ALL THE THINGS WE DO JUST FOR LOVE

Greatest Achievement Whenever I encounter problems and feel imprisoned from that situation, I am still able to deal with it. Allowing me to surpass any problems I faced no matter how big and personal they might get. There was this one difficult situation where I have to manage my time. It's so stressful that I had a hard time balancing it. First, my student and athlete duties are hard to balance along with my social life. I always tend to fail in accomplishing my tasks due to a lack of self-drive and motivation. Also as an athlete, there are duties that need to attain that goes along with my school academics. I even cancel any part of my social life and events that I should've attended because I chose to prioritize my studies, recover my grades and get some rest. It was hard of course, stressful, a lot. But even though being a student-athlete is hard, I manage to succeed. I have my own way of coping. I don't know if it's weird to others, but it's my way to get better. After training or after class, I tried to do my school works and make a list before I go to sleep and take a rest. I never go to bed when I still have undone works to do. I always listen to music to calm myself even when they're tons of workloads making me panic and pressured, listening to music while doing my responsibilities makes me feel relaxed and more focused. It makes me do my job without being distracted and focus on one. It helps me to do my tasks and requirements efficiently. Being an athlete means committing to a healthy lifestyle, that includes a balanced diet and consistent sleep patterns. It is also sacrificing your personal time and social life to focus on your training and development. There was this one time when I lost an opportunity. I was distracted when I was pursuing that dream. Maybe because I was too scared that what if I failed? What if I can't meet their huge expectations? What if I could not overcome my problems by myself and choose to give up all my responsibilities? I had so many expectations that I failed to realize it wasn't actually a dream of mine. My path had been lost, but I was unaware of it. I was expected by some people to bag an award, the pressures were all on me, and I experienced a lot of failures and disappointments during that. I created my consequences and most of the people who knew me would think that I deserve it, well I guess, I did. I wasn't a fighter, I was a coward with plenty of battles in life. When I lost that opportunity, I thought I wouldn't be able to surpass that because of too much pain, and disappointments. I thought I wouldn't be able to get out in that dark place, a black hole. It felt like no one was ever going to support me because of failing over and over. I knew something inside me was broken. Besides, I was aware that I could no longer escape. People can easily be disappointed with you, threw you away, or even turn their backs against you. These thoughts will suddenly enter your mind: Why? Why do people leave? When he was the only person I knew who could have helped me, why would he abandon me? Why couldn't they see how hard I'm trying? Why couldn't they even notice that I was at my lowest and that I was drowning? Coach Yno was good at his job, however, he is one of those impolite people I've met. He only wanted awards, achievements, and success. Well, I believe that no one wants to be a failure, yet failing is always part of our life. He will never help you when you feel down, but why is that? Am I too strong for him? Do I always show up so strong that he couldn't see that I was drowning? No, I guess, he only wanted to see the happiness in one person, not their struggles, not their burdens. I am not only talking about this certain person, but I am also talking about those people who promised to be there for us and failed to see us flaunting. And I can't blame anyone for that. I should know how to handle myself, I should know how to stand alone. I have met people that taught me lessons to be not like them. I abandoned myself for a society that doesn't understand how to accept me, and I hide in different faces just not to be looked affected by those people who couldn't love me and told me that I was not enough. I swallowed every tear, pain, and anger that I deserve to feel, maybe because, they wouldn't mind or they didn't care about what I truly felt. I disappeared, ghosted people, and didn't show up. I was a person of convenience, not until I learned how to appreciate those people around me who adores me and who do not see me as a failure or disappointment. I easily learned how to stand on my own feet, to walk away from things that only make me feel so weak, not good enough, not worth fighting for, to those people who only invalidate my emotions, who didn't even try to understand what I was going through and a person who was never been proud for how I devoted my best. And even other people choose to only see the failures in me, I did survive it all; those lonely and sleepless nights trying to recover my grades, those days I felt guilty for attending training with pending activities, with all the looks of coaches, classmates, teachers, and football players that gave me, all the words that I had to hear, and cold treatments I had to experience, I survived. I realized that I was not really the disappointment, they were. Furthermore, even though I was aware that it felt like I didn't know where it was headed, still, I had a feeling that I should keep going. Regardless of what others put me through, being a student-athlete has made me the person I am today, a person that I am really proud of. So, if you are a student-athlete that has the same situation as mine, I want you to know that I am proud of you for trying to survive, for trying to get up and face those toxic people, as well as for choosing to be gentle with yourself.