 

“Perfect. I’ll get you that small child.” He walks off into the kitchen and I’m almost right. Simple little house, his dad works a job that he’s sometimes away or nine to five maybe. “Do you want cheese on your small child?” 

“Umm, do I look stupid? Of course, I want cheese.” He laughs again, hotel sheets. I walk into the kitchen and it’s, wait for it… simple. “So, what is this small child made out of?” 

“Well it has cheese, do you like mushrooms?” I nod, “Good, what about spaghetti?” I nod again, “Perfect, now what about marinara sauce?” 

“Disgusting!” 

“Seriously?” He looks at me concerned like I just insulted his whole family. 

“No, I just didn’t want to nod my head again.” 

“You could’ve just agreed out loud?” 

“Yeah, but what’s the fun in that?” 

“True.” Hotel sheets, smooth. I guess I didn’t feel my phone vibrate because I got a text from Ethan asking to talk and I don’t want to. I don’t want to talk or look at him until I figure things out myself.  

“Ethan wants to talk to me.” 

“Do you want to talk to him?” I shrug my shoulders and just stare at my phone. “If my opinion counts for anything, I think you should talk to him. Maybe explain why you left his date and jumped right into this thing.” 

“Jayden I’m really sorry.” 

“I know.” He kisses me and it feels like an apology. “Maybe after you work everything out you might want to date me when your ready.” 

“Thank you. Umm, is it okay if Ethan comes here and talks to me?” 

“Yeah, I think he still knows where I live.”