The Perks of Being Heartless

Chapter Ten

CHAPTER-10: Last Chance

After Mom's funeral, I stayed on the memorial. My tears began to run dry. I can’t still absorb the fact that I can't be with Mom anymore – she left us. I just hugged her picture while sitting on the Bermuda grass. Suddenly, I heard a familiar sigh behind me. When I turned to find out who it was, I saw him. His swollen eyes spoke of deep pain. I just looked away. I can't bear to look at him for too long because he reminded me that this is entirely his fault. He killed mom.

"I'm sorry," he finally spoke with his rasped voice. Did he cried too? Why? Because of guilt?

I laid Mom's picture beside her tombstone before I stood up and prepared to leave; but I was stunned when I felt his hand on my arm.

"Alexa, can we talk?" His voice echoed through my thoughts. He wanted to talk to me? For what reason?

"I have no more reasons to talk to you," I said while gritting my teeth in anger.

"Just a minute, Alexa. Please. I'm begging you."

I turned back to face him. "Okay, just don't waste my time for nonsense talks," I uttered coldly.

"I'm sorry if I didn't visit your mom. It was my entire fault. Maybe she would have been alive if I didn't contact her that time." I saw how hard dad sobbed in guilt. I stayed silent while listening to the man who made my mom suffer.

"The last time I talked to your mom, I asked her if I could fix everything about us because I wanted to fix the family that I broke… the family that I betrayed for many years. But–"

"Then how about your other family? You will betray them? You will betray them just to fix your betrayal?" I can't stop myself from asking these questions. I was so unlucky to have a father like him – a father who gave us so much pain.

"Alexa, listen," he begged while holding my shoulders.

"Enough, Mr. Edward Mercado." I don't know where I got the strength to speak like this. I lost my trust in him, yes; but no matter what, he is still my father and I shouldn't disrespect him.

I immediately turned and walked away. He was just wasting my time.

"Russell is not my real son." I stopped when I heard what he said. This familiar feeling – I felt it again… the feeling I get every time I hear his name.

"A week ago, I found out that Russell was the son of Sabrina's ex-boyfriend," Dad continued.

Russell is not my half-brother? There was a side of me that felt joy, but the other side wanted to believe that Dad was lying again just to regain my trust. I ignored what he said and continued to walk away from him.

No more tears to cry. Maybe, I should be grateful that mom’s no longer here, make her feel free and in peace. She will never endure the pain and heartache caused by Dad. Her pain was over.

***

It’s been a month since the death of my beloved mother. It's still fresh in my mind, and the pain’s still here. I don't have any news about Russell, and Dad’s living alone in an apartment he rented. I still can't forgive him yet.

I always lock myself up in my room as I try to reminisce the happy moments with our once complete family. I was stuck in the sadness of my life. How could I move on?

I opened my laptop and I checked out my blog. It's been a long time. I wasn't able to open my blog, and as expected I’ve received some notifications from Kid and Letti.

→Alex (@Ms.AnonymousBlogger) published a blog post.←

There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

Moments later, I received a new notification.

→ CommentMe (@Mr.Commenter) commented on your blog post.←

You left and I cried tears. My sorrow grows. It’s not just because you left, but when you left, my eyes went with you. Now, how will I cry? My heart went with you too, so I no longer know what it feels to cry.

My heart skipped a beat after reading that message. I don't know why I felt this weird feeling, but his response was weird too. I just closed my laptop because I don't really know how to respond to what Mr.Commenter said.

Sunday morning. I woke up early and planned to go to church. After the mass, I will visit Mom’s grave. This has become my routine every Sunday.

When I was at church I felt uneasy. I don't know why, but I felt someone staring at me differently. I just ignored it when the mass started.

After the mass, I went outside and I saw a familiar figure walking towards the parking area. It was too crowded so I can't move easily. Although I only saw his back, I’m sure it’s him. No doubt, that was Russell. I’m sure of it. The only man who made my heart beat faster like the way I feel right at this moment.

When he reached the parking lot, he turned his gaze towards my direction. I froze when our eyes met. I saw grave sadness through his eyes. I saw a different Russell. Suddenly, I felt like my heart was stabbed many times when he turned back and proceeded to his car. It felt like my world stopped and the truth hit me – that this is the result of letting my guard down. Beads of tears fell down my cheeks.

I gave Russell everything – my all. Now it’s over.

When I reached the memorial, I saw Dad. He was wearing a formal suit. I just ignored him and put the flowers beside the tombstone.

I was aware that he always pays mom a visit because of the flowers I see every time I'm here.

