Letters to a Savage

My dearest love… It is my hope this letter reaches you before I part from this world forever. It is not the cold embrace of death I fear the most, but rather to spend an eternity without the touch of your hand…the sound of your voice…the softness of your lips as they gently press against mine. As I watch the sun crest over the horizon one last time, I cannot help but feel as though I have failed you…I have failed our boy…I have failed our people. I must admit…I am unaware whose blood soaks my hands at this very moment and drips like a faucet onto the imaginary parchment I have created in my mind. Does it belong to the man whose life I just took? Is it my own blood? Is it yours? Perhaps it does not matter at this point. I know that my life is now forfeit. When a man reaches his end, I suppose it conjures up feelings of how it all began. Do you remember when we first met, my love? I too had blood on my hands at the beginning, as I do now at the end. Do you remember? Of course you do. That was the first time you saved me, but it would not be the last. ▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪ It was autumn of 1519. September, I think…though I do not recall the exact day, as I did not know it back then either. Two years ago…two long and wonderful years since I first laid eyes on you. The water from the stream trickled across my outstretched fingertips. The bright crimson blood on my hands glistened in the light of the evening sun. The water cooled my broken body as I baked in the sweltering heat. I was at peace…true peace…the pain was no more. I accepted my fate that day on the edge of the riverbank as I rested face down on the rocks…the wound in my belly committing my blood to the river like cheap ale spilling from an overturned mug. I was ready to meet my God and part from this world. As the gentle stream washed the blood from my pale Spanish skin, I succumbed to its cold embrace. My heavy eyes wavered as the water flowed onto my body and into my soul. It wrapped around me like a mother swaddling her babe. Any fear I had before was now gone…vanishing like a whisper in the wind. My heart settled as its rhythm slowed. Death prepared to take me. As I glanced at the brightly colored leaves falling softly from the trees around me, I took comfort in knowing that the beauty of this world would not be extinguished with me. The gentle cawing of a great eagle entered my barely conscious mind. His cries grew louder…flooding my soul with his screams as he entered my vision. Was this an angel coming to take me home? Would I be carried from this world on the wings of one of God’s most magnificent creatures? The flight of the eagle concluded on a large rock in the middle of the stream. The majestic bird glared directly into my waning eyes. All I could do was stare back at him. In my mind, it seemed like a lifetime passed with our eyes never once breaking contact with each other. What was this indescribable bond I felt with this strange animal? It was as if I knew him in a previous life or shared an unknown experience with him. What was this creature? Who was he? What was happening to me? My mind surely played tricks on me that day on the riverbank. The eagle finally broke his glance with me after what felt like an eternity. He abruptly turned his head downstream. Something…or someone…had caught his attention. While I was intrigued by what caused him to turn away from me, I was too weak to follow his gaze. The creature maintained his posture for a brief moment, staring hard downstream. Unless my eyes deceived me, I swear I saw a single tear flow down his face…although my proximity to death certainly clouded my judgment. The grand eagle then perked his wings up and lifted himself off the rock. He ascended into the air as I watched him fly towards the setting sun. I admit I was surprised. I was sure the eagle was there to take me from this world, but it was not to be as he faded from view over the tree line.  Suddenly, another sound entered my subconscious. It was calming…so very calming. The cawing of the eagle had brought me peace and acceptance, but this was different. This sound was pure…divine. It was the most beautiful noise that had ever entered my young ears. In all my days, I had never heard something so marvelous and awe-inspiring. I thought that perhaps this was due to me being on death’s doorstep and somehow my sense of beauty had been altered…or maybe…just maybe…death had already welcomed my soul into its clutches. Regardless of whether I had already passed or was still clinging to life, I was content…more than content. I was…happy. Peace engulfed my body and mind, and I had this incredible sound to thank for it. I was still unaware of what it was, though. As time passed and my mind synchronized with the sound flowing through my ears, I soon discovered the true identity of this astonishing noise. It was a song. A song? How could this be? Here I was lying face down on the banks of this distant river on the edge of the world that would surely serve as my final resting place, and yet, a beautiful melody streamed through my ears and into my soul. The words of the song escaped me, but it was not the lyrics that drew my attention. Rather, it was the