Too Close, Too Fast

Someone From the Past

Vanessa

September 21

I’ve been waiting around Nick’s place for hours. I am just glad I took my jacket, it’s starting to get chilly. Last week was like summer but now the weather is changing. I guess the winter will come soon this year – that means I have to start acting…soon. I can’t spend hours waiting outside in the winter – I would freeze to death.

Nick probably had a free day today because he didn’t even go work…  He’s acting really weird lately - after work he usually goes for a drink with friends or for a date with a woman, sometimes even goes to the bowling alley or to the gym to work out. But now he just goes home and never leaves…

 I was actually starting to worry about him a little because I thought he is depressed or unhappy. Of course I don’t want him to feel like that but it would suit my plan to get to near him more. I want to comfort him and be there for him. I want to cuddle with him during the night and kiss him on his cheek before he leaves for work.

But that’s just not gonna happen now! He totally let me down again. Today I found out why he was so aloof these last few days – yes, you guessed it – he found ANOTHER SKANK! I saw them together and I just have to say it first – she’s perfectly beautiful and I HATE HER! Who does she think she is? Trying to steal my man? Oh girl, you are not the first one who tried to pull this stunt. Heck, maybe you are not even the last one. But I will never give up on Nick. NEVER!

Breathe, Vanessa, just breathe… Calm yourself down. You can’t have these tantrums, or you will go back to that awful clinic. I know you don’t want that, so try to remain calm and write about this day like it does not have to do anything with you or your plan. Starting…now -

At 15:09 he left his flat and got into that Ford of his. At first I couldn’t get a taxi and I thought I l lost him – but something just told me where he was going – to the New York Marble Cemetery. He always went there by car – that was probably because he needed to be alone when he visited the grave of his family – oh, Nick is so sweet and nostalgic. I know it’s been so hard on him to go there but he would never bail on his family. He still clearly loves them very much… I know, I shouldn’t be jealous of his dead wife and kids. But I just wish he would finally understand that I am his soulmate and the only woman who will make him completely happy. He should forget about those losers and all the other girls – especially this new one. She really seems like a threat. She was even in the same cemetery as Nick… weird coincidence, hm? Or is she following him? Hey, that’s my job…

I couldn’t get too close to Nick on the cemetery because I am not ready yet to start my plan and I really want to pick a better place for him to notice me. So I don’t exactly know what that tall b***h was doing there. But I saw them smiling and talking – and then leaving TOGETHER. At first I was really angry that Nick is picking up women even in sacred places like cemeteries. But I kept my distance and followed them to café Cuillère. They walked there. I know it’s not far – but since when is Nick taking a girl for a walk? That’s not like him…

I waited outside for a while but still through the window I was able to see how Nick was helping her to take off her beige trench coat – maybe Burberry? She was wearing only light dress under it – she had to be freezing but I guess the look was more important to her then weather. Such a sl…I won’t say it, I am a lady after all.  Yes, the dress was quite revaling – it had cleavage and everything. Of course Nick had that wild look in his eyes – he was picturing her naked…Then that little smirk on his face and she was a little… embarrassed? That seemed to me like they already had s*x together. He even pulled the chair for her – such a gentleman… quite unusual for him. He has never done it for me… What a jerk!

Then he took off his coat – that elegant black wool jacket with faux-shearling collar. Under it he had his favorite light blue shirt and of course a pair of dark jeans. He hates all formal clothes and especially trousers, so I think he would wear jeans even to his own grave, if it was up to him. They sat at the table in the right corner of the café and when they ordered, I decided it was the time for me to go inside, without the risk of being too suspicious. I chose a table next to them and buried my face in a menu. I knew it was pointless since Nick doesn’t know how I look like now and that ‘sweetheart’ of his does not even know me (yet!) … I just didn’t want to attract Nick’s attention so he wouldn’t know I am stalking him… But you know what? I could probably dance around naked and it wouldn’t even matter to him. He was constantly staring at that blonde girl. And what’s weird (and dangerous for my plan), he was looking into her eyes! No checking up the body, not even the occasional “looksie” on her breasts. I mean, what happened to Nick I know?

