Can't Hate You

Two sides

Sun

He said he knows who I was with, then he checked who he really was.. I was sure he was lying.. it was obvious.. and I hated it.

"I'll kill him." he said totally seriously but very chilled. My jaw dropped and I started laughing even tho I knew that he meant it.. "You can't be serious." I said knowing that he was serious. "You know exactly that I'm serious." he said knowing that I was knowing that he was serious. My stomach dropped and I felt like I couldn't breath. The thought of it made me crazy..

Then I thought of what would've happened if dad would've known that Dean was someone who was getting high, into fights and who was dangerous.. someone who was screaming at me sometimes.. being mean but also touchy and flirty all the time.. he definitely would've lost it. He would have killed him without hesitation.

"No you-..."

"Is he your boyfriend?" he asked me getting angry again and I remembered what Dean told his dad.

"Yes!" I answered hoping that Dean meant it.. he was my first boyfriend..w

He was shaking.

"Then you'll be single again very soon." he said and I put my phone completely away.

Then he turned around and wanted to leave but I screamed.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" that was enough. "WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO WEIRD? WHY CAN'T I HAVE A BOYFRIEND LIKE EVERY OTHER TEEN GIRL?" I lost my patience. He turned around breathing heavily. "ME?! YOU'RE ACTING WEIRD! AND PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT LIKE EVERY OTHE TEEN GIRL!" he screamed back.. this time mom and Moon were just watching us totally disappointed.

"I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I CAN'T HAVE A NORMAL LIFE!" I continued.. he looked like I was crazy. "WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THAT?" I sighed.

"YOU CAN'T LEAVE FOR SO LONG AND GO TO A GUYS PLACE! YOU CAN'T JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!" his voice was so rough... "SO IT'S MY MISTAKE THAT I HAVE A DAD WHO FREAKS OUT WHEN HIS DAUGHTER COMES HOME TOO LATE?" at this point we were just screaming at each other. And I didn't want him to talk about Dean. I wanted him to get the actual matter and understand how much it was actually bothering me. and I wished we could've talked about this without screaming..

"WHOSE DAD WOULDN'T? YOU'RE ONLY SIXTEEN!" he screamed back and in that second I explode... "THOSE WHOSE DAD'S AREN'T GANG LEADERS! THOSE WHO CAN LET THEIR KIDS HAVE NORMAL LIFES!" his jaw dropped and I couldn't believe myself. The anger and adrenaline just got me. I knew that I had no right to talk like this to him.. I knew I was wrong and unfair.. I didn't mean it and I didn't want to be so disrespectful.. but I couldn't stop myself.. I wanted to.. I wanted to apologize and hols myself back.

My mom stood up and walked towards us. "Sun!" she shouted but dad stopped her.

"IF YOU WOULD BE A NORMAL KID NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE!" he was shaking as well. This was the first time we were arguing like this and I hated it because this was not what I wanted.. this wasn't me.. this wasn't him..

"I WISH IT WOULDN'T! I WISH I WOULD HAVE A NORMAL DAD INSTEAD OF A CONTROL FREAK!" I held onto my head when I said that and regretted it immediately. Why was I so mean? Why couldn't I just shut up?. He looked disappointed and kinda hurt. I went too far.. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I couldn't take back what I said even if I wanted it..

"But you know what?" he was still breathing heavily after hat little silence but he wasn't screaming anymore. "You'll never have a normal life or a normal dad. I won't even let you go to school. You're being homeschooled from now on." he continued looking extremely mad and disgusted.

It hurt and I realized how bad I actually f****d up.. if I would've been him I probably would've thrown myself away..

His voice was shaking.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, what he did to you or why you are like this but I don't like it. That's not my Sun." he added and my heart broke.. he tried to keep calm, I could see that. He was fighting with himself but I couldn't believe his words.. he didn't want me to go to school. That was too much.. he couldn't cut me off life so easily because of two mistakes.

"I won't tell you to stay away from him because I'll kill him.. but.. get yourself back together and remember who you're talking to. You're not like this." and at the point he was the only one talking. "You can be glad that I'm not taking your phone away." he continued and I was really glad about that because I didn't want him to read out messages..

I took a deep breath.

"You can pray that you're my daughter, otherwise you would be dead now." he said and he was very serious... it hurt.. it hurt him probably more than me.. "It's all his fault. He's confusing you... destroying you.." he was talking about Dean again. If he would've only known that Dean was the only now who made me special and brought some color into my life.. he was the only one who made me feel things that I've never felt before.

"Now go and tell him a last time how much you love him because in a few hours he won't be alive anymore."

That was the way he told me to go up to my room and that he was done with me.

And he knew it.. I was in love with Dean.. I really fell for him and I couldn't change it. I couldn't change anything about it and I didn't want to change anything about it.