voice from which the words flowed…the voice of a woman…the voice of a goddess…your voice, my love. Motionless and free of pain, I thought how this magnificent melody must be resonating from the real angel of death. Much like I did with the arrival of the eagle, I once again accepted that death had found me and that I would be released from my battered body at any moment. So, I waited…and waited…and waited some more. The purity of your voice continued to echo through my mind, but my soul remained bonded with my body. While I still basked in the melodic elegance of your tune, a sense of impatience grew within me. I was ready to die. I was ready to exit this world and move on to the next. This release continued to elude me, though. I then realized that your voice was not coming from inside my mind. It was not all-encompassing like I had previously thought. Instead, I identified the direction from which the words emitted. It was the same direction that the eagle had turned his attention towards before flying away. I knew I must investigate this mysterious song, my love…I had to know where it came from. To do so, however, I was going to have to move my frail body, something of which I had not attempted since the roaring rapids upstream had sent me careening through the water towards my resting place. I slowly turned my head and removed my cheek from the damp ground. My nose lightly grazed the small pebbles on the riverbank as I raised my face a few inches from the surface of the earth. So far, so good up to that point. I decided to lift my body up gradually, but as soon as I attempted this, the pain that had subsided now rushed back intensely. I grimaced and placed my body back on the ground. It was now clear to me that, due to the pain I once again felt, my mind and body still possessed life. I tried once again to set my eyes upon the source of this majestic voice that was still engaged in song, but this time, I knew it was pointless to try to remove my body from the ground. It would have required too much effort, and I was in too much pain to do so. I instead chose to lift only my head and leave my body stationary. This time, I raised my head even further than before and peered downstream. In front of me sat a large rock with grass and weeds protruding from the top. It clouded my vision, but I was able to make out your figure through the brush not far from where I laid. As my eyes adjusted and my sight became clearer, my heart felt like it skipped a beat and pounded in my chest. The source of the song was perhaps even more elegant than the voice from which it came. You stood before me, my love…a young native woman bathing nude in the stream as it submerged your body from the waist down. Your hands rang out the water from your long, black hair that ran down your shoulder and back. I gazed in wonderment on the dark tan complexion of your skin and the perfection of your naked body. The water gently trickled down your exposed breasts and shimmered in the sunlight. I had never before set my eyes upon a sight as perfect as this one. The eroticism and excitement of what I felt was only eclipsed by your purity and innocence. I was unable to interpret whether you were Aztec, Tlaxcalan, or a member of some other native tribe. This was irrelevant, though, as your grace and beauty were the only thoughts filling my entranced mind. When my brain slowly emerged from this hypnotic trance you had cast upon me, I remembered the predicament that still loomed over me. While your body was the epitome of perfection in my eyes, my body was broken and dying. Fearing that you may leave at any moment, I knew I had to alert you to my presence, and I had to do it with haste. You were unlikely to notice me on your own since there was a fair number of rocks and brush blocking me from your view. I let out a desperate cry for help and shouted as loudly as possible, but the only sound that came from my vocal cords was a weak murmur that was not even loud enough to be heard over the soft noise of the flowing stream. The stab wound in my belly along with the turmoil of aimlessly being slung through the river rapids had taken a significant toll on my body. I panicked when I realized my voice would not carry far enough for you to hear me. I tried once again to call out to you, but I failed this time as well. When it seemed like all hope was on the verge of being lost, a clever idea entered my mind. I studied the direction of the river’s current and realized that the water flowed downstream from my location to yours. This would be my way of getting your attention, my love. But how? You continued to sing and bathe yourself while I contemplated my next action. I moved my arm from its resting position and endured the pain that came along with it. I placed my hand further into the water to see if any more blood could be removed from it. I thought that if I could send my blood into the current, then maybe you would see it. Unfortunately, most of the blood from my hand had already flowed into the river, and there just wasn’t enough for you to notice. With yet another painful grimace, I lifted my body off the ground with all my might. I thrust myself sideways and dipped my torso into the water. My face rested just above the water as most of my body became submerged. Much to my relative delight, blood gushed from my wound. This time, the water was unable to dilute the blood as it made its way downstream. I waited patiently as the crystal clear surface of the water turned dark red. I still heard you singing, and I prayed that you would soon notice the blood flowing towards you. Another moment passed with no change. I feared that my plan had not worked and that there wasn’t enough blood in the water. If you had not seen it, I would have surely perished on the bank of that river. This was my last chance, and it was quickly slipping away from me.                                                                           