I'm Not Your Mommy

Chapter 8

Calista

Like most nights, I wake up from my nightmare, I can never go back to sleep. I tried going back before but when I had the same nightmare that had just replayed again and again like a broken record inside me, I ultimately decided that it was not worth it.

Mimi would know what happened when she woke up later and saw the heavy bags under my eyes and as always, she wouldn’t point it out immediately and would let me tell her on my own. It was always her way to show support to me and true to my predictions, she did throw me a worried look but pretended like nothing was wrong. I know it must be hard for her not to ask me every time she sees me like this but I couldn’t help it. Avoidance was one of the unhealthy coping mechanisms that I have developed ever since then that I am trying to overcome for the betterment of myself and those around me but today, I couldn’t help but fall back to old habits and avoid it.

 Breakfast was tense but Mimi and Tyron tried their best not to show it and I felt bad that I immediately told them I was going back to my apartment. Tyron smiled kindly and told Mimi to go send me off. Mimi smiled to him stiffly but followed him and led me to the garage to take my car back.

“You still have your license, right?” she asked as she helped me load a couple of the groceries I bought in the trunk. I only nodded as confirmation, not having the strength to answer her verbally, which she noticed because she enveloped me in a hug.

“I know you must’ve had a nightmare again and I know you want to deal with it by yourself, but just know even if I have a family, I’ll still be here for you, okay?” she successfully said all the apprehension I had in my mind just like that. I guess that’s what years of real friendship does to you.

I circled my arm around her loosely and gave her one tight squeeze before letting go. There was worry in her eyes still, but I just gave her a reassuring smile.

“I’ll be fine Mimi and if it gets too bad I could just talk to you or to Mark, okay?” I said and she nodded before finally smiling.

“Then I’ve got nothing to worry about then. Maybe I’ll drop by and help you set up your apartment later.” She said as I entered the driver's seat. I rolled my windows down and smiled softly at her.

“That’s okay Mimi, I need to take my mind off things for a while anyway and cleaning always helps you know that.” I tried to joke and she giggled.

“True, if you need help though, I’m one call away. Drive safe now. Love you.” She said as I gave her one last smile and started backing out of the driveway and driving back to my apartment to try and collect my thoughts and clean and arrange my apartment too, I guess.

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I should’ve known that the apartment would be empty and chaotic when I arrived, but seeing it with my own eyes was a little overwhelming. There were bags and boxes all over the place. My stuff must’ve arrived earlier and the bellboys must’ve put them in there as well as my bags that I didn’t fix before leaving yesterday. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself.

It’s okay Cali, we can just take this one step at a time, okay? In no time, all this chaos will be a beautiful space you could call your own, okay? So don’t let it get to you and start working instead.

After successfully centering myself, I put on my work playlist on my headphones and began opening and moving boxes around. It was a little heavy but nothing I could handle. I did do some heavy lifting once for a job, so a box of books was nothing, or at least that was what I wanted to believe in. I took all of my books from their boxes and laid them on the floor for a while. I had already told Mimi beforehand to put up some shelves in my office, so I got to work and arranged my books there.

By the end of it, my hands and back were sore, but that was better than feeling mentally and emotionally drained. I panted for a little while and glanced at the antique clock that I had brought with me on the table and saw that it was way past lunch time. All that working had me forget that I needed to eat and, because I was too tired to even move, I decided to order some food online.

While waiting for my lunch to arrive, I decided to set up my balcony. Mark says taking care of plants may be a good hobby for me, so maybe I’ll go outside to buy a couple of plants for my space. I heard from other friends that plants do liven up your space and lord knows I need that, so I have listed it on my to-do list tomorrow.

After I was done mulling over the plant debacle, my food arrived and it was still good. I decided to order from one of my favourite restaurants before and even though I still couldn’t go there without wanting to cry, having their food delivered was a better alternative. I thought eating this would make me sad again, but to my surprise, it was actually the opposite. Maybe it’s because I was forcing myself to push the bad memories away for now. Either way, I’m glad that I got to eat their food again and brought me happy memories again, which brought me more energy to work more that by the time the sun has finally set, I have finished setting up half of my stuff from the boxes.

Dusting my pants, I decided to lie down on the couch to relax for a little before taking a bath. My editor didn’t message me today, but I guess that’s because he might be busy right now regarding the contracts. Mark did send me a message though, checking up on me and I replied to him that I had a great day and decided that I had relaxed enough and it was time for me to take a bath and probably cook dinner right after.

A nice warm bath was always nice, especially after working for the whole day. While towelling my hair, I decided to look into my fridge and decided on making a simple dinner and grabbed the eggs. I really didn’t want to cook as much since I am planning on going outside early tomorrow and I don’t want to waste food, so an omelette it is.

Since I was only cooking omelettes, I got it done fairly quickly and so I decided that I would watch something and put on a random film. Today has been nice so far and I can’t help but feel giddy at that. I may have started rough the first day back here, but after today it feels nice to be home. Well, not home, home, but home nonetheless.

I washed my dish after a full dinner and went to grab my favourite chocolate from the freezer and my thoughts immediately went to the little boy, what was his name again? Oh right, Caspian. I wonder what triggered him to call me mommy out of nowhere? That was not normal children's behaviour, right? Calling random women you see at the grocery store your parental figure out of nowhere can’t be a normal thing for kids to do, because if it is, then I think I need to be more cautious around children than I already am. But then again, he seemed smart enough to know who his mother was and he seemed sure about calling me his mother, so I wondered, do I look like her mother then? That could be a possibility. Or maybe he wanted to prank me? But he seemed genuine when he was caught and when he was spending time with me.

Shaking my head, I try to shake thoughts of him away from my head. Why did I have to start thinking about him now? Just when I was having a peaceful day, dang it, but no matter how much I tried to forget about him, he somehow crept his way back into my mind and, frustrated by my intrusive thoughts, I shoved the chocolate back on the fridge and decided to go back to arranging my stuff. If I can’t get rid of these thoughts, I might as well be productive. Maybe I could lose myself to cleaning again.