Fire sparks

Ch. 7 Vistors & Motivation

The next two and a half years were rough. I worried every single second of every single day that I was becoming the monster everyone thought I was. With Lucian locked away, unable to defend himself, I didn't have much other option, though. 

So each Judgement became more brutal, more despicable. The real concern for my own soul came, when I realized I was no longer disgusted at the horrific things I'd order. I didn't have to turn away as sentences were carried out anymore. Bile never rose in my throat. I'd even come to resent the times I'd send the defendants to the dungeons instead of finishing them off myself.

At home, I'd continued to push Lucian away. The only real interactions we had was during his 'trainings.' I figured age and goodness weren't the only things that hindered him so severely in my first attempt at having him play Judge. There was likely a lack of preparedness that prevented him from acting as I'd wished he would. I kicked myself for not explaining the expectation to him prior to putting him in that position. I'd been protecting him from the horrors of this realm, but in doing so I'd effectively made him a target of those horrors. 

Our lessons were hard. It was hard to explain the crimes, but it was harder to explain the punishments. He may have been impossibly smart for a child his age, but that didn't mean his young mind should be subjected to this sort of horrific knowledge. After the very first lesson, Lucian no longer looked at me like with curiosity or interest, he only looked at me with hatred. 

He shared that with most of the realm. Everyone hated me. Only the fear I'd worked so hard to instill kept the beasts at bay. Even Braxis and Galen seemed to only stick around because they'd developed some glimmer of an attachment to my son over the years.

In fact, Hades was the only one left in the realm that looked at me with any semblance of approval, but even he had moments where that faltered.  

In those early years, Hades had made it abundantly clear that he wanted to be so much more than just my bodyguard. If he had his way, he’d have all of me in every way. But after Lucian's birth, I'd redrawn that line, rebuilt the wall between us. I had enough to worry about with Lucian, I didn't have the time or energy to worry about what those dwelling within my kingdom would whisper about that, too. 

After Lucian's first- and only- Judgement had been such a failure I'd resorted to my old creative methods for rebuilding loyalty within my kingdom. Those moments, the times when Hades' support wavered, became more frequent as I sunk back into my slutty ways of furthering my agenda. Still, it was hard to turn a cheek to the pain in his eyes, as he sat idly by while I slept with man after man to strengthen my armies- but never him. Not again.

So the months turned into years, and, while the bases of their distaste towards me differed, Hades' and Lucian's quiet resentment turned into downright disgust all the same. I couldn't blame them. I hated me, too.

***

Hades, Braxis, and Galen were all carefully attending to the outer permitter of the castle when the strangers arrived. Lucian and I had been sitting in the dining room having a tense silent dinner. He didn’t look to me for explanation and he certainly didn’t try to protect me when the three men materialized out of thin air before us. Not that he could have, of course, but all of his adorable attempts to stand between me and trouble had ceased completely before the end of his first year of life.

Each of the strangers was towering, pale, but flawless. Their eyes were somewhat reminiscent of Hades', but where onyx stretched from corner to corner in his, these men had white, green, or blue- such piercing blue. Bluer than even King Charming's, and not a trace of humanness within them.

I stood immediately moving between them and my son. Lucian had stood as well, but only to shove past me and hide away in his room. He didn’t look back to see who the men were or what they wanted, and they didn’t look at him. He didn’t even call for help when two of the men grabbed my arms and I cried out.

Maybe he is a little evil… Even when I’d thought it, I knew it wasn’t true. He just despised me... and had grown accustomed to my revolving bedroom door. I was grateful he was hidden away when the third man, the largest man sneered at me, every single one of his heinous intentions glimmering in his crystal blue eyes. 

When they forced my clothes from my body and held me down against the cold granite table, I opened my mouth, but found I couldn’t scream. Not from any invisible force, simply because of shocking amount of confusion I felt. There were too many questions floating around my mind. Who were these people? How did they get into my house? How did they just materialize? Why was this happening? My body was numb… numb… numb… and then as the man forced himself between my legs reality fell onto my head like a ton of bricks. I found my voice, a scream ripped from my chest almost as loud as Lucian’s first cry. 

Finally, Hades came barreling into the room. He didn't break his stride, racing across the room to put an end to whatever this was. The man never once stopped his pumping hips as he smiled wickedly at an enraged Hades. Instead his vile smile only spread further as he increased his pace, before thrusting a final time. 

Hades' hands extended, now near enough to grasp the man. The other two guards had released their grasp on my body, I assumed to hold Hades back. I was vaguely aware I could no longer feel the blue-eyed man near, let alone inside of me. I closed my eyes tightly, bracing for the fight, but nothing happened. 

