The Billionaire’s Mistress

20

" Life seems problematical

Because we make it so

We're all listening to someone else

Without listening to ourselves

We cover our lifes with insignificant things that do not matter

I want to be what I want to be with no shame and hastI've cared about what people think of me for too long

Do I believe in trust?I'm human

My life feels in between this days and it limits me

I can say I am where you call rock bottom But still feel higher

How did I get myself into this mess I question Looks like my demons are awaken

Now I'm drowning It's like I'm falling into a pit of endless darkness

I'm tired

Broken inside for something I don't know But it's messing with my mind, f***s with my guards

I keep talking in silence like what is the use of words when one can't hear

When I found you I thought I found infinty But you f****d with me, now run for your life

I'll be crazy with you I will make you cry

It is crazy how we all think we are good people forgetting the demons we got inside. I could be at my worst and nobody notices it

My personality confuses people

I read the energy around me and adjust. I felt attached to this words like I wrote them myself.I thought of the kind of man I needed in my life and I said to myself.

" I've been asked this question several times without really meaning it or wanting to know my answer sincerely. I've not really thought deep about this question and it's one of the most difficult. What do I really want... Well it's just to be happy and it's not really that easy. I could cut it short to that but what I really want is more.

I want a guy who will show me myself

I want him to love me so deeply that I'm not afraid to show him how ugly I can be.

I want him to show me scars I never knew

I had but I don't want him to make them go away

I want him to hold my hands as I nurse them myself and I want him to cherish the bruises the leave behind, also want a ride or die just someone who's always gonna love me no matter what, someone who's gonna hold my hands and never let go, he has to be special though because he'll be my legacy, I ain't gone bend the world so as long as my man remembers me that's all I need. And where do I see myself five years from now I asked myself" Most times being lonely isn't just in the physical... No one is an island I've been feeling some type of way lately"

"What do I want to be in five years" is a difficult question to answer because as soon as I start to figure out one thing something or someone changes and makes me question everything. And if I'm not sure what I am right now how could I possible really know what I want to be in five years. Life throws obstacles at you and expects you to roll over them without getting hurt. I then slept off over thinking how better my life could get knowing I still wanted to go to the university and get a degree and probably have my own company some day.

Lily was so worried about me I could tell, how I became distant from her, she keeps asking me about Cian and if I was okay.

Selena , I'm worried about you and Ihope it's not Cian again 'cause this time I'll hurt kick him in the balls if he ever does anything to you'' lily said to me .

'' Oh lily it's not him, he has moved on and he is engaged to this hot black model Rex'' I replied her laughing.

But you're still hurt I bet 'cause your childhood prince charming isn't going to be in your fairytale forever'' he said to me.

'' Well I guess it wasn't meant to be'' I said to her.

'' Instead of stay all day at home after work and going nowhere, girl you don't have any social life'' she said to me.

'' I do, I read books and the are inspiring you now it's helping me heal fast and I like it'' i said to Lily.

" Girl you need to go out more make new friends apart fom your collegues at work and me , gilr you need a man to you know turn every part of you on wait I've an idea today's saturday it's f*****g weekend we're so going clubbing and I don't care what you're gonna say it's a yes'' lily kept talk.

"Hey I don't do crowds and I don't even have any clohes for clubbing you know that'' i said to her.

"I've got you covered baby and about crowds we will walk on that'' he said as she stood up to walk inside her room to get find me some clothes to pick from.

Wait I heard something about engagement and Rex and you are coming with me to try clotheson just don't sit here'' shesaid to be with a deep voice.

"Yeah Rex is Cians finance '' I said.

God I've been looking for a model just like her for my fashion show, I really want to work with her'' she said to me, and I told her I could help her talk to Rex since she comes cover to Stonewell frequently and she's part of the models we use and she seems friendly.

I went into the room with Lily to try on the clothes she had picked out for me and then I got this short black dress the back was half open and I loved it so I picked it and Lily was so happy with me that I was trying to move on with my life and I guess I was ready to start my life afreash.

We went on to the club , got in piad for a table and sat down to drink, Lily was already a vibe when we got into the club and she new some girls who came over to sit on our table. The music was so loud and everyone was jumping and dancing both guys and girls, I didn't know how to dance so I just sat quietly thinking no one will notice me. So this tall guy putting on black from head to toe walked up to me and sat down next to me I knew his fce was familair but I couldn't recall were I've seen him.

" Coffee girl, sure you've forgotten about me'' he said to me.

" You're the bike guy right ?'' I asked him.

" Yup , and you're the coffee girl that refuses to tell her name'' he said to me

" Uhmm.... Mr south I'm sorry about that I was rushing to get my boss his coffe or I get fired so I couldn't spare a minute to tell my name'' i said to him.

" Surprise you still remember my name and , you know you'd have just shouted your name back so I don't look stupid'' he replied me.

" I'm so sorry I made you feel stupid'' I said to south.

"You know what to make me feel better I think you should shout your name out loud'' he said laughing and I just had to do it even though I knew it was hilarous.

" Selena Bush'' I said out loud , but thank God no one heard me and we both bursted into laughter and he teased my name then asked me if I still had my job and I told him how my boss knew I was five minutes twenty-three seconds late and everything just became funny we spoke some time and told me he was a mechanical engineer who had a workshop and he loved bikes, cats and hate fries which was so weird for a guy. He asked me to dance and I declined and he stood up to dance tell pull me up, he told me if I never wanted to come clubbing I should have stayed back home if I knew I wouldn't dance which sounded much better than the loud music shouting to talk and hard to heat when someone's talking to you. He noticed how shy I was and how bad my dance was so he gave me his cup of drink to take and I told him my head wasn't so strong for liquor andhe still insisted.

"If I take this you'll have to carry me back home and you won't like that'' I said to him and he asked me how I spent my teenagehood and I told him I didn't like crowds so I never attended parties only if he knew I spent most of it raising a child at seventeen. I asked to leave the club when I noticed LIly and her other friends had left.

" So you wanna leave so early bacuse your friends are gone, the night is still young Selen'' he just called me Selen with a sexy vioce oh my.

"Well I don't want to get drunk and won't know the way back home and secondly my friend just left with the house key and I guess I would be sleeping out'' I said to him and I was smiling at him and he told me I was already getting high to just four sips of vodka and a bottle of alcoholic wine, he kept laughing at me till we got out of the club he put me on the his power bike made sure I had helmet on and when he got to ride he made sure I held onto him so tight as he speed down the road I had no idea where we were going I kept quiet and enjoyed the braze that blew me.

I woke up the next day with a serious headache and smelling like vomit and I was in a strange house on a king size bed and in a mans shirt, I am so confused now then I heard a males voice in the bathroom taking a shower and singing I slowly came doen from the bed and walked towards the bathroom door and I saw South naked.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry for bumping into you like that in the bathroom didn't know you were naked and I wanted to know who was in here singing and where I was'' I said trying to close my eye and taking a step back into the large room, but South kept coming close to me with his naked body I wondered if he wasn't ashamed of being naked in front of me.