Can't Hate You

Confrontations

Charlie

After he left I decided to call Elijah because in my eyes it was really getting out of hand. I had his number because he called me a few days before Melissa's birthday so I could meet her. I already thought about calling him when Kingston brought her back while she was sleeping in his arms around 5am.. I couldn't take it anymore and I hated being a snitch but I only wanted her best. I knew she would regret everything later because she was so heartbroken. She wasn't aware of what she was doing...

He needed to do something because she wouldn't let me help her, she didn't even listen to me and I wasn't a babysitter. I wanted to help her and I was worrying but she was drifting away and I was afraid of her plans.

He picked up. "Uhm.. hey. I'm Charlie. Melissa's best friend.. remember? I need to talk.." I said hoping I could come straight to the point. He sighed and he sounded tired. I didn't know what to think about that. Maybe he was just tired or he didn't want to hear about this. "About?" he asked and I knew it would be very hard for me to do this... I felt like a fraud.

"Melissa... someone brought her home yesterday and she's acting weird.." saying that felt awful and I knew she was going to be really mad at me.

"With who?" he asked immediately and he sounded more angry than annoyed or tired. His deep voice told me that he was more than angry.

"Please don't freak out and don't tell her that this comes from me.." I bit my lip in guilt. "HURRY CHARLIE!" he screamed on the other line totally inpatient to lose his mind. It showed that he was still caring about her... something about this all was wrong.

"With Kingston. He's the leader of KCG. I don't know him personally but he's no good.." I finally said quickly and I bit my finger regretting what I did. This wasn't a game and Melissa should've told him on her own if she felt the need to. I had no right to do this and I didn't even know what would happen now..

"WHAT?"

Melissa

After he left and I felt a little better I checked the date. I remembered that I should've gotten my period two days ago but I didn't.. First I started panicking but then I thought it would be normal because of all the stress, pain and the drugs. There was no need to panic yet.

I mean the thought of me being pregnant sounded so stupid that I had to laugh. It wasn't impossible and the thought of it scared me to be honest but it just couldn't happen. It would be more than wrong. I was only eighteen and just broke up with the only guy who could be the dad. God why was I even thinking about it for so long? Probably because I kept throwing up and almost missed my period? No, no it just couldn't happen.

My head started spinning and my hands started shaking again because no matter how much I tried to push the thought away it was already there and it was bothering me. Just assuming it already made me crazy. Especially when I thought about last night and all the things that I let get into my blood.. nah it just couldn't be. Ot could it? How should I know? Mom and I never really talked about these things so how should I feel or recognize it? I didn't want to google it so I needed to talk with Charlie hoping she would know what to do.. She was in the kitchen. My heart was beating very fast and I was so damn afraid even tho there was no need yet...

"Charlie..?" I walked down the stair and found her in the kitchen. She turned around and looked at me. She didn't seem pissed anymore. More like she was a little stressed and anxious. I could see that she was trying to hide it and I wanted to ask her what happened but I was worrying about something else in that moment so I decided to ask her later about it. She was caring so much about me I needed to give something back.

"Do you need something?" she asked and I felt so guilty because she was ready to do anything to help me and I was acting so weird and disrespectful.

"Yeah...I need my best friend.." I said and bit my lower lip hoping se would know how sorry I was because apologizing felt really hard in that moment. I could see how sad she was so we both just hugged each other instead of saying anything. I couldn't keep my tears in and I knew she was crying too.

"I just want you to talk to me Melissa.." she said when she backed off and no matter how hard it was I nodded and we sat down.I cleared my throat thinking about how I should begin and with what I should begin because I couldn't tell her everything..

"I have to talk to you about.. a lots of thing." I finally started and she nodded showing that she was listening. I didn't want to make a scene and it was a little weird to talk to her about this but I had no one else.

"Should've gotten my period two days ago.. and I keep throwing up." I continued and looked away. "I'm afraid that I'm pregnant even tho I know how stupid this sounds.. I'm panicking a little." I added and her jaw dropped. "Wait.. what?" she asked totally confused and overwhelmed. I looked at her with sagging shoulders not knowing what to saw.. "Is that good.. or not?" she asked and I ran my hand through my hair. "I don't know... I think it's not." I answered and she took a deep breath. I seemed like she was more shocked and panicking than me even tho I wasn't evens are yet.