"Do you love Russell?" I froze when I heard Dad ask me that question. I don't know what to say so I stayed silent. "He loves you, Alex."

Should I believe on what he’s saying? Or should I contradict his statement? But why? Why is my heart rejoicing with his words?

"Sabrina got angry when she found out about you and Russell. But I saw how Russell tried to convince his mom."

"Why are you saying these, Dad?"

'i***t question Alex!' a part of me shouted.

"Believe me, Alexa. Russell wanted to fight for his love for you but how could he? How could he do that if you already gave up without even fighting?" My knees were shaking after I heard these words from my Dad. My mind and heart told me that Dad was right.

"I know you love him, Alexa. You are my daughter and I know what you feel. Fight for your love with Russell, before it’s too late. They’re leaving for Paris at 11:30 A.M."

I was more shocked when I heard that Russell is going to leave the country. My tears kept falling but I didn’t mind. I looked at my wrist watch and it’s already 11:00 A.M.! I have 30 minutes left before I lose him forever.

"Hurry up! Use my car," Dad continued and he gave me the keys. I ran towards Dad's car but I couldn’t move fast because of the three-inched heels I'm wearing so I decide to take them off.

I started the engine and drove fast.

"f**k this traffic!!" I cursed when I got stuck while I was on my way to the airport.

It was 11:25 A.M. when I reached the airport. I immediately ran inside the departure area. I think this is what they call adrenaline rush. I even caught the attention of some people in the terminal. Maybe because I was barefooted. But I didn't care, I needed to find Russell.

I tried to find Russell in the waiting area, but he wasn’t there. Then, my sight shifted to the restricted area of the airport. That’s where I saw a familiar figure – the man I've been looking for.

"Russell," I uttered as I ran towards the boarding gate.

"Ma'am, where's your boarding pass?"

"I don't have one, but please, let me pass. I just need to–"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you can only pass this area if you have a boarding pass," the guy continued. I forced myself to pass but three security guards intercepted my way.

"Please, let me pass." I begged but I failed again. "Russeeelllll!!!!!" I called his name hoping he would hear me. "Russeeelllllll!!!! Let's talk!!!!" I yelled again. I looked so desperate, cried, begged and forced myself to pass. I don't care what people would think about me. I love Russell and this might be the last chance I have to fight for love. Is it too late?

"Alex? Is that you?" I heard a familiar voice and saw Mae standing in line on the boarding gate.

"Mae?"

"Are you okay? What happened?" she asked curiously.

"Hon, who is she?" the man behind her asked. I guess he is Mae's boyfriend.

'f**k! I don't want to waste my time here.'

"She's my friend, Hon," Mae answered sweetly. Then I noticed a piece of paper inserted in a small pocket of Mae's shoulder bag. It’s a plane ticket. I picked it up and smiled at Mae.

"Let me borrow this please..."

I ran towards the boarding gate without Mae's permission.

I'm sorry Mae.

After giving the plane ticket and the boarding pass, I ran towards the way where Russell went earlier.

"A plane to Paris Ma’am?" a flight attendant asked me.

"Yes," I simply nodded. My whole being is praying and hoping to see Russell, wishing that it isn’t too late for us.

"This way Ma'am." She guided me to the plane.

When I reached my destination, I saw no one inside the plane. I thought the attendant was only mistaken. I felt a little pain on my feet. It's wounded because of running with barefoot.

When I am about to step out, I heard a familiar voice say my name. When I turned around, I saw Russell standing at the center on the first cabin. His smile… I missed his smile. And I can't help myself from smiling back. On his hands, I saw a dozen of red roses. My eyes started to become blurry as beads of tears formed in my eyes until they fell down my cheeks.

He slowly walked towards me. My heartbeat drummed rigorously. It seemed like my whole system was rejoicing.

He gave me the flowers, but I was more shocked when he showed me a small box. He opened it and I was dumbfounded with what’s inside. It’s a ring!

"Miss Alexandria Mercado, will you marry me?" I froze. It felt like my jaw stiffened and I can’t move. Am I dreaming? The man I love is proposing. I thought–

"Hey, Barefoot Girl. Will you marry me?" Our eyes met and I saw it in his eyes – LOVE. It’s there and it has always been there. I can clearly see that he loves me a million times. I’m sure I am not dreaming as I could feel the pain on my wounded feet.

"Yes, I will," I nodded with a smile painted on my lips and tears of joy falling down.

He slipped the ring around my finger. And after that, I felt his sweet lips touched mine. We torridly kissed each other like there’s no end.