Suddenly, the song that rang delicately through my ears stopped. Your voice trailed off and was replaced by an audible gasp. Other than the cawing birds and the flowing water, silence engulfed the air. My eyes widened. I turned my head upwards to see you, but the rocks still blocked most of my vision. The silence was replaced by motion in the water. You seemed to be moving in the opposite direction as I heard you exit the water on the other side of the river. What were you doing, my love? Had you fled in fear? Was this the end for me? Your footsteps trampled through the water once more. This time, the sound of them echoed louder and louder with each new step. My heart pounded as I laid helplessly on the river’s edge. You waded through the deeper part of the water and followed the trail of blood before making your way slowly to my side of the river. This was it. I had no idea what to expect. I was left to your mercy. You now stood only a few paces from the large rock that separated us. You reached the edge of the rock and cautiously peered around it. With your hand firmly clutching a small dagger, you gazed upon my broken body and let out another startled gasp. What was the first thing you said to me, darling? Ahh yes… “Stay back!!!” you shouted frantically in your native Nahuatl language as you shook your dagger at me. I did not understand the words, but I could read your expressions. I have no doubt that your firm yet innocent threats would have struck a mighty fear in my heart had I not been on the verge of death already. I can smile about it now, but I was not smiling then. Even as you threatened me with your blade, that was the moment I fell in love with you…the moment we became bonded for life. I made no movement or sound, but I looked straight into your eyes as you continued to point the dagger at me. You calmed yourself and stared back at me. Our gazes were long and intense. You knew of the pale-skinned intruders who had come to invade your people’s land, but you had never actually seen one for yourself…until now. You had always heard tales of our large metal breastplates and swords, but I possessed no such items. I wore a simple tunic and trousers, and I had no weapons with which to harm you.         You quickly noticed the poor condition of my body. I continued to bleed profusely into the water, and my face was pale and distressed. In this moment, you realized how futile it was to guard yourself from me. You saw that I was no threat to you, especially in my current state. Your fear slowly turned to sympathy as you lowered your dagger and pondered your next move. Through my unbearable pain I managed to muster two pitiful words. “H-h-help…m-m-me,” I begged to you in the Spanish language. The desperation in my waning voice was clear. You hesitated briefly but not for long. You took a small step forward through the water and maintained your caution as you inched closer and closer to me. You stopped when your feet reached the tip of my outstretched hand in the water. You knelt beside me…still nervous but feeling a sense of comfort as we continued staring into each other’s eyes. Still motionless on the ground, I felt your soft touch as you clasped my hand inside your own. My troubles faded from existence as your delicate hand contacted my course palms and fingertips. You then placed your other hand on my shoulder. With all your strength, you rolled me over onto my back while I grimaced in pain. You glanced upon the open wound in my abdomen and the blood emerging from it. I looked up at you as you hovered over me. I still remember like it was mere moments ago, my love. Your beauty transcended any sight that had ever flashed across my vision. Even in this most unfortunate situation, my heart had never felt a wave of passion such as this one. You were pure, untainted perfection.      Your voice rang out to me once more. Much like before, it filled my ears with sheer bliss and ecstasy. “I will take care of you,” you said gently in Nahuatl. Once again, I could not understand you, but your soothing tone calmed my spirits. I smiled softly at you. It was the first time I had expressed joy on my face in quite some time. “W-w-what is your n-n-name?” I mumbled. My words were unclear to you as a look of confusion ran across your face. I raised my arm through the discomfort and pointed a finger at myself. “R-R-Rodrigo,” I stammered, informing you of my name.  You smiled back at me, placed your hand across your chest, and muttered the name that would forever remain in my heart. “Atzi.”