Of Lilies Time and Remorse

Chapter 9

 The days passed in a blur. During the second day, kasama kong pumunta ang parents ko. Kumain lang naman kami,naglibot at bumili ng kung ano-ano si mama.

On the fifth day, sumama ako sa mga classmates ko. Ayaw ko man, I don't want to be called kj naman.

Tatlong beses lang ako pumunta kumpara sa iba na every night yatang nakatambay don. Meron pa ngang whole day, dahil nanunuod ng athletic competition sa umaga.

Last year nga isang beses lang ako pumunta and last last year, hindi talaga ako pumunta...

Tapos na ako sa assignments except sa letter. Hindi ko pa kasi nabibigay kay Sixto.

I got my letter from the study table and studied it. Wala namang something amazing na nag pa-pop. I'm not an artistic person. Napaka plain lang talaga.

I just bought a scented creme colored paper sa isang craft store. I wanted it to appear vintage kasi.

Sometimes, I feel like I was born in the wrong century or generation. I feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body. There's no denying that I'm an old soul.

I just folded the paper in half and wrote in long hand. People were usually amazed of my handwriting. Akala kasi nila printed or type written.

Hindi man ako artistic na tao,  good thing my hand writing saved me.because trust me, lahat ng projects kahit pa walang design, maganda kapag maganda ang sulat kamay mo.

A fact.

So this is what I wrote...

My dearest Sixto,

        I would like to thank you for the cotton candy. It was sweet as always.

Thank you for helping me cross the street. (you'd certainly pass as a traffic enforcer)

       Also, thank you for buying me food. What a good person you are.

                                        Sincerely yours,

                                            Lucy

I know. It was stupid. Ayoko naman kasing isulat lahat ng naitulong niya. I'm not a dramatic person din kaya I don't want it to be emotional.

Besides,  wala naman kaming something deep na connection talaga ni Sixto. Childhood friends, neighbors since I was 6 and well,  schoolmates. Just that...

Tiningnan ko ang front ng card. Nilagyan ko na lang ng stickers na may vintage design. Nag doodle din ako ng mga cute things gaya ng cotton candy gamit ang mamahaling pen ko.

I glued a small flower inside too. A white lily of the valley ni mama. Nasa part kasi kami sa province kung saan maraming mga pananim na bulaklak. It's what our municipality is known.

Lahat yata ng residence ay may mga tanim at nagtitinda ng bulaklak na grown or buhay. Nag-iisa lang ang family ni Sixto dahil  flower arranging shop ang sa kanila at kinukuha nila kami dito sa subdivision bilang supplier.

I sighed. Pupuntahan ko na nga lang siya. And get this over with. Pumasok ako sa gate nila Sixto.

“ Tao po? Tao po”

“ Lucy. Si Sixto ba?”

“ Opo.” nagmano ako sa mama ni Sixto.

“ Nasa kwarto niya. Puntahan mo na lang”

Hindi na ako bago sa bahay nila,  just like how Sixto is with ours. Magkapitbahay na kami simula ng bilhin nila mama mula sa Tito ko na nag migrate sa America.

I went upstairs and knocked on the second door. Kumatok muna ako, para aware siya na may tao. Baka naman kasi kung ano ang ginagawa niya. We never know... kung nagyoyoga pala siya or what.

I knocked again before I opened his door. I saw him doing something.

“ Hoy ” he glanced at me.

“ Señorita, what a surprise! What can I do for you? ”

I rolled my eyes before I went to him and handed out my letter.

“ Ano to? Confession mo? ”

“ Crazy ka ba? Basahin mo na lang.”

I said with an annoyed voice. I looked elsewhere. I don't want to see him smiling like a fool.

I cleared my throat. Gosh I just want this to be over.

“ Sulatan mo ng reply sa likod. Project ko yan.” he silently obliged.

He started writing. After a minute napansin ko na hindi niya sa likod naisulat.

“ Hoy,  sa likod nga sabi insulat eh”

“ ay sorry ma'am. ”

He crumpled the paper he's holding, got my letter from his table and wrote at the back instead.

“ Are you really thanking me?  Parang hindi eh... ”

Feeling annoyed and embarrassed, I clicked my tongue.

“ Tapusin mo na lang kasi yan.”

He was still smiling broadly while he continued writing his reply.

He handed it to me. I said thanks before going out of his room. Hindi ko na nakita si Tita kaya hindi na ako nakapag paalam.

Ang bilis nila matapos magbasa. Si Taira na ang nasa harap at binabasa niya ang letter niya ulit bago niya binasa ang reply.

May mga seryoso talaga at may umiiyak pa nga. This is after all a sharing. Gusto ko na nga lang itapon ang letter na sinulat ko.

Kahit na narinig na nila, nahihiya pa rin ako. Bumalik na si Taira sa upuan and now it's my turn.

