A Love That Can Never Be Mine

The scorching afternoon sun beat down on the campus of Rivers State University, making the asphalt pathways shimmer as though they had been set ablaze. Students hurried along with books tucked under their arms, laughter ringing through the air, and the chatter of vendors selling snacks and chilled drinks spilling into every corner of the open space. But for Bella, none of the bustle and brightness seemed to touch her. She sat on a wooden bench just outside the Faculty of Arts building, a crumpled sheet of paper trembling between her fingers. Her long lashes fluttered as she tried to blink back the tears threatening to fall. The bold black letters on the page glared back at her like an accusation: OUTSTANDING BALANCE: ₦72,500. Her tuition fee reminder. Bella pressed her lips together and folded the paper neatly before sliding it into her bag, as though burying it away could make the numbers vanish. Her heart, however, refused to calm. It pounded with a familiar rhythm of worry, of helplessness, of the heavy reality of being a freshman who had no one to lean on financially. She was only nineteen, yet the weight on her shoulders felt heavier than her years. Her classmates always seemed carefree—talking about parties, clothes, or the latest Nollywood films. But Bella had no time for such luxuries. She was too busy calculating how many shifts she could squeeze in at the small café off-campus where she waited tables in the evenings. Even then, the pay barely covered her feeding and transportation. School fees were a mountain she had been climbing for months with no sign of reaching the top. Bella leaned back on the bench, staring up at the clouds drifting lazily across the sky. For a moment, she allowed herself to dream—a world where she wasn’t counting every naira, where she could focus on her studies without the constant fear of being barred from exams. She wanted to make her mother proud, to become somebody in life, to prove that her father’s abandonment hadn’t broken her. But reality was merciless. “Babe!” The cheerful voice jolted her out of her thoughts. Bella turned to see Peace, her best friend and roommate, hurrying towards her. Peace was a burst of color in motion—her yellow off-shoulder top glowing against her dark skin, her braids bouncing with every step. She had a way of lighting up any space she entered, and right now, she was carrying that sunshine straight to Bella. “You’ve been sitting here like a widow,” Peace teased, plopping down beside her and fanning herself dramatically. “What’s wrong with you again? Another heartbreak from those lecturers?” Bella forced a small smile. “Not today.” Peace tilted her head, studying her. “Then what? I know that face, Bella. Talk to me.” Bella hesitated, biting her lower lip. But Peace wasn’t the type to let go. She reached into Bella’s bag, rummaged until she pulled out the folded paper, and smoothed it open. Her eyes scanned it quickly, and she exhaled sharply. “Ah. Fees again.” Bella looked away, embarrassed. “It’s nothing. I’ll figure it out.” “Nothing? My dear, owing seventy-something thousand is not ‘nothing.’ You want them to send you out of class?” Peace said, clicking her tongue. “I just… I don’t know what to do anymore.” Bella’s voice cracked. “I’m trying. I’m working. But it’s like no matter how hard I hustle, the money disappears before it even reaches my hands.” Peace softened, her playful expression giving way to genuine concern. She reached for Bella’s hand, squeezing it. “You’ll be fine, Bella. You’re strong. God didn’t bring you this far to shame you. Something will come up.” Bella’s eyes stung, but she blinked quickly. “I hope so.” They sat in silence for a while, watching other students walk past—some laughing, some arguing, some talking about weekend parties. Peace nudged Bella’s shoulder after a few minutes, her mischievous smile returning. “Speaking of weekend… guess what?” Bella gave her a skeptical look. “What now?” “There’s a big party tomorrow night at Kingslounge. Free entry for ladies before ten. DJ Fireboy is coming, Bella! This is our chance to unwind.” Bella groaned. “Peace, abeg. I don’t feel like going out. Partying won’t pay my fees.” “Ehen, that’s the more reason you should come!” Peace insisted. “You need to forget about all these wahala for one night. Just dance, laugh, enjoy yourself. Who knows? You might even meet your destiny helper.” Bella laughed dryly. “Destiny helper at a party? Please.” Peace folded her arms dramatically. “So you want to sit here and die of worry? Me, I’m going. If you like, stay. But don’t come and say I didn’t invite you.” Bella hesitated. Her heart said no, but a small voice whispered that maybe a night away from her troubles wouldn’t hurt. “Okay,” she said finally. “But I’m not staying long.” “Yes, boss!” Peace said with a mock salute, bursting into laughter. For the first time that day, Bella’s smile was genuine. ⸻ Later that evening, back in their small off-campus apartment, Bella sat on her narrow bed, staring at her textbooks but not really reading. The words blurred on the page, her mind drifting between her unpaid fees and Peace’s excitement about the party. Their apartment wasn’t much—just a two-room space with peeling paint, a single standing fan that groaned every time it rotated, and a tiny kitchen that barely fit both of them. But it was home, and in its simplicity, Bella found some comfort. Peace emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, singing loudly and off-key as usual. “Bella baby! Tomorrow we go turn up!” Bella shook her head. “You and enjoyment are five and six.” “And you and wahala are husband and wife,” Peace retorted, laughing. Bella chuckled despite herself. Peace had that effect on her—dragging her out of her dark thoughts, reminding her that even in struggle, joy could be stolen in small moments. But when the laughter faded, and the room grew quiet, Bella lay awake staring at the ceiling. Her heart whispered the same question it always did at night: Will I ever make it through this?