Becoming Luna

“I’m so sorry, honey.” Bailey said with tears beginning to fill her eyes. I knew something was wrong. She was trying to be strong for me, but her attempts to stay calm were failing. “Your parents were killed by hunters. Beta Eanir is in Critical condition. They are in route with…” the words from my mother’s closest friend fade away. I can see her mouth moving, but I couldn't focus on her words. Did she say parents? MY parents. “My mother?” I ask, cutting her off. With that question tears begin to stream down both of our faces. Silence fills the room, and she can't bring herself to speak. My breathing becomes shallow. “My mother, where is my mother?” I say once more, shaking. I can taste the salty tears that are running down my face. “I'm so sorry, honey.” she says, barely audible. If it wasn’t for my wolf hearing, I wouldn’t have heard her. “She didn’t make it.” she says as she lightly puts her hand on my shoulder to pull me in. The tiny bit of pressure is enough to make my knees feel like buckling. Just then, a messenger busts in my room and alerts us. “Ma’am, pardon my interruption. The beta is almost here and being taken to the pack doctor. He is asking for you.” with that, the messenger is running back out the door as quickly as he came. “Go to your husband.” I say as I wipe the tears from my eyes. I adjust my posture, so I am standing up straight. “Come with me.” she insists. Familiar silence fills the room again. I can’t make myself speak or move. I’m trying to put on a strong front. But even breathing at this moment is a chore. I can’t help but to think of how disappointed my father would be in my weakness right now. I want nothing more than to run to my mother for comfort. I will never have that opportunity again. “If you won’t come with me, go with one of the maids. You don’t need to be alone.” Bailey tells me in a motherly voice. I know she is trying to comfort me, but I can’t help but be annoyed. “Thank you, Miss Bailey, but I am OK, please go be with your husband. I will come and find you soon. I need a moment to collect my thoughts.” I say it so calmly, I almost convince myself. Perhaps I did learn a thing or two from my father. Never show weakness. The thought of being anything like my father makes me shiver with disgust. Bailey, not wanting to be alone either, asks if I’m certain. I give her a reassuring nod. I can’t help but to feel guilty. I should go and be with her. Mother really loved Bailey. She loved everyone, for that matter. She was the best Luna this pack has ever seen. Is she really gone? Bailey reluctantly turns to leave. Looking back with a slight frown on her face as she walks out. She finally leaves me standing there alone. I exhale heavily. I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath. Glad to be alone, I stay in the middle of my room. As I stare at the wall for what fills like eternity, the hole in my chest grows. I could not make myself understand what just happened. I finally will my legs to move and sit on the edge of my bed. The tears begin to engulf me again. Crashing to my cheeks like a raging sea. My inner wolf pushing to the surface. Rage begins filling my body. I’ve only had my wolf less than a year. I need to get myself under control. A new wolf and unchecked emotions could be detrimental to everyone. Especially one with my training. Father had demanded I trained daily with the warriors. I am the fastest and strongest she-wolf in our pack. Even with my young age. This did not come without loss. I have had no childhood. At 13, I have trained more than some of our warriors. Father never had his male pup. He also never tried to hide his dissatisfaction at me being a she-wolf. I think that’s why he pushed me so hard to train. I am snapped out of my thoughts by a loud commotion coming from downstairs. I can hear rushed footsteps and orders being called out for nurses to report. I force my body off the bed and to the hallway. It’s beta Eanir. He is covered in blood and being carried by two large warriors. His head hung in defeat. The entry room is filled with the pack’s medical staff. Everyone is rushing around talking at once. The room is bustling with commotion. Bailey has her son wrapped in a hug, crying. She gasped at the sight of her husband. Bailey rushes to his side, as a maid pulls her son Erik to another room. “I should go to him.” I think to myself. My concern for my childhood friend is suddenly overtaken by the scent of blood and dirt, as it fills the pack house. Then it hits me. The faint smell of my mother is on Eanir. Wild flowers and honey. I have always taken comfort in her scent. Beta looks at his wife. “I tried to save them, baby.” was all he could say before going into a coughing fit. I quickly realize my mother’s scent was lingering on him from fighting to save her. The blood covering him is not just his own. My stomach twists in a knot and I gag. I turn and run to my room, slamming the door so hard the walls shake. A photo of my friends and me on our first hunt, falls to the ground and the frame shatters. Sending glass all over my bedroom floor. Tears flowing, I lay in my bed and begin to weep. My body trembles and aches with each exhale of tears. I look to the window just above my bed. The moon is at waxing crescent. There is not a cloud in the sky. I am able to see the dark full tree move with the wind. It looks as though it is dancing in the yard. “Good night momma” I whisper as I cry myself into a restless sleep. The next morning around 7am, I am woken by Bailey coming to check on me. The smell of cinnamon rolls and coffee fill my room. “Hilde, honey, you should try to eat.” Bailey says gently. I do not move. Bailey sits the tray of food on the bedside table and sits beside me. I am laying on my stomach with my face buried in a pillow. “ Your mother and father have been recovered. Arrangements are being made. Einar is stable and healing fast now that the wolf’s bane is out of his system. He should be up and moving tomorrow.” She says before going silent. After a few moments, she tenderly asks, “Hilde, would you like to help make the arrangements for your parents? I can do it if you would like.” Funeral, the word cuts my soul and tears flood my eyes. I sit up in the middle of my large bed. Bailey’s blue, tear stained eyes stared at me. She probably had not been to bed. Her long blond hair falls to her shoulders, framing her round face. Even exhausted, she looks beautiful. “Yes, I should do that for my mom. Will you come with me?” I ask her, not sure how much I can do alone. “Okay dear, they are in the pack dining hall. I'll be waiting for you outside.” she says as she stands to leave. “ Miss bailey.” I call after her. She turns And looks at me. “Thank you. I know this is hard for you too. My mother loved you. I appreciate everything you have done.” I say, tears in my eyes. Bailey rushes to me and engulfs me in a hug. The smell of fresh cookies fills my nose. Of course, her scent would be so sweet. Bailey turns and walks to the door as the tears returning to her eyes. I stand and get dressed. I quickly remove the clothes from the day before. Not bothering with a shower. I get myself ready every morning. Today it just seems so Tedious. I pull up my long black curls to a high ponytail. Throwing on a plain white t-shirt that hugs my curves and black leggings. I look in the mirror, my tan face somehow looks pale today. I don't bother with make up. My once light green eyes, now a very dark hunter green. My wolf must be close to the surface. I go to the dinning hall, and we discuss arrangements. The next couple of days following wash away in a blur. My mother and father were buried. It was a beautiful ceremony. Bailey was wonderful and never left my side. Things seem to be going back to normal for everyone but me. I don’t even know what my normal is anymore. There is talk of placing a new alpha. I wonder if they will be anything like my father. I hope not. He was very stern and cold. I don’t remember ever seeing him smile. I am so glad my mother was never like that. She made up for my fathers many shortcomings in our pack. The thought of my parents make my heart race. I hate not knowing what my future will hold. I used to have a very clear , simple path. Train, lead and protect our pack as alphas daughter. Now I have no clue of my role. I feel like I’m going to implode at any moment. Bailey calls me and asks me to join their family for dinner. I reluctantly agree. I know I can't keep myself locked in my room forever. I get myself ready. Putting on a casual dress and some flats. I leave my hair down. The curls fall to the middle of my back. Mother always braided it for me. I'll have to teach myself now. I sit at the mirror and stare at myself. The person staring back at me look put together. I am anything but. I head to the dinning hall early. Hoping no one is in there yet. I need a moment to ready myself. I hear voices. It's beta Eanir. “Hilde is young, but she has been training her whole life. She has alpha blood in her. She will most likely have an ability. Not only that, but she needs to he put in alpha training. I can take over till she comes of age and finds a mate.” Beta says matter-of-factly. The thought of being tied to anyone and leading the pack sends my head spinning. I turn and run to my room. “I will not be like my father!” I tell myself. My wolf starting to rage in my chest. I look around my room, trying to center myself. I shut my eyes and try to breath. I can feel my wolf surface. I grab my book bag and begin filling it with a few changes of clothes, a photo of my mother and me, a small blanket, and a bottle of water. I quickly change into jeans and a t-shirt. Putting on my jacket and boots, I climb out my window. I jump from the roof, my feet catching me as I hit the ground. My senses heightened with my wolf surfaced. I can smell the fresh pine ahead of me. The laughter of children as they play tag in the backyard seems so loud. The guards at the front door turn and look at me, very surprised. I take of sprinting through the yard. I gain the attention of many pack members as they call after me. I make no eye contact and pick up the pace. As I get to the tree line, I strip out of everything and shove it in my book bag. I sit my bag on the ground and shift to my wolf form. My long black fur shines in the sunlight that's breaking through the trees. My wolf takes a large inhale. Clearly happy to be out. I wiggle my claws in the dirt. Taking in my surroundings. I reached down, taking up the bag handle in my mouth. As a wolf, I can run faster and further away. I hear bailey calling after me. I look back and see her in the tree line. Our eyes meet. “Bailey, honey, please talk to me.” she says as she takes another step towards me. I turn and run as fast as I can. I don't look back. Even if she was chasing me, she would not catch me. I am faster than most wolves in our pack. I come to a clearing and shift to my “human” form. I quickly dress. I don't know this place. I smell the air. Pine and moss fills my nose. There must not be anyone here. I shift and quickly dress. The sun is setting. I retrieve my blanket from my bag and make camp for the night. I lay on my back looking up at the stars. The crickets and frogs play a melancholy song for me. I have always loved listening to nature. Looking up at the sky I vow to myself, “I will not cry another tear over this. My mother is gone, and my life is changing. It is time to move toward.” I don’t know much, but I know , I cannot lead myself, let alone a pack. I roll over and close my eyes drifting off to sleep.