Vow Of Silence

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

1st PERSON: Pelomina Lorenzo-Capiz

“ife… wife… Pelo?”

“Ah, yes?” I hummed, snapping back to reality with a start. Noticing the worry on his face once I started dazing out. Which is understandable. I would also be worried if someone I’m talking to spaces out mid-conversation. He cupped my cheek with one hand, still lying down while I towered over him,

“Your mind seems to be elsewhere… are you alright?” he asked,

I nodded, “Yes, I’m sorry, I just thought how… caring you are,” I replied. I felt overwhelmed in a short matter of time. I've always known these things, but I seem to always be bothered every time I think about it. Maybe it’s because my affection for Lykus grows faster than I could repress it,

Falling in love with someone could really be so heartbreaking by itself. I already know that, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

He chuckled, letting his hands fall on his stomach as he smiled at me, “Are you implying that I have more redeeming emotional attributes compared to my physical ones?” he replied, clueless of this empty feeling I have growing in my chest. Well, it’s better if he doesn’t know. What does it matter anyway if he knows?

I just took in a sharp breath, trying to match his vibe, trying to hide the insecurities that filled my head and fake a smile that I wished appeared as bright as his, “That’s not what I said my lord, I can’t help but feel you’re putting words in my mouth,” I replied in a skeptical tone making him breathe out.

He peeled my hands off his head and kept them in his as he slowly sat up and leaned close to my face, “Then you should be clearer with your words, my lady,” he replied,

‘ ... I hate him so much—why is he doing this?!’

It’s like he knows whenever I’m down and proceeds to make me feel better by filling my stomach with butterflies. Also–HE’S REALLY CLOSE. Our noses are almost touching and that smirk/smolder on his face isn’t helping. I could feel my ears burning and I think both of us could hear just how fast my heart was beating.

“Y-You know what I mean, my lord, you’re just teasing me so I’ll…” my words faded as his hand began reaching for my cheek, my eyes followed the movement as he started caressing it slightly before it ended down on my chin. He lifted it up slightly and my eyes darted to his and I froze at how the short distance, shortened even more.

‘I shouldn’t—I should stop! He’s not my husband! I’m not his wife!’

But even if I play games with myself and pretend that I’m actually able to pull away and put even as much as an inch between us, that’s not the case. In fact, my eyes closed on instinct and there is no amount of guilt and self-hatred that could pull me away from the passionate and kind look he gave me.

It didn’t stop. It didn’t stop until I could feel him breathe through his nose on my cupid’s bow, not until I felt the texture of the skin on his face with mine, not until our noses overlapped, not until… not until his lips were on mine.

And they were as soft as his touch, the moment was as gentle as the way the breeze blew from the windows and his hair swayed faintly that the tips brushed against the back of my hand, rooted on the cushion of the bed, grasping for balance and stability because this moment had left me weak. He’s left me weak.

It lasted for a minute, or so I think because it felt like longer until he barely pulled away, a sigh escaping his lips reminding me to breathe myself as both of our lips curled upward.

‘THIS IS INSANE! THAT’S WHAT A KISS IS LIKE?!’

Once I got hold of myself again and gained sentience, yet again it sunk it. I CAN NOT FREAKING BELIEVE IT. He, as observant as ever, must’ve noticed the spontaneous existential crisis that I’m currently marinating in, chuckling as he traced his thumb on my lower lip. Tilting his head, he smirked as he leaned in for a second time. More abruptly this time, placing a small peck on the side of my nose, under my right eye.

“You look shaken,” He noted,

‘It’s because I AM!’ “Uh-ehem—I… I was just taken by surprise…” I replied in a poor attempt to lie. ‘TAKEN BY SURPRISE?!’ It was like YEARS before our lips touched and I was STILL taken by surprise?! Will I ever not disappoint myself?

“Surprised? Was I too rash?” he asked,

I whipped my head to him with a frown, “What?! Oh no, my lord, it was…” I paused, breathing in a deep breath, “Well, truthfully, I am not taken by surprise,” I started, “I was just…stunned, no, there’s a better term for that I was…” as I tilted my head down, fumbling on my words, racking my brain to find the right—

“Pft… my lady, I’m merely jesting,” he announced, grunting as he lay down again, “ you take things far too seriously,” he finished, holding my hair in his fingers and placing them on his lips, his eyes shutting carefully, not a hair out of place as he looked in peace.

This is CRAZY.

I gulped and cleared my throat, looking up and averting my eyes. He might have his eyes closed right now, but I’m pretty sure he can still see with them shut. My eyes eventually landed and got glued to the passing terrain through the window. I could see the rush of the wind despite being inside, and I don’t think my hair would appreciate it if I peeked out the window and let the wind blow through it.

I have plenty of other chances to do that… when I escape for one.