Once I was near them, I could easily overhear the rest of their conversation. I remember that the first sentence I heard was: “…worried after you left, that’s all.” That was Nick by the way and the girl wriggled a little, before answering: “Yeah… I am really sorry I did that. You know, sneak up like that and then the silence treatment. Truth is, I am terribly embarrassed and ashamed, so I thought I could handle it better if I never saw you again.” That really triggered my imagination – what could have happened between them that she is ‘ashamed’? Probably some weird s*x stuff but I don’t want to picture that! By the way, her stupid answer also made me think that they know each other for a while. This wasn’t ‘the first date talk’. They must have met when I wasn’t ‘watching over’ Nick. I wish I could be with him every moment of our lives but even I have to work sometimes, so I could afford my apartment and some clothes and makeup. (Because I need to look really beautiful for Nick).

But back to the conversation in the café… Nick seemed to be as surprised as me. “What do you mean, Kirstie? Why would you be embarrassed… or ashamed? Was it something we did the other night?” You see? They really did it, I was right. And Kirstie? What a stupid name… Mine is so much better. Even the new one.

“No, no, everything was great with you… and that’s part of the problem. You know, you will probably hate me for what I am about to say – just please don’t judge me too harshly. Truth is,…”

‘Oh my god, I am such a drama queen, right? Just say it for god’sake!’  I thought. “…I am in a relationship with someone else. It’s quite serious but he’s in London and… ok, I shouldn’t be looking for excuses. I cheated on him and trust me – I have never done anything like that. That’s the reason I am so miserable and that’s why I’ve trying to avoid you. I didn’t want to admit the truth because I am a coward and also because you are a great guy and it wasn’t fair to you either.” Blah blah blah… I knew she was a w**re. And there you go – sleeping around with my man when she has a boyfriend or whoever in London. Shame on her!

But Nick had a different view on a situation: “Ok, heavy stuff… I think I need to process this a little.’ He started like that but after a short while he told her it was okay. Basically… Can you believe that???  “Hey, but first – you don’t have to feel bad about it. I mean, you probably should, if you care about that boyfriend of yours. But I meant - on my behalf? Don’t worry about me… I am fine. These things happen.” She couldn’t believe it either and started apologizing to him. “You must hate me now.” She put her head in her hands.

“Oh, come on, of course not! Why would I hate you? Or judge you, in any way? Trust me, I am far worse than you,” Nick consoled her and even took her hands into his. I had to hold onto my menu because I suddenly felt a strong urge to jump on them and rip them apart. “What do you mean?” she asked and he looked at her with the most tragic look in his eyes. “I really can’t explain but let’s just say I have done much more awful things than you. I’ve never been able to be faithful in a relationship – most of my romances ended because I had hooked up with another woman and the affair came to light.”

“Truth is I'm a terrible person, so don't worry about ME judging YOU.” Poor Little Nicky, blaming himself for everything… But I know it's not his fault. He just wasn’t with the right woman yet - that's all. He would be faithful with me, I'm sure… (And I would make sure of that!) But that's not the point. Kirstie looked at him, at first a bit surprised, then she was relieved…a lot. “And I guess you don't want to tell me about your past, right?” she asked, just to be sure. I bet she wasn't even interested in his life…

Nick chuckled a little bit. “Definitely not. And you probably don't need to share with me your problems with the other guy, Am I right?” She nodded and started to be more relaxed around him. They drank their coffees, joked and talked about normal things. I will skip this part because I don't want to throw up. They were so sweet together - It was really hard for me to just sit there and listen to their yapping. Finally they got their check, of course Nick paid for both of them. He helped Kirstie with her coat and said:  “I am glad you told me everything. I get it now and I won’t bother you, if you don’t want to see me anymore. Just promise to ring me, if you change your mind or you break up with the other guy. Not that I would wish that or anything…”

She smiled at him and answered with okay.” …Or you could call me anytime and we can hang out as friends. Today was fine and if I'm being honest, I don't have a lot of friends – I mean good friends. You are really great girl and I really like talking to you. But you know, no pressure.” He winked, just the way only Nick can. But it worked, as always – she melted immediately. “Thanks for the nice offer - I do not know a lot of people here in New York. And I’ve had a pretty good time too. So… I will think about it.”

Then they left and even though I was following them, I couldn’t get so near to them anymore. It is a shame but I won't give up - I have to find the girl, find out more about her and make sure she won't become part of Nick' life.