Obsessed

Have you ever imagined a world without pain or suffering? Without the worry of whether you're liked or not? I've always wondered where I would fit on that scale. Sure, my parents were well off and I was pretty, but none of that mattered in that world. The idea that attractiveness and money make you less likely to feel any emotion over glee was absurd. My index finger began to swirl over the orange fabric that lay over the lush armchair in Dr. Cram's office. I never liked being here. The beige walls always looked like they would swallow me up and then spit me out. "Hallie," Dr. Cram started, drawing my attention, "I need you to concentrate, honey." She readjusted her thin, circular glasses and stared. She was beautiful. Dark, silky skin with thick, curly hair. Her eyes were the perfect shade of brown and her nose was crafted with perfection. "I want to know what you're thinking about in that head of yours." She looked at me, concern filling her doll-like eyes. Sighing, I sat up straight and looked at her. "I'm tired of feeling like I should be more grateful. I have everything I could ever dream of, yet, I'm still trying to force a smile on my face and pretend everything's great, when, in reality, everything's not great." I tugged at one of my loose blond waves, twigging it around my finger. "One minute I'm fine, and the next everything feels like a heart attack." Nodding her head, Dr. Cram replied, "I know, Hallie. Bipolar depression is not the easiest to go through. I know you've been through a lot lately, and it is not helping your situation. Have you tried the exercise routine I sent to you this week?" "Yeah, it's been okay. I'm trying to stay positive though. With her back in town and me getting the most amazing internship an 18-year-old could ask for, I need to keep my head high." "Yes," she started, a small smile on her face, "that's the spirit. Now, don't let her bring down your shine like she did before." Looking at her watch, she placed her clipboard on her lap. "That makes time, Hallie. Now, remember, she doesn't hold power over you, she left you. Your parents, your real parents, are the only ones with the power to do anything." I looked down, noting the way my black leggings hugged my thigh. My birth giver was back in town, probably looking for her next high. "Thanks," I said, opening the door and walking out into the crisp air of the lobby. I waved toward the receptionist as I made my way toward the door. Walking outside, I looked around, safeguarding all areas of the parking lot before moving to my car. Hovering my hand over the handle of the door, I pressed the unlock button on my keypad and swiftly got in. I was never one to be superstitious or fearful, but I always made sure I was safe before going anywhere. The drive home was pleasant as ever, kids piled on the street as they made their way home from school. I wondered if their mind were also corrupted by depressing thoughts. It wasn't fair.