She took a deep breath. "But.. it's from Elijah right?" she asked and my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe my own ears. She couldn't be serious. "Charlie I never slept with someone else than him and I'm not planning to!" I said a little louder than I wanted and she looked at the ground.

"Just wanted to make sure..." she said raising her hands like I was going to arrest her. "We should make a simple test. That'll clear it all." she added and my stomach dropped. In that moment I just wanted to kill myself. The fact that I came to that point was reason enough.

I just hoped that I wouldn't be pregnant so we could forget this and move on...

That doesn't means that I didn't want a child but not in that moment, in that age, after doing drugs and not knowing what was going to happen in a hour or five minutes. Especially not if I wasn't even together with who caused this all.

"I..." I started but my chin was shaking too much because of the anxiety that I felt in my chest. I need to tell her what I was so afraid of and why I was acting so weird this morning.. she deserved to know it even tho I knew she was going to rip my head off and want me to disappear.. "What?"

I began to cry again and I hated crying. Why couldn't I just be strong and not start crying about every little thing?

I told her everything and that I never wanted to do drugs again or spend my time like this. Even if I did it only once.. it was already too much.. It was a shame and I felt awful. I felt so sorry for being such a mess and no matter what she was going to say she was going to be right..

She stood up and screamed "ARE YOU CRAZY?". I covered my face with my hands. I couldn't look at her because I was too embarrassed. "YOU'RE STUPID, AREN'T YOU?" she asked and I let her scream at me. She was right. I was stupid. Stupid because I got myself into this all without thinking about the consequences. This all wasn't planned and I hated it. "THAT'S WHY YOU WERE ACTING SO WEIRD!"

I bit my lower lip and looked at her what was really brave because her eyes were spitting fire.

"BECAUSE OF THAT SON OF A b***h, RIGHT?" I knew she meant Kingston and I wanted to defend myself but I couldn't. Just after she said that the door opened and Elijah walked in. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and my heart stopped when I stood up..

Seeing him hurt me more than I expected but at the same time I felt relieved.. I felt like my heart was being ripped out again.. he was here.. how could he just come here and look at me like I did mistakes, yet he was the one who destroyed everything and I wanted to scream at him, throw things at him but I couldn't move or open my mouth.. I could just look at him..

"What's going on?" he asked Charlie with a raised eyebrow and clenched jaw. He was really angry.. He closed the door and walked towards me but I took a step back. I didn't want him to come closer. At the end I did this all because of him.. I was in such paint and I felt so bad so I looked at the ground because it was easier than looking into his face.. into his eyes that made me feel like I would run into his arms if he would saw one word.

"I'll go now and you'll tell him!" Charlie said pointing at me. Then she left and I hated her for leaving me alone with him. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to see him. Only three days passed and it felt like three months..

"Why are you here? Leave. I don't want to see you." I said crossing my arms in front of my chest and looking away again. I didn't want him to see how much he hurt me and that I couldn't stop thinking of him for even a second.

"I don't give a f**k if you don't want to. You have to." he said and I clenched my jaw still not looking at him.

"Tell me you didn't sleep with him."

When he said that I looked at him with widened eyes and a dropped jaw. Was he serious? Why did they keep asking me and how could he dare to ask me that? "That's none of your business, I don't belong to you! You shouldn't care about that!" I said raising my voice and he started breathing heavier and heavier. It was making him angry and I knew he hated when I was talking like this to him.. especially when I was telling him that my stuff wasn't his business but I was right and not him. He was the guilty one and I wanted him to leave me alone.

He just came to ask me about Kingston and not because he was caring about me. Not to apologize or talk to me. He was just here for his own needs and yes I was still in love with him but I was too angry and it was too early to talk to him.

He took another step towards me and said "Don't make me freak out and tell me before I find that motherfucker!" he threatened me and I screamed into his face "No! I would never sleep with someone else than you! I'm not you!"

For a second it seemed like I hit him off guard with that and he closed his eyes but then he looked at me so angrily I thought he was going to explode. That made me only angrier because he had no right to.