I got up and went in front. I greeted my teacher and my classmates. I read my letter again. Sinamaan ko naman ng tingin ang tumatawa kagaya ni Kent.

Binaliktad ko ang letter,  and I started reading Sixto's reply.

My dear Lucy,

       I'd just like to tell you,  that you're welcome. For the cotton candy.

I bit my lower lip. Nakakahiya naman 'to. Ang lalim na ng pinaghuhugutan ng iba,  and here we are being stupid. Nagpipigil naman ng tawa ang mga classmates ko.

I'm so happy to know that the cotton candy is still made of sugar. Hence,  making it sweet.

Napangiwi na lang ako. My classmates didn't have shame and just bluntly laughed.

As a future traffic enforcer,  I'm having my advanced OJT-by helping a poor kid cross the streets.

          Also, don't thank me for the food. Your mom gave me money to buy it.

                                   Sincerely yours too,

                                                     Sixto

I looked at my teacher and gave her a shy smile. She was smiling at me too. I snorted at my laughing classmates.

I went back to my seat, and the activity continued.

Just like what they say, time flies so fast. Christmas break na namin. During our Christmas party sa school, syempre hindi mawawala ang exchanging of gifts. I got the latest book of the series I love. I said many thanks to Dave for that.

May Christmas party din kami dito sa subdivision kung saan tuwing December 31 sinecelebrate dahil sabay-sabay kaming sumalubong sa New Year.

Kahit na may mayayaman talaga kami na kapitbahay 'yung tipong old rich hindi naman sila 'others'. In fact mamabait nga sila. Living in an friendly neighborhood nga.

We celebrated Christmas at my grandparents' house. Siyempre nandoon ang ibang relatives at si Gwen. We had so much fun dahil halos yata ng kapamilya namin from abroad ay umuwi. On Christmas day,  and we went to a really breathtaking resort. Kinabukasan ay umuwi lang din Jami sa bahay.

Kararating lang namin at nakita ko na si Sixto na papasok sa bahay.

“ Merry Christmas po” he was smiling while greeting my parents. Valid pa naman dahil hanggang January 6 naman ang Christmas.

“ Merry Christmas din Sixto” my mom smiled at him and greeted back. My dad just smiled and nodded.

He looked at me next, and then smiled showing his perfect set of pearl white teeth.

“ Merry Christmas, Lucy ”

Napaismid naman ako. Still, I greeted back.

“ Merry Christmas” he just laughed at my face and ruffled my hair. He earned a glare from me.

“ Halika Sixto. May dala kaming pagkain. ” pag-aya ni mama sa kaniya.

“ May kukunin po muna ako sa bahay tita.”

I went to my room. Iniisa-isa ko ang mga natanggap kong gifts mula sa relatives ko.

Nag exchange gift din pala kami nila J2. Nabunot ko siya, AMD she got Sixto's name. Sixto got Gwen and Gwen got J3 and J3 got me.

The gifts weren't grand, dahil we agreed to give something funny. Iwas gastos pa dahil given na naman na kaliwa't kanan ang exchange gift  na sinalihan namin.

I got a book about jokes. What should I expect from J3 naman diba?

Binigyan ko si J2 ng pamaypay.  Alam mo na fan. Kasi something 'fanny'

Wala din namang kwenta dahil napaka lame kong tao. Binatukan ako ni J2. J2 gave Sixto a very big box. Na curios nga kami at nainggit dahil mukhang legit ang regalo. Ngiti-ngiti si Sixto ng matanggap niya. J2 gave him a smile.

Pagkabukas ay isang buong kalabasa lang pala. Tinimbang namin at para kay Sixto nga. Anim na kilo. We all had a good laugh. No, not because of the gift but because of Sixto's fallen face. He expected something great I think? He then gave his gift for Gwen.

We got curious kung ano dahil nasapak siya ni Gwen and she looked so flushed while the latter just laughed. She doesn't want to show it kaya hindi namin alam kung ano 'yon. We tried asking Sixto but he said his lips are sealed.

Over all, hindi naman yata something funny ang gifts namin. Something stupid dapat 'yon eh.

“ Wala kang regalo sa akin?” I looked at the door just to see Sixto leaning on it.

“ Wala. Gifts are not important. It doesn't define Christmas Sixto.” I answered him with a smile.

“ Ows, may regalo pa naman ako sa'yo” he gave me a smirk.

“ Talaga? Asan na? Akin na” I demanded.

“ Akala ko ba gifts are not important? ” he said with an amused smile while moving closer to me. I rolled my eyes at him.

He handed me a paper bag.

“ Merry Christmas, Luciandy”

He smiled at me so I smiled back.  I felt really happy that he's giving me a gift. Wala nga akong regalo sa kaniya eh.

I tried to contain my excitement as I opened the paper bag. Right when I saw what's inside,  my smile instantly faded.

Binato ko ito sa kaniya. He tried not to laugh but I could see him struggle. His ears and cheeks were red, and I could clearly see him bite his lower lips.

