Their Equal Share

23.A child in a man

Niranjan's p.o.v.

Today also he didn't come to dinner.He had locked himself in his room after returning from the office.It has been like these for three days,today is fourth day.If I didn't enter in his room like before I would have guessed that he was tired or would be doing his office work.But now a part of me is telling that he may be drinking.

Last month,once I tried to call him for dinner when he didn't show up,that time that bloody husband of mine just spat at me to see my work.I was beyond hurt that he even didn't consider me as his friend.We both are stuck in this relationship without our willing.He should understand that.

Apart from that my stupid heart doesn't stop caring for him even after hurting me.My self respect is what holding me still in my place.Whenever I care for him,he only hurts me by scolding,it is rare when he accepts my words,like that day when I massaged him.

I really don't know what his problem is,sometimes he behaves normal and many times he behaves like an arrogant devil.I can never guess what his mood is like.To tell the truth,he is more worse than a pregnant lady.His mood swings are unpredictable.

To my relief he still didn't torture or hit me.Until I didn't involve in his matters I would be safe.But something in me is telling that he is not like what he looks like.There is something in him that I have to know.He became my crush when I first looked him in photo.Like an admirer.That may be the reason I cannot blame him entirely.

Today it had gone too far,if he is drinking I cannot allow him further,drinking will not do much harm until you know the limits.But seeing his rack,I cannot assure that he is a light drinker as the detective had mentioned.

Of course how anybody would know when he is locked in his room and drinking.I moved to his room and stood front of the door,debating myself whether to enter or not.I remembered his mother's words when I talked to her in phone. "Please dear,take care of my son.He would not tell it out but he feels lonely.He hates me.He has every right to do that.Don't take anything to your heart seriously.He doesn't mean it whatever he says in his anger."

I wanted to ask her,why does he hates he hates her?What is the issue between him and his parents?Why he never talks about them?But didn't voice it out.If felt to tell me she would have told it.I cannot ask her,may be she would get hurt if I ask her.

Finally with all my courage I knocked the door,there was no reply even after few knocks,I pushed the door lightly.To my surprise it was already opened.The room was dark,but I was able to see lightly due to the moon light coming through the window.

I roamed my eyes all over the room and spotted a figure lying on the couch.I took my mobile and switched on the torch light,after few minutes of searching I spotted the switch and switched on the light.

I saw his coat lying on the floor and his watch,tie lying here and there.I sight of him dropped my heart.He was lying half on the couch and half hanging from the couch.His face seems like he is in pain.I didn't get feared,I didn't get anger,I didn't get disgusted.All I felt was to reach him immediately,I did. called him,"Surya....wake up...wake up Surya"I patted his cheek.He stirred on the couch and was about to fall but moved faster and held him.In that process I hit something near the couch and it was an empty alcohol bottle.

Oh my god...he had drunk the entire bottle.What has gotten into him?Why he is suffering like this?Why can't he share with me? He opened his eyes drowsily.He shocked me by smiling at me."Niranjana you came...you look beautiful in my dream also."his voice was hoarse.

"Surya..get up let me take you to bed."he closed his eyes tightly and got up holding my shoulder.He stumbled while standing but I held him tightly,he was heavy and he couldn't balance himself and his weight was completely on me.It was difficult for me to drag him but somehow I manged to drag him to the bed.I made him lay on the bed,because of his heavy weight he pulled me along with him.

Now,I was lying on him and he was under me.His hands were around my waist,he looked at me with half closed and drowsy eyes."Niranjana.....I.."he was struggling with his words,his breath smelt alcoholic."You are more beautiful,more good and selfless to care about me even after scolding me.I cannot bring myself to say to you in real,at least let me tell you in my dream.I want to try this marriage but I am afraid,because you too one day will leave me.No...no on...e can...lo.ve...me."his eyes were filling with tears when he talked more hoarse and like whisper.

My heart felt heavy,he feared that I will leave him.Out of all I didn't expect this.He had been thinking like this all the time but I thought something opposite to this.Now,he is nothing like I thought arrogant,stubborn,devil.Now lying beneath me is a man looking vulnerable with a fear that I will leave him.A child in a man who thinks that no one can love him.

The pain in his voice gripped my heart and a lump formed in my throat.Tears filled my eyes and fell on his cheek.Still with drowsy eyes he wiped my tears.Oh god!What I have thought about him these many days,how can I hate this man who sees my tears even in his drunken state and thinks that I am in his dream.Even in his dream he wiped my tears.

"Sur..ya..I will not leave..you."Other than this I didn't know what to tell.I saw a slight smile on his lips he dragged me down and hugged me.Alcohol smelt all over him but I didn't bother,he may not remember anything at the morning and would go back to his normal self,masking his emotions.

A person will tell the truth which is deep inside his heart when he is not his own self like now.I knew now what is deep inside his heart,I will not give up on him.I hugged him back caressing his head.After few minutes I tried to get up but held me firmly and mumbled in his sleep "Don't go..."

His hold was firmer and gave me no way to move.With a sigh I adjusted myself beside him still in his arms.He moved in his sleep and buried his head in my chest.I felt content and ran my fingers into his hair.I kissed his forehead and took him in my arms and closed my eyes.