Binded to his love

I was five years old when I broke the United States Navy. It wasn’t on purpose. "Class, today we draw boats," Mrs. Delgado said, clapping her hands in our kindergarten room in Brooklyn. "The best boat wins a gold star." I stared at my blank paper. A boat. Like the ones in the bathtub? That was baby stuff. I wanted mine to be the best. So I raised my hand. "Can I use the computer to draw mine?" Mrs. Delgado smiled. "she was shocked on how agile a 5 year old was with computers she didn't usually agree for others but would do anything to make me happy because of my parents My name is Avenida. Like the street. My parents said it meant "big dreams." I sat at the classroom iPad and typed: 'best ship designs . The first results were some boring sites. The second one had a little lock on it. I was bored with the other site so I went to the one with locks And locks are just puzzles which I love Ten minutes later I wasn’t looking at pictures anymore. I was inside. Blue screens. Maps. Coordinates. Words like 'classified' and 'USS'. "Whoa," I whispered. "This is a real boat." That’s when the door burst open. Two men in dark jackets. One lady with a badge. My teacher went pale. "Is this her?" the lady asked, pointing at me. I was still holding the crayon. Blue. For the ocean. I didn’t cry. Crying was for kids who did wrong things and I didn't do anything wrong Interrogation Room* The police station smelled like coffee and old chairs. I sat on a chair that was too big. My feet didn’t touch the floor. The crayon was still in my hand. Blue. A lady officer sat across from me. She had kind eyes but a serious mouth. "Avenida," she said. "Do you know why you’re here?" I nodded. "Because my boat was too good." She blinked. Then almost smiled. "Do you know what a classified server is?" "No," I said honestly. "Is it like Google but harder?" Behind the glass, I could see Dad pacing. Mom had her hand over her mouth. The officer sighed. "Sweetie, you can’t just go into government computers. Even to look at boats." "But Mrs. Delgado said best boat wins," I said. "And the pictures online were dumb. I wanted to see a real one." She looked at me for a long time. Then she stood up and turned to my parents. "We’re not charging her, but young lady try not to enter any websites with government privacy locks or we'll have no choice but to detain you" I nodded and heard her tell my parents. "She’s five. And gifted. She needs supervision, not jail." On the ride home, Dad finally talked. "Avenida, from now on, you ask before you click anything with a lock." "Okay," I said. Mom turned around from the front seat. "And no more hacking the Navy for art projects." I nodded. Then, very small: "Did I still get the gold star?" That night, Pixel slept on my bed. I didn’t sleep. I kept thinking: _If being smart gets people mad, then maybe I shouldn't be so smart... but being smart is the only reason why dad and mom even look at me By second grade, everyone at P.S. 118 knew my name. Not because of the Navy thing. That got buried. Because I was... too much. I tested at the top of every test without studying. IQ 250, the psychologist told my parents in a whisper. I ran the fastest in gym. I played piano at the winter concert and people clapped too long, I was gifted with a special ear for music that made all instruments easy to play. At ballet I always got lead and every teacher sang my praise and I only ever did it to make mom and dad happy but the began caring less and expecting more My parents bought a new brownstone in Park Slope. We had a dog walker. The other kids called me "rich snob." "Snob" because I answered questions. "Rich" because of the brownstone. At lunch I sat alone. I had a thermos of hot chocolate, a book about space and music. I wasn’t mean. I just didn’t know how to start talking. "Why is she even here?" a girl whispered behind me. "She thinks she’s better." I wasn’t better. I was just lonely. My only friends were books. And music And the internet. And my dog, Pixel. But I had a bream of being a street dancer everyone loved them so people would love her as well. #### *Keivo* I met him in third grade. I was 5 when we met, he was 9. He was in the after-school program because it was cheaper and his older brother worked late. I was sitting under the slide, reading, when three boys from 4th grade circled me. "Hey genius," one said. "Solve this." He threw my book in the dirt. I didn’t move. If I cried, they’d win.and being bullied most of the time she knew if they win they'd come back for more. Then a shadow covered me. "Leave her alone." His voice was low and steady. He was tall, with a hoodie that was too big and sneakers with holes. "Or what?" the boy laughed. "Or I tell Coach," the boy said. "And my brother." They left. He picked up my book. Wiped the dirt off with his sleeve. "You okay?" I nodded. "I’m Avenida." "I know. Everyone knows you." He half-smiled. "I’m Keivo." From that day, he waited for me after class. He walked me to the bus. He sat next to me at lunch sometimes and told me about basketball and his little sister. He didn’t care that I was "smart." He didn’t care about the brownstone. He just talked to me like I was normal. For the first time, I was. it was stupid cause I was just 5 but I'd fallen in love