‘Ugh and now I’m back to being upset,’

Although ‘escape’ seems unfit now that I think about it. What exactly am I escaping from? I know that everyone else in the palace wouldn’t hurt me and less are they putting me in a position that would compel me to flee. Despite being annoyed with Lykus’s weird sentiments for Lady Marriane, it's not as if he’s leaving me to sleep on the curve whenever she’s there.

Rather than escape, I’m just…. Running away, not because they forced me out, but because I have to. It’s for the better. The sooner I find the real Lady Pelomina, the sooner things will go back to normal or so, I hope. Because I’m not really sure how all of this even came to be. But I’m certainly going to find answers while being confined in that castle.

“I truly hope you can tell me what plagues your mind…”

I looked down to see his face, his eyes were still shut and somehow he still knew that I’m spaced out. What kind of sorcery is this? I hummed as I placed my hands over his eyes, “Could you still see even with my hand covering them?” I asked, making him chuckle, thinking that this is a laughing matter when in fact it is not and I would greatly appreciate it if he answered honestly.

“I can’t, but I could feel you getting wispy…”

“How is that even possible, my lord, are you joking around again?” I asked. Now he’s just being ridiculous,

“No, I’m serious, I can’t explain it but for some reason, I tend to be very sensitive when it comes to you, moreover when there is no one else,” he replied, placing his hand over mine, adding onto the weight over his eyes.

‘Really… it didn’t seem like that when Lady Marianne was—Oh come on!’

“T-That so…” I trailed off, for the lack of a better response,

“Yes, I would think so… however, it seems that is not the same for you,” he said, my face scrunching up as she did.

I stammered as I took my hands off his eyes, “I… my lord, that’s a very—”

“If you were to sense my anxiousness right at this moment, it would be a cause for worry. I’m terribly anxious as to why my wife periodically drifts into space—”

“That’s–”

“And how grave a secret it is that she couldn’t tell me…” he finished, opening his eyes again to look at me with knitted brows, “Am I not worthy enough to be your confidant?” It was a guilt trip, a long one at that. The look in his eyes was gentle, that it started spreading across his face that was as stoic as ever. Like his worries and troubles were truly that grim.

“My lord…” I followed along the sharp prominence of his brow bone with the tips of his finger, trying both to burn the image of his face in my mind while trying not to be swindled by my feelings for this man. It doesn’t matter how much I want to confide in you, to ask for your help, I want to live more. I don’t want you to come to hate me once you find out I’m not her. I don’t want to see nor imagine how disappointed you’d be once you realize I’ve been fooling you.

“Perhaps someday, my lord, I will be able to say this, but not today. I trust you, but this is something a bit more personal,” I reasoned, and I could time exactly when his face contorted in worry,

“But don’t you worry, this has nothing to do with my health or the likes,” I added. I’m sure he’s worried about that, too. Nevertheless, he hummed and shut his eyes again with a heavy sigh. I rubbed his temples again, not helping but to smile at how begrudgingly he let the matter go.

“You should try to sleep, my lord, successfully this time,” I joked, and his lips curled up ever so slightly with a chuckle,

“Would you sing me a tune then? A lullaby of some sort?”

He looks like he’s just joking, but this is my lane, music is my mastery. So without thinking of how this isn’t my body and all, I cleared my throat and started out a tune—oh… what the–?

“My lord… I can’t sing,” I whispered, aghast, more to myself than to him. It caught me off guard for a minute or so that I started worrying I lost the one thing I’m good at until I remembered I wasn’t in my body. But more terrified than surprised, I just gulped down,

‘Lady Pelomina… in terms of musical talent… you have none,’ It was just a hum, the first note if you will, and my throat felt stiff and the sound—dear heavens, the sound. It sounded like I was left in a desert parched and dry, my singing voice felt like sandpaper.

I don’t think I even hit the right note, but that hardly matters because I don’t think this body is even capable of making one. I guess singing him a lullaby is out of the question—

“Wife, will you not sing?”

“I can’t my lord, my voice is—”

“My lady, you were silent for half a decade, it will be a miracle for you to sing like an angel… whatever is fine,” he interjected. “Hearing your voice puts me in comfort,” he added.

That makes one of us. And so I hummed, singing was out of the question, but even that proved taxing.

Time seemed to have passed as I watched the scenery. Occasionally, the carriage rattled and I would glance down at his face. Looking to see if he woke up, but every time his expression would remain the same, that he was peacefully asleep. Shifting my gaze only from the side window to his face, I only managed to watch the day turn into dusk, but not the castle we were steadily approaching.

Lykus grunted at my touch and sat up, rubbing his eyes with one hand before smiling at me and shifting onto the bench to look at the direction we were heading in.

“Well, it seems we only have a few minutes until we arrive,” he noted, looking back at me with a huffed, visibly dissatisfied. Whether it’s because he had to do this in the first place or something else entirely, I don’t know. All I know is that I’ll be entering the royal castle walls sooner or later.

And that I… have no idea what I’m supposed to do.