“ What's wrong? Nagagamit mo naman ang napkin ah? ”

“ Ewan ko sayo”

“ Alam mo ba? When the three kings went to see Jesus on the manger and brought him gifts, it wasn't really about those precious gifts they gave. It was the time and effort they exerted just to see Jesus.”

He lectured. I don't really want to be rude but I acted rude anyway. I knew he was just covering his naughtiness with a nice story.

“ Anong connect sa napkin ha? ”

“ Basically, I was being thoughtful. Alam ko naman kasi na nagkakaroon ka every last week of the month.” he stated as if it wasn't a big deal.

It's a big deal for me, dahil paano niya nalaman 'yon?! I blinked. Once, twice, thrice.

“ How did you know those things ha? Nakakatakot ka ha. Are you a psychopath or my stalker? Geez. ”

He rolled his eyes and shrugged before giving me a lopsided smile.

“ Remember our Christmas party four years ago? Alam naman nating every 31 tayo nagcecelebrate tapos tinagusan ka. Nabanggit din ni Tita na nagkaroon ka na noon”

Bakit naman 'yon sasabihin ni mama kay Sixto?! Nakakainis!

“ Tsaka-”

“Shut up” pagpuputol ko sa sasabihin niya. Pumunta ako sa kama at nagtalukbong ng kumot. Hindi naman  siya natinag dahil umupo pa siya sa kama.

“ Grabe ang sour mood mo tuwing last week ng month. ” he continued.

Gusto ko na lang na mawala na lang dito with an invisibility cloak o kaya naman ay mag magic at maglabas ng usok.

I'm really embarrassed and this Sixto just keeps on blabbering nonsense!

“ One time sa swimming pool nila Tita Lev”

I immediately got up and hit him with a pillow but this man!  He just laughed at me! I covered my ears. Ayaw ko ng marinig ang sasabihin niya.

“ Pag ahon natin”

“ I don't wanna hear about it!” I could feel my face heat. I could still remember that embarrassing moment like it just happened yesterday.

Gusto ko ng ibaon sa limot 'yon pero binabalik ni Sixto. New Year celebration at nasa bahay kami ng kapitbahay namin na mayaman. One of the old riches in the subdivision.

Malalaki ang dalawang pool. Kiddie and adult. Nasa kiddie pool kami dahil bata pa naman ako at hindi ako marunong lumangoy. Hanggang ngayon naman. Nakalimutan kong tanggalin ang napkin bago maligo. Sabi naman nila pwede na akong maligo dahil patapos na naman. Natatakot pa rin ako dahil sa videos na napanuod ko.

Hindi naman sa kumakalat ang dugo sa pool. Exaggerated na talaga at fake news ang pinapanuod ko noon. Mabuti na lang at kumain muna ang iba at kami na lang ni Sixto ang naiwan.

Marunong naman siyang lumangoy, kaya nagtataka ako kung bakit sumama siya sa aming mga bata. I was 13 that time. Ako nga ang pinaka matanda sa pool kung hindi lang sumama si Sixto.

Si Sixto ang nakapansin at nag panic dahil akala niya magkasugat ako. He called the adults and made a fuss about it. To make the story short, pag ahon ko ay tumutulo 'yong tubig na red mula sa napkin. Buti na lang black one piece ang suot ko. That was still the most embarrassing day of my life.

I ruffled my hair and groaned in embarrassment. Sixto keeps on laughing. I wish he'd choke.

“HAHAHA grabe talaga no? I really thought you had a wound or something. Naiiyak nga ako noon”

I glared at him.

“ Naiiyak sa kakatawa? ”

He just bit his lip. Napailing ako. I got up from the bed and went to my closet. I grabbed the paper bag there.

I handed it to Sixto.

“ Akala ko ba wala? Thank you”

He opened it and gave me a puzzled look.

“ Pambabae?”

I rolled my eyes.

“ At least meron”

Akala ko maiinis siya but he smiled and ruffled my hair. Hindi na ako magsusuklay talaga. Sisirain lang naman pala niya.

He sprayed on his wrists.

Actually regalo 'yon ng tita ko mula US. Binigay ko na lang sa kaniya dahil hindi ako nakabili ng regalo niya. Before he got out of my room,  I called him.

“ Sixto”  I went to my drawer and got something before I went to him.

“ Merry Christmas” I gave him a genuine smile while handing the one I'm holding. After all, it's the season to be kind. It wouldn't hurt to be kind even for a while.

“ Merry Christmas, Lucy” he smiled at me too. My breathing hitched. Damn this boy's smile. It's making me feel things I shouldn't feel. I shrugged those feelings off.

He stared at the Polaroid photo of us. I was 8 and he was 10 that time. It was Christmas when my mom took the photo. I still have a gap between my teeth.

I've got several photos of us taken by my mom. It wouldn't hurt to give him one anyway.