at first sight and my goal was to become worthy of his love *. *. * The summer I turned 10, everything changed. I came home and there was an envelope on the kitchen table. Thick. Gold seal. "England," Mom said quietly. "St. Margaret’s all girls Boarding School." Dad wouldn’t look at me. "It’s the best for you, Avi. Less... distractions. More challenge." lie. he was doing this because I said I wanted to be a dancer For two weeks I was numb. I packed. I didn’t tell Keivo. What was I supposed to say? "I’m leaving and I’m scared and I don’t want to go"? If I said it out loud, I’d fall apart. The night before my flight, I stood outside his building in Bushwick. His window was open. I could hear his sister laughing. I turned around and went home. At the airport, Mom squeezed my hand. "You’ll make new friends." I nodded. l believed As the plane lifted over New York, I pressed my forehead to the window. Somewhere down there, Keivo was probably at the court, shooting hoops. And I was leaving without goodbye. England was 6 hours ahead. And I was a long way from home "Bye, Keivo."I whispered looking at the bracelet he gave me Outside the window, New York got smaller. And I was flying away from the only person who ever made me feel normal Mom said it on the plane to London. "St. Margaret’s will be different, baby. All girls. All smart. No one will bully you there. You’ll make real friends." I believed her. I really did. *The Colors* St. Margaret’s looked like a castle. Stone towers, ivy, girls in navy blazers laughing in groups. For the first three days, the world had color again. My roommates were Clara and Elise. Both 12. Both from money. "Hi, I’m Avenida," I said, holding out my hand. Clara looked at my hand like it was dirty. "You’re the American? The one who skipped two grades?" "Great," Elise said. "Another genius." I told myself they were just shy. On Friday of my first week, Headmistress Cole called me to her office. "Your test scores, Avenida. They’re... unprecedented." "We’d like to move you to ks4" I was 10. kS4 girls were 14 and 15. "But I just got here," I said. "It’s for your benefit," she said. "A mind like yours shouldn’t be bored." I called Mom that night. "They want to promote me." "That’s wonderful!" she said. "See? I told you. You’ll do great things." She hung up immediately and I stared at the grey walls. KS4 was worse than P.S. 118. Here, everyone was rich. Everyone was talented.it was a bunch of obnoxious spoiled brats So they didn’t bully me for being smart. They bullied me for being 4 years younger. "Goody-two-shoes," Clara whispered in the dorm. "Teacher’s pet." "Why are you even here?" Elise said. "Go play with dolls." There was no Keivo this time. No one to say "leave her alone." So I did what I always did. I worked harder. I won the math competition. Got best grades on quantum physics I played piano at assembly and got a standing ovation. I became "Little Miss Perfect" in Year 1. By Year 2, they called me "Ice Queen." The colors drained out of everything. The sky was grey. The food was grey. My days were grey. Why! Thanksgiving for my 1st year came. I packed my little suitcase. " Dad we close tomorrow and you haven't sent my plain ticket?" Dad’s voice was tight. "Avi, we can’t. Work. And... your mother and I are... dealing with some things. So you'll stay in your dorm for this holiday" I was a burden already not wanting to stress them more so I just accepted Christmas holiday came. Same answer. "I’m sorry, baby," Mom said. Then her voice cracked. "We’re just so busy." "But it’s Christmas," I whispered. "Don’t be ungrateful, Avenida. We’re giving you everything." The call dropped before I could say "I miss you." I curled up on my bed, bracelet wrapped twice around my wrist the same bracelet keivo gave me on my 10th birthday. _Next holiday,_ I promised. _Next holiday I’ll see you Keivo._ Summer break came. Same thing. "I got 1st in the country in physics," I told Dad on the phone. "Good," he said. "Now focus on university applications." He didn’t ask about my birthday. He didn’t ask if I was lonely. #### *3 Years Later* I was 13. I had skipped so many grades that I was in Year 13. I was 5 years younger than everyone. At home, my baby pictures were still on the wall. All of them in blue. In little suits. In boy haircuts. Aunt Linda once said at dinner: "They wanted a boy, you know. Thomas Aven the Third." No one corrected her. So I became perfect. If I was perfect enough, maybe they’d want me. If I was perfect enough, they'd love me. #### *The Gift* Two weeks before December, an email came. From Mom. Avenida, Your father and I want you to come home this timebfor 4 days. Flight booked. Dec 21. Love, Mom' I read it 12 times. Four days. Home. New York. Keivo. My eyes burned. I hadn’t cried in 3 years. On the plane, I wore the bracelet. I rubbed it like I did before every test cause it was my lucky charm. The flight attendant smiled. "First time home in a while?" I nodded. My throat was too tight for words. The plane started to descend. Through the window, I saw it. Lights. Buildings. The Hudson River. Brooklyn. Fresh air was waiting for me on the other side of that door. Even if it was only for 4 days. Even if nothing was the same. I was going home. And the only person I could think of was Keivo