As quickly as the men had appeared, they'd left. Hades sunk to his knees beside the table gently reaching for my face, but not bringing his eyes to mine. He apologized and apologized but the words fell on deaf ears. 

I was in shock. For those first few moments I wasn’t even mad. I was only stupefied by that damned confusion. I had so many questions. But then Hades eyes did reach mine and all I could see was absolute heartbreak. I rolled my head to the other side and emptied the contents of my stomach onto the table.

I remained in a daze as Hades carried me to the bathroom. My body had become numb again as he gently bathed me. He brushed my hair and burned the clothes that the men had torn from me. He finally tucked me into bed and sat on the floor at my side. He didn’t speak, but the apology in his eyes was so loud I felt as if I would go deaf. 

Finally I spoke. “Why?”

He inhaled sharply and sobbed on the exhale. “To hurt me.”

What?! I was the one who was hurt. He had failed at his job and I understood him being upset over what had happened, but whatever the f**k just happened absolutely had to be worse for me than him.

Rage coursed through my veins. I propped myself on my elbows. “Excuse me? Are you really going to make this about you right now?”

His eyes were downcast as he answered, “But it is about me. They wanted to hurt me and they’ve succeeded.”

"The arrogance of men... I swear to f*****g god..." My mutters turned to lethal silence.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and down his face. "Maeve... I..."

As furious as I was, I wanted answers; needed answers. "Who were they?"

"I think you know." His eyes shuttered closed as he reached for my hand. I snatched it away. Deep bruises were already blossoming around my wrists from where I'd been held down.

"How did they even get here? And just leave?"

Hades scoffed and lifted his head, but still didn't let his eyes meet mine. "Did you want them to stay?"

I sat all the way up, wincing at the strain in my lower muscles; a terrible reminder everything had been real. "Wow. Get out."

Finally, his eyes met mine, if only briefly. They lingered long enough to see the pain those obsidian pools harbored. "I-"

"How?" Again, my curiosity was greater than the anger raging through my battered body.

"They made the realm. It only makes sense they'd be able to come and go-" 

“And why the f**k would they think doing that to me would hurt you?” His face was strained, so much so that I found myself feeling bad for him. He didn’t answer. We stayed silent. I laid back onto the bed, suddenly exhausted as the adrenaline wore off. I wanted to repeat the question, but couldn't find the words. My eyelids became heavy and I didn't have the energy to snatch my hand away as he reached for it again. 

As the lines between consciousness and sleep began to blur I heard him lightly whisper, “because you’re mine.”

I didn't have the energy to ask what that meant, or to protest against the possessiveness. Not in that moment, or any of the moments in years to follow.

***

We didn't speak of the incident again. We didn't speak of Hades had claimed it happened, either. I wasn't ready to think about it, let alone talk about it. Weeks passed, but as I finally decided I needed to address unfortunate turn of events, the unthinkable happened.

Unlike the first time I realized I was pregnant, the second time around I knew exactly when that baby was made and who the father was. So did Hades. This time he had been much more insistent on terminating the pregnancy, but again, I simply couldn’t do it. He had shattered windows, gone a small killing spree, and, finally, stopped talking to me.

When I made the announcement of my pregnancy and had the audacity to call the child another gift from the gods, Hades remained stoic in front of the crowd, but when we finally reached my home he’d grabbed me by the throat and too sharply whispered, “Do not give him the satisfaction of thinking that abomination is a gift.”

I hadn't considered the literal nature of my words, but I didn't let Hades see the disgust I felt at my mistake. Hades’ hand that had loosely but firmly held me, slackened. He didn’t apologize for the aggression. Instead, he shook his head slowly and turned to walk away, once again resuming his silence.

Despite his quiet ambivalence, he still stayed by my side throughout my pregnancy. At some points I wished he would just leave. The rift was hard to ignore. The silence was painful. I found myself most distraught by the missing friendship I hadn’t even realized we’d developed. Maybe not friendship. I still refused to have friends. But Hades had certainly become a companion. A person whose company I didn't entirely mind. 

Now, the only glances he spared me were all directed at my growing belly, each one more furious than the last. The hatred that shone in his eyes turned from worrisome to perturbing. When my daughter was born I was petrified he’d hurt her. 

She was beautiful and perfect and just as smart as her brother. Unlike Lucian, she was far less outgoing. She was quiet and reserved. Instead of babbling back to me constantly she was introspective. 

And Lucian adored her. I hadn’t named her before introducing the two, but Lucian took one look at her and called her, “Eve.” I didn’t dare change it. If giving my son the gift of a sister was the only nice gesture I’d be able to afford him, then I was not going to take any piece of that away. 

By the time Eve was born Lucian was the size of a gangly tween. He was only four years old, but stood just under five feet tall, he had developed a natural armor of lean muscle, and had mastered the art of using his glowing eyes to scare the guards into submission. 