"So.. tell me why she screamed these things to you!" he asked with a clenched jaw and he sounded calm but I knew that was the calm before the storm... I bit my lower lip and didn't answer him. I wiped my tears away and kept challenging with my eyes. He took another step towards me and looked deep into my eyes... I tried to look away before he could make me weak.. he knew exactly how he could do that and that he only needed to look into my eyes to know what I was feeling or thinking. I hated that it was that obvious.

Out of nowhere he grabbed my face very tightly and made me look into his eyes as well.

"Melissa... what happened to you? Why are you shaking?" he asked. I didn't even realize that I was shaking but being so close to him made me nervous and it made the pain only more unbearable. What hurt the most was that he wasn't worried. He wasn't caring.. He was only angry. And I was afraid of him.

I looked away. "LOOK AT ME!" he screamed with his deep voice. He wasn't joking and I was asking myself why he wouldn't leave me alone so I looked at him and another tear rolled down my face.. god damn I hated crying in front of him. I hated letting him know how I was feeling and how hurt I was.

"What happened to you? Why are you acting so weird? I'm asking for the last time." he said and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Melissa... tell me before I hurt you.." he added and his grip tightened. It hurt so I said "Go and f**k your bitch." and freed myself from his grip. Saying that hurt so much so I kept crying quietly.

He didn't even care about what I said and asked "You did drugs?". I didn't answer because the answer was obvious and he didn't need to hear it from my mouth to be sure about it. He began to breath faster and I realized that I needed him more than ever.. but not when he was in that mood. When he was like this he was ready to kill everyone and I was already pushing his buttons so that wasn't a good combo.

I didn't even understand why he wanted to know that. It's not like he would care.

"I'm going to kill that hoe." he said and turned around to walk towards the door.

He knew about Kingston.

I grabbed his arm as fast as I could and tried to stop him.

"NO ELIJAH!" I screamed and he turned around so quickly with the baddest death stare ever. "ARE YOU PROTECTING HIM? EVEN AFTER HE GAVE YOU DRUGS?" he screamed back and approached me what made me feel small because of his furrowed eyebrows and his wide shoulders. I let his arm go and looked at him with tears rolling down my cheeks.. "NO! I'M STOPPING YOU BECAUSE I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!"

I hated admitting that but he needed to stop being so cold because otherwise I was going to die from the pain. I needed him no matter if he didn't love me anymore. I needed him because this was something that was that he should care about.. actually I didn't want to tell him about it but I needed to.

He looked into my eyes. I thought he was going to kill me.

"What else have you done?" his deep voice and the way he asked me that killed me. Like this all would be my fault.. like I did it all on my own. That made me only angrier but he was calmer than a few seconds ago.. so I just said it how it was.

"I may.. be pregnant.."

My heart was racing when his jaw dropped and his face turned white. All his anger seemed to disappear. I thought I couldn't breath because I thought he was going to hate me because this would ruin everything. What if he wanted to live happily with his new girlfriend and I was destroying everything?

Suddenly I saw that something in his face changed. He seemed worried.. like he was about to fall apart and I felt more awful. What did I expect? That he would be happy about it? Of course not..

I started sobbing crying because I was afraid of what he was going to say and his reaction that made me feel awful as hell but then he suddenly hugged me and I stopped breathing for a second because I didn't expect it. I froze but then I let him wrap his strong arms around me.

He stroke my head like he used to do and I realized how much I missed that...

I hated to know that this wouldn't last long because he wasn't mine anymore.. I was still angry at him and I hated him but I couldn't do anything against the weakness that got me with his touch and his scent.. that I missed so much..

I took the opportunity and leaned my head onto his chest trying to forget about everything that happened... he was so calm and I never wanted to leave this place between his arms..

"What if I killed our-" I whispered what's been going through my head all the time but he cut me off immediately. "DON'T you dare to say something like that..." he said and he kissed my forehead. His soft lips on my skin felt so good but also burnt..

When that tiny moment was over I told him that I would need to make a test to be sure. Without hesitation he drove to a pharmacy and came back with a pregnancy test. We didn't talk much in that while.. I still didn't know what he was thinking about it and I was hella afraid of it. I was afraid he would hate me and tell me to get rid of it.. but he was ready to stay here with me until to see the results.. I kept asking myself what would happen after this.. if he would leave me again or if he would stay... and if he would do it for me or for the baby..