Irrevocably Mine

The papers lay on a brown envelope on top of the kitchen island, signed, waiting for the second party to sign as well. I stared at the papers that would severe all ties to my husband, my last few months that had seemed the happiest of my life and the future which I had so intensely imagined. In those papers was the end of my dreams of a career I had so worked hard for, the dreams of children with the man I had loved almost from the day we met and the end of a few friendships that I had cultivated in his life. The friends we shared whom I knew would take his side no matter what. But I didn't care, this was my life. I had to do what was best for me. I leaned on the kitchen sink, my legs crossed at the ankles, a glass of water on my hand contemplating the next chapter of my life. I hadn't cried, wept or shed a single tear over finding my husband on top of his secretary. Maybe it would come later, but at the time I was in control of my emotions, the anger I felt motivated me to make the decision that needed to be made. I made a decision to leave my husband, my marriage and everything else that came with it. Give him back his single-hood card so he can have s*x with whoever he wanted because clearly I wasn't enough and neither would staying married to him gain me anything but self-loathing and insecurity, and I refuse to be such kind of a woman. I wanted a divorce. I wanted him out of my life and I would have flown a millions of miles to be in separate continents with him if I could, but for now, I would settle for different cities. I took a sip of water and I almost spit it out on the kitchen table but stopped myself, that would have been unhygienic and a little disgusting. The water was too cold and my throat felt a bit smaller than usual. I placed the glass on the sink but continued to stand there. Looking around at the house that I had come to love. I stared at the stairs that lead to the upstairs' bedrooms, the white rails that were always shining and devoid of dust, the expensive art that hang on the wall and the clock that had been a wedding gift from my best friend. It was the cheapest item in the living room and the one thing I wouldn't leave behind. I don't know how long I stood there, but by the time I decided to climb up and start packing, dusk was approaching. I packed a few of my clothes, shoes, academic testimonials which I knew I would need in the job market where I was headed as soon as I could leave my husband and his influence behind and all makeup. Everything else I left behind including my husband's name. After I was done packing, I walked to the living room, pulled the clock and put it in the small suitcase that stood next to the big one. Designer bags. These were among the first things I bought after I signed a major cook show three months ago with NBS. I had been excited and Luke took me out for dinner to celebrate. To my girl. He had said as he raised his wine glass, prompting me to do the same. He had been proud of me, I could see that from the expression on his face. I didn't understand why he would cheat on me. I hadn't seen any sign that he was unhappy. Our life together so far had been amazing, our s*x life explosive. Why would he jeopardize what we had for one moment of gratification unless it was more than that! What if he was in love with his secretary? What if he was in love with the both of us? Pulling my bags to the kitchen, I heard the front door open and my heart started thumping fast and loudly. God! This is it. I thought as I sighed, secretly afraid of the confrontation and the pain the separation would cause me. "Eden, where the hell are you" He boomed, his voiced barely disclosing what he had been doing a few months ago. "In the kitchen" I said calmly, going to stand by the sink again. I wanted to create a huge distance between us and I also wanted to be on my feet. Sitting would have been a disadvantage to me since Luke was over six feet tall. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" He asked as he spotted my packed bags by the door. His surprised face told me he hadn't imagined this scenario. "Out of your life" I said, smiling a little at him. I didn't want him to know how much pain I felt or how broken my heart was, so I put a brave face. I would break down later but not now. "You think I'm going to allow you to take half of my money because I kissed someone who wasn't you" "No, I don't think that" My calm voice seemed to piss him off, fisting his right hand, coming almost to where I was but stopped a few feet away. I stood still, my eyes fixed on his. His angry, mine calm and emotionless. I was holding unto my dear life counting minutes until I could leave this man and this house behind. "Then what do you want? Because there is no way in hell I'm giving you a penny if you leave me" "I want you to sign those papers. Nothing else" I pointed at the papers and his eyes moved, spotting the papers for the first time. "He looked at them, then at me, then back again. In disbelief. "Like I said, I'm not giving you a penny if you leave me" "I don't want anything. Not a single thing and that's include your name" "Oh please your cook show bears my name" He mocked, taunting me. "I know. I'm leaving it as well. I'm going to start a fresh, with my name. I want nothing that is attached to you" "You're serious? You're bailing out on our marriage from the first sign of trouble?" "No, I'm bailing out on a man who has an appetite for women who are not his wife and a marriage that shouldn't have happened in the first place" He reached out to the papers and started perusing through. Luke had an eidetic memory. He was a software developer, a lawyer among other things. He was a genius and he understood the divorce contract that my lawyer had drawn within that short time. "You really don't want anything" He said other than asked. "No I don't. You can keep your money and all the women you want. Please sign the papers" "No I won't. This is a marriage. You don't just get to wake up one morning and decide to scrap it out of your life like it never happened" "That is not what I'm doing, if that was the case I would have filed for an annulment but we both know this marriage has been consummated in every way there is" He smiled then, and for a second I was reminded of the man who had wooed me, dated me and finally married me in a small cozy ceremony that had resembled a fairy tale setting. "We never had a problem with that" He muttered. "And yet I wasn't enough for you" I replied "Sign the papers Luke" "Can't we talk about this? Why don't you give me the benefit of the doubt?" "Because I saw you. With my own eyes." "I'm not signing the papers" He asserted. "Fine, suite yourself but either way I'm leaving you" The moment I said that, I heard my phone ringing signaling my uber driver had arrived. "My uber is here" I said as I started to walk to the doorway where my luggage lay, looking abandoned. "You're not taking your car?" "No. You bought it and I promised myself I wasn't taking anything that came from you" I walked out of the house that had been my home for almost a year, with my bags on my back, stepping out in twilight to a future that was uncertain and a heart that was in pieces.