He ran gentle fingers through her hair for a long quiet moment, before something in him snapped. He snatched Eve from the couch I'd propped her on and ran from the room. Worried I’d severely misread his acceptance of her, I followed. Instead of finding anything malicious, I found him softly rocking her back and forth on his bedroom floor. I backed away from the room, but stayed around the corner listening to him whisper sweet nothings to the newborn.

“I won’t let her hurt you; I won’t let any of them hurt you, Eve. I promise. I pinky promise, okay?” My eyes pinched, unable to form tears. 

“I think we’ve found his motivation.” I jumped at Hades’ voice, not realizing he’d followed, too. “At least that little heathen will be good for something.” On the one hand, I was grateful to hear his voice after months of nothing but silence, but way more than that I wanted to smack him for speaking of my daughter so callously. It wasn’t her fault she was conceived in such a violent way. She was just a baby. Her life was going to be absolute s**t as it was, I didn’t need her to have an enemy before she was even a full day old.

Hearing Hades’ voice, Lucian gripped his sister tighter and pulled her into his chest, hissing towards the door. 

Hades turned to walk away without meeting my annoyed gaze. “Oh, yes. She’s just what he needed.”

***

Hades had wanted to take Lucian to the Judgements that night to test out the theory, but I was adamant we needed more time. Eve was too small to be around anyone that roamed this realm, save for her brother, and Lucian hadn’t been beyond the castle walls since I’d locked him away all those years ago. 

I told Hades we would wait two months. If Eve was anything like her brother, she’d be too smart for her own good by that time and Lucian would have had more time to deepen the bond he already felt with her. I couldn’t let him mess up again.

But the two months passed too quickly. Lucian walked slowly behind me carrying Eve. I hadn’t held Lucian since the day he was born and his sister was no different. I was a little concerned that the physical connection and love she was receiving from her brother would make her too soft, but I couldn’t bear to separate them. I hoped and prayed the connection would make them both stronger. 

I could feel the rage pouring from Lucian as we walked. It slithered off of him, cascading down the stairs around me. The intensity was distracting and I had to catch my footing more than once. 

When we finally took our seats at the Judgements a man dangled in the cage before us. The usually restless crowd was silent. Every single eye was on the newborn my son held. He looked around, his fury intensifying. He set Eve down in his chair, climbed onto the table and hissed. The air of approval that came from the audience only deepened his anger. 

I saw his body begin to tremble. I remembered that feeling. Those were the trembles that overtook my body when I could turn into a dragon. His eyes glowed brightly, and for a moment I held my breath willing myself to believe he could turn into a dragon. I was disappointed. 

I seized the opportunity of his separation with his sister to grip the back of her neck and lift her to show the crowd. Lucian looked back in horror realizing his mistake. He lunged for her, but I snatched her far from his reach. Snickers rang out from the onlookers. s**t. I’d exposed another one of my son’s weaknesses in front of everyone.

In efforts to distract them, I began announcing the man in the cage’s wrongdoings. He’d only been caught stealing weapons from one of the other beasts. This man didn’t necessarily deserve death, thank the gods. This would be much less traumatic for Lucian than it had the potential to be. 

“Lucian, what is your Judgement?” He looked at me with more anger than I’d ever seen within him before. His eyes moved to Eve and back to me a few times.

He lowered his voice so that only I could hear. “Put. Her. Down.”

“Give your Judgement or the girl goes in the fire.” The words were not my own. They came from a feral sounding Hades who I hadn’t realized stood right behind me.

Lucian’s eyes glowed brightly as they sliced to Hades. He swiped his tongue over his razor sharp teeth and for a moment I wondered if he’d dare take a bite of the massive guard. He turned to me and for the first time in years, I saw a plea in his eyes. He needed something from me and he still held on to a glimmer of hope that I would give it to him. He was wrong though. I just gave him a curt nod, not denying Hades’ threat. My son was long gone from me far before that moment, but I knew that just then the hatred he harbored in his heart for me had sunk to a new level. 

Without taking his eyes off of me, my massive four year old son growled, “You're looking a little frail, Mother." Snickers passed in an approving wave through the audience. It appeared my son was more like me than he'd care to admit- already wanting to give the people a show. I didn't respond. Neither did Hades. We both waited with bated breath for his sentence. "Take off his head and feed his eyes to the queen.” 

Oh you cunning little bastard. The punishment was too harsh. It also put me in an awkward position and he knew it. If the punishments weren’t even close to just, there would eventually be an uprising. Still, I couldn’t call him on it. Not in public at least.

I nodded to the guards and passed Eve back to Lucian. He wrapped the baby in his arms and ran as fast as he could, as far as he could.