I grabbed my bag and walked up the stairs.

He only turned his head around to me. "I don't want to see you for the next twenty four hours.." his deep voice.. was so cold.. like I didn't mean anything to him. He made me feel so uncomfortable and bad.. I hated that he didn't have mercy with me like he did with Moon and each of his mistakes. I whispered totally angry.. "I hate you." and I knew he heard it but I didn't care.

I entered my room and locked the door. I ran my hands over my face and took another deep breath. I knew that I made a huge mistake and made them worry a lot for nothing.. I knew what I've done and how bad it was.. but he didn't need to exaggerate so much.. he didn't need to be so mean.. I already regretted what I said and he knew that because he saw it in my eyes but that didn't matter to him anymore.. I was so angry at everything. Mostly at myself.. There was so much more I wanted scream in his face...

I just couldn't understand him. He just wanted drama. He wanted to be a cold badass dad. That was literally another level of strictness. He needed to chill a little bit more like he did it with Moon.. that's what bothered and hurt me the most.. he was so soft and normal when it came to him.. like I meant nothing to him..

I wasn't a bird that he could lock into a cage.

Dean's dad just saw him and his girlfriend and he was so chill and nice. He was so polite.. so kind and so happy about it.. He was just as positive as me and I didn't know why but I felt like I've known him for years... just like it felt with Dean. I felt so close to them that I was almost awkward but it was probably because they were so welcoming..

Moon

There was so much that I wanted to say to Sun. But in my eyes dad handled it very well. He was my biggest and best role model. My idol. And she was stubborn.. she really changed, I could barely recognize her. She was so disrespectful and loud.. I never thought that she would talk like this to him but I knew that Dean had a bad influence and I was going to handle that with him very very soon before dad wold do it.. He left after she went up because he needed to free his mind. I left him alone. I wasn't sure what he was going to do but I hoped he wasn't going to kill Dean because that was my job..

I was going to beat him up until she wouldn't be able to recognize his face again.. He was going to regret talking to my little sister and making her say these things. Who the hell was he? No one in my eyes. And soon, no one in her eyes as well.

Sun

Of course I couldn't sleep so I watched the sun rising. I would rise like that too one day and they would all see...

For the first time I couldn't sleep because of my thoughts. My brain didn't shut up and I wasn't even tired.. Since my lovely dad didn't allow me to go to school, there was no need to get ready. It was sickening and crazy.. he was really exaggerating. I've never seen someone so extra.

But one thing that hurt the most was that dad wasn't going to trust me ever again like he did before... he was never going to see me with the same eyes again. I ever wanted it to escalate like this and I didn't want to change and talk like this to him but things happened and I was sorry. I was really sorry and I knew that he saw it in my eyes but I couldn't take anything back and it didn't mater anymore... He wasn't even mad when I told him that I'm dating Dean. As if that was exactly what he expected from me.. his only problem was that I was disappearing..

To be honest I had enough of life in that moment. I wanted things to be easy and uncomplicated instead of difficult. I didn't want to hurt him or get hurt by him.. I wanted to go through this all without arguing.. I hated myself for how I acted up..

Either he wasn't understanding me or I wasn't understanding him. Maybe both.

I was really worrying about Dean.. I didn't want him to get hurt. Especially not by my dad, because of me. He was the only one who made me feel free and showed me a new world. Who made me feel comfortable and different... I realized how much he really meant to me..

Dean

Before I went to school I realized how happy dad was. I went down for breakfast and I swear the table was covered with things I loved. Pancakes, fruits, yogurt, milkshakes, my protein shake and other stuff.. It was smelling so good that I thought I was somewhere else. I've never been more suspicious. I really thought he was going to poison me..

Blake was on his phone, sitting in his chair, eating some strawberries while I was trying to figure out if this all was real or not. I didn't know if I could trust him this time.. if I should breakfast with them or go and eat somewhere else.. before I could make that decision dad came out of nowhere with more pancakes..

"Good Morning Dean!" he said happily stroking my head after he put the plates on the table. I shook my head.. He was confusing me. Either he wanted something from me or.. he wanted something from me.

"I made all of this for you!". He definitely wanted something from me. I sat down in one of the chairs.. I looked at all the food... "Okay, am I going to die right after I eat it or later?" I asked and he rolled his eyes. Blake laughed. "Don't be stupid Dean! Nothing is going to kill you! I love you too much to kill you." he answered and I almost snorted. He sat down across from me and I said "That's a fat ass lie."

The way his moods were changing was overwhelming... I was asking myself in what kind of creeps hands I was. I couldn't wait until I was going to turn eighteen. I already planned it.

Either I was going to kill myself or I was going to move far far away from here.. Everything that was far away from him was good for me.

He kept smiling.

Then he started talking about Sun and I realized what this all was for...