Too Close, Too Fast

Bad Timing

Kirstie

Of course he called! Not right away but still - he called... If you want a guy to call you, he never does. And if you don’t… well, I think you can guess what I mean. Maybe I am even a little flattered he remembered me and honestly, who can blame him that he wants an explanation, why I disappeared after the night we had.

Yeah, maybe he would like another adventure and honestly – I really want it too. But too bad  - that can’t happen. It was a mistake that never should have happened in the first place, so I am definitely not gonna repeat it. That’s why I didn’t answer when he called… And I won’t! I MUSTN’T! I am never gonna see him again….

He texted me: “Hey, what’s up? Can I C U sometime?” He sent it around ten pm. (Typical for guys!)

I didn’t reply even though it was pretty hard. But I just hope he will take a hint – sure, I mean, he will probably forget about me in a few days, right? And move on to somebody else… Ok, ok, I don’t have to put these images in my mind. I will just relax and wait till he gives up... hopefully very soon. Meanwhile I try to at least respond to texts from Will. I keep telling him that I have a lot of work to do before the fashion show (partly true, especially now when Carrie it away and I have all the responsibility) and he understands. Of course he does – he respects me, supports my decisions and trusts me completely. Shoot, he is an angel. And I? I can’t even look at myself right now.

***

Nick

Still haven’t heard from Kirstie. I tried calling and texting but nothing. I even wanted to look for her on f*******: – you know, try little digging – after all I am still a cop. But the problem is – she didn’t even tell me her last name… So, I gave up. I mean, I could track her down with her phone If I wanted, guys at the station would help me with it. But that does seem a little desperate, doesn’t it?

It’s weird, me chasing a girl like that. I haven’t done that in a while… or maybe never. Usually it’s the other way around – I leave the bed after s*x early, I sneak out and I ignore the girls trying to figure out what’s wrong. Or if we do it at my place, I just tell them I have to get up and go to work early… And then I don’t call them or anything.

So, that probably means Kirstie’s ignoring me on purpose. I don’t like to admit it but it’s possible I screwed something up. But the weird thing is – I have no idea what. Sometimes I can assume it but not this time – if she’s pissed, she could just tell me why… but that’s really not women’s style. Ok, maybe she just didn’t like the night we had – but that is just high unlikely. Based on what I saw, heard and even felt – she enjoyed every second of it - just as much as I did. So why not do it again?

Oh god, I don’t understand it at all. Heck, who can understand women, right? Definitely not me! I am not even trying to get their logic because that is just impossible. And I should know… I’ve met A LOT of women. And I slept with a bunch of them too. And what about love, you ask? That’s the tricky part. If I’m being completely honest – I loved…once. Yes, that’s it – I am 37 years old but I still loved only one woman – my first love or as you could say - my high school sweetheart, Jasmine. The most beautiful woman ever – she also had long blonde hair (I guess I have a type after all) but really really light blonde and curly a little. And big eyes like a kid on Christmas morning. Always smiling, not a single worry – of course only before she met me. I am trouble… But I think we were pretty happy for a while. Or at least I hope we were. She used to me my everything – my whole world. My first kiss was with her, my first s*x too. Jasmine was the first and only woman I loved and married. We got married very young and started a family almost instantly. I thought I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her and also our kids… I am sorry, I can’t talk about them – it just hurts too much…

What happened? Long story short, I was young, stupid, reckless and irresponsible. I cheated and lied… And then? Let’s just say everything went down the drain really fast and it got preeetty crazy for a while too. If I could turn back time… everything would be different. But I was an i***t and this is my punishment for it. I have to live with all the mistakes I’ve made. Everything is long gone…

That reminds me I should really go visit Jasmine. I haven’t been there for a while. Ok, tomorrow I am gonna buy some nice flowers and go there. I just hope I won’t run into her parents. (But it’s quite unlikely – I know they go there every weekend but not during the week.) I just couldn’t face them.  Her mum looks so much Jasmine her and her father? He would probably beat me up again. And who could blame him? It’s all my fault and I know it.

***

Kirstie

Seriously, can you believe my “luck”? I was totally determined never to see Nick again or talk to him. Plus I wanted to be a better girlfriend and call William. But before that I needed to do one thing first – something to ease my mind. I wanted to tell someone what a terrible thing I’ve done but at the same time I was worried that everybody would just judge me – heck, I would judge myself, if it was the other way around.

Then I remembered my dad. He used to be there for me whenever I needed him the most – even in the times him and mum didn’t quite get along or after their divorce. Whenever I called him or visited him here in NYC, he seemed glad to see me and helped me with everything. He would understand me for sure… That’s why I decided to go to the cemetery. It won’t be the same, that’s certain, but I can still visit his grave and get all this off my chest. I know – he can’t answer me or help me in any way but it still better than nothing.

At least I thought so. And guess what? It helped a little but maybe I just had a bad timing… Or it was some kind of crazy destiny? Was it karma or something? I don’t know, I guess it could be just a coincidence. I ran into Nick!

Yeah… I was already leaving when I noticed him – he was quite far away from me, on his knees right next to a grave – and very a beautiful one, with a lot of flowers and bunch of photos. That was clear to me, even from the distance (but I couldn’t read the names or any details). First I was ashamed that my dad’s grave is not that well-kept and told myself off quietly for that. I promised myself that since I am staying in New York now, I will come here more often and take care of the place so it doesn’t look like poor daddy didn’t have anyone who would care about him.

Then I realized I am acting crazy – standing in the middle of cemetery, staring at Nick, who has also obviously lost somebody. I wasn’t sure but it kinda seemed like he was even wiping a tear. ‘Oh my God, stop staring at him! You didn’t want to see him, so leave him alone for God’s sake, Kirstie!’

I bent my head down and tried to leave – but guess what? My sudden movement got his attention! “Kirstie?” I heard him calling to me and it was clear he was as surprised to see me here as I was before. I didn’t know what to do – surely you don’t want to chat on cemetery with the one person you are trying to avoid all week, right?

I waved at him a little nervously and awkwardly and I gestured a little so he would understand that I am leaving. But I am too slow because after two or three steps -he was just next to me. “Hi, hi! Glad to see you’re alive and well, since you are not answering my calls or texts,” he said…Ok, heavy stuff, right from the start there, mister?

Truth is, he didn’t actually seem angry or annoyed with me, just relieved. Maybe he WAS really worried… I didn’t want to get into it, so I tried turning it all into a joke. “Hi Nick, don’t you think this comment is a little inappropriate… here?” I looked around the cemetery and he smiled a little. “Yeah, probably, it didn’t occur to me before…” Then he got all serious again and apologized he was being insensitive. Well, I didn’t expect that but told him he shouldn’t worry about it since it was just a little joke from me.

“So, do you have a minute for me? Or am I bothering you?” He gave me one really nice smile and after that - every good intention I had, just started melting instantly. How could I say no?! And to those big blue watery eyes? Plus, he probably had a lot on his own plate right now if he was mourning here… so who am I to add to his pain?

Maybe  I should just give him a five more minutes of my life and explain that I am not interested and he should move on…

***

Nick

Ok, that was close. I met Kirstie while I was visiting the grave… I am just glad she didn’t come across it. I really can’t let her know what happened – no, that’s just impossible.

Luckily it seemed she didn’t see anything. I went after her quickly and tried to turn her attention elsewhere – actually anywhere but the grave. She agreed to have a quick coffee with me. Cool. She wasn’t very happy to see me, so that coffee will probably be the end of this.

Yeah, it sucks but maybe it’s for the better. I don’t want her to find out about my past. What was I even thinking? I don’t